Elijah wasn’t ready. He breathes in then out, trying to stabilize the rapid surge of adrenaline within him. But it didn’t suffice, his hands were still cold and he walks slower than usual. He could’ve cancelled the appointment and went to Matteo’s usual pediatrician instead. Besides, the patient after his name on the list would’ve been delighted to see the doctor earlier.

However, he stayed firm with his decision and pressed a button next to the elevator. Lorenzo had told him of the direction to his office and Elijah immediately went inside the hospital with a map in his head. It’s as if he had already been here multiple times now. But it’s his first to be honest.

The elevator doors opens and Elijah got inside, liking the emptiness of the place aside from him and his son. He pressed the button for the floor where Lorenzo was stationed and holds his son with both hands afterwards, soothing his own worries for the inevitable.

“Shit,” he says under a shaky breath.

“Papa,” he was called out by his little boy, “I wanna stand. I wanna go down, please.”

The mewl that redirected his anxiety was a distraction he needed and so he did what Matteo requested. He sighed at the extra weight coming off his shoulders and back. His shirt was a little damp but nevertheless fine as the heat slowly turning cool from the air conditioning inside the hospital.

“Thank you, papa,” Matteo said to Elijah, expressing his gratitude by hugging Elijah’s leg.

Elijah reciprocated the gesture with a pat on Matteo’s head and replies, “You’re welcome, my love.”

“I wanna go pee,” Matteo continued, looking up to Elijah with a grimace.

Elijah sighed, nodding to his son’s whines of the bathroom with thinned lips. Fortunately, the elevator doors opens and Elijah exits along with his little boy who he holds hands with. He looks around then to his front, reading a guide to the floor’s outline and realize that the restroom was close to where they are.  

“Okay,” Elijah replied with confidence, “let’s go.”

He sees the restroom as a side-quest before he appears to the final boss of the game. He guides his son to the direction of the bathroom and went inside without traffic or a line to hurdle him towards the objective.

Elijah locks the door to the restroom and wipes the toilet seat with tissues. He carried his son, sitting him down on top of the toilet seat with his pants and underwear down on his knees.

Now, what? It was a question he’s facing and he’s already an idiot for facing the battle blind and ignorant – such is the same with his son too. Fuck, he cursed, muddling his thoughts with insults to a plan done undercooked.

“Papa?” Matteo calls out to him and Elijah instantly shrugs off his thoughts, concerned at the soft and rough voice saying his name. “Are you… okay? Do you wanna pee too? You look like wanna pee too.”

“No, Matteo,” Elijah crouch down to face his son, facing him eye-to-eye. “Papa doesn’t want to pee. He just has a lot of things in his mind right now.”

“Oh, like what, papa?” Was this an opening? Elijah sees it as that. But taking advantage of an innocent curiosity pains him. Matteo shouldn’t meet Lorenzo, never. Unfortunately, that promise was broken that moment it began to cement his mind and, now, he’s here. Trying to open up a heavy conversation to his sick little boy.

Matteo coughs on his facemask and Elijah brushes some of Matteo’s bangs off his eyes, placing them behind the ears with a sigh.

“Matteo,” Elijah starts, “do you see the red string on your pinky?”

Matteo nodded, showing off his right hand to Elijah, wiggling the pinky to emphasis the point of the question. Elijah took the hand, kissing the pinky far longer than he usually does but it holds a prayer he wants for his son – to have a choice in the people he’ll be with in the future.

Not like him, Elijah thinks, and continues with his talk.

“It only shines when you’re with your soulmate to the point that other people can see it too,” Elijah explains the obvious.

“I know that papa. Teacher Rosie and my classmates said that all the time, even mama told me that like a long, long time ago.” Matteo’s smart but the talk of soulmates is ingrained in their culture that it’s hard to avoid the topic being discussed. Matteo merely repeats what has been said multiple times.

“Papa, I’m done peeing,” Matteo added, swerving the conversation with his hands stretching over to Elijah. Elijah placed his son on the floor and pulls up his clothes. The toilet was flushed afterwards and they washed their hands on the sink.

Their time in the restroom was done and Elijah stayed quiet as they exit the place. He was disappointed at the time he’s wasting, nevertheless, he persists with his search for Lorenzo’s room.

“Papa, I’m tired,” Matteo whines, “carry me.” And Elijah did.

The hallway they entered was roaming with patients, mostly sitting on the benches pressed against the walls. Elijah checks the names of each doctor printed on the doors, reading one by one and looks away as theirs didn’t align with the man he’s looking for. He should’ve looked at the floor’s outline, his memory regarding Lorenzo’s direction have become spotty at best.

Maybe it’s the panic that’s blinding him from remembering it very well.

Although, he did remember to move right when passing by the glass walls that overlooks the garden of the hospital. He’s probably in the right direction, Elijah hopes.

“O-okay, Matteo,” Elijah continues the conversation, stuttering at first before manages to find a momentum afterwards. “You know, that most people will find their soulmate, right?”

“Yeah, just like mama,” Matteo responds, quickly. Elijah wasn’t planning his ex-wife as an example but it immediately came up in Matteo’s head. And he understood as to why, Lisa and Adam are the most prominent soulmate-bound couple to ever come in Matteo’s life but with the price of his family torn by the red string that attached the two together.

There was hatred in his son’s tone, signifying his opinions on the topic. Elijah just felt like a part of him died at the sound of it.

“I don’t like it,” he added and grips Elijah tighter on the shoulder.

“I know,” Elijah responded with a mutter.

Elijah continues to walk, dragging his feet to where he hopes Lorenzo was at. Regret came pouring in his judgement, cursing at the opportunity he took without a thought. Money should never be a problem concerning his son, he shouldn’t be afraid to count the bills he has for the medicines and tests to find the cure. If it meant eating less or spend little time in the shower then he won’t mind throwing whatever coin he has for his son.

He paused his walk just as he had almost reached the end of the hallway. There were parents and their children sitting on the benches available. The red string of fate floats around the area, twirling around limbs and legs, even someone’s head.

Matteo looks at them just as Elijah gazes at the door on the side. He can’t read the doctor’s name printed over it but there was an inkling feeling that he had finally reached his destination.

“Papa?” Matteo calls out to him, confused as he was placed down on the floor. He holds his son’s hand with a firm grip.

Elijah wants to run away.

“I thought we were going to have a check-up, papa?” Matteo questions, tilting his head as they turned around and faced the other side of the hallway.

“We are going, my love,” Elijah reassured his little boy as they began to move, slowly. Running would’ve immediately exhaust Matteo and he didn’t want his son’s illness to worsen from the activity. He grits his teeth at the thought, guilty for the possible and the pain it’ll bring his little boy. He’s selfish, it’s what caused him to be here in the first place and so he walks, with shame burdening his shoulders, and copied his son’s snail-like pace.

Then, he hears the door from behind opens and he shuts his eyes, breathing heavily at the mutters of a name stated everyone – Dr. Reyes.

“Ah, Dr. Reyes!” A woman from behind said, “where are you going?”

“Shit,” he cursed, loudly.

“Papa, you said a bad word,” Matteo points out, exclaiming his surprise at Elijah’s loose lips.

He didn’t apologize, however, and continues to guide his little boy forward. He sweats from the suspense, the hairs on his arms raised and his toes curled at the tight sensation around his left pinky. He gasped as his heart skips a beat.

“Papa?” Matteo was now on front of him, hugging his leg and looks up to him. His son had furrowed his brows as well and he was likely pouting underneath the facemask too.

Elijah only responded with a smile – despite the grimace that erases the expression in an instant.

“Eli?” Elijah listens to the footsteps coming from behind, pausing as he leans against the wall with his eyes closed for the inevitable shine from the string.  

“Ar-are you alright?” Lorenzo added a question, moving closer with a hand placed on Elijah’s shoulder.

“I’m fine – just not used with the effects of the string,” Elijah answered without a hint of hesitation, trying to act unbothered by the worry shown on Lorenzo’s face.

He looks down on his son, hearing the sniffles and seeing the unshed tears. Lorenzo bent down, extending a hand towards his son and shows off a smile that contrast the offended look from Matteo.

Nevertheless, Lorenzo continues with his introduction. “Hello, I’m Lorenzo and I’m your papa’s soulmate.”

The glee on Lorenzo’s face was wiped off by the sob that erupted the tension and Elijah focuses on the tear-covered face from his little boy, carrying his son in his arms and faces the glare aimed at Lorenzo.