Why I'm I here?
You know what's worse than being a third wheeler, being a seventh wheeler. Tyler was with Column, Jay with Tess and Maria with Scott and there I was the odd ball, sitting by myself while everyone else snuggled together watching a movie at Column's house.
So again I ask myself, why am I here?
My eyes were on the TV but I wasn't watching it. I could feel his gaze on me. It happens a lot lately. He's always looking at me. Sometimes he'd follow me just to be alone with me but I brush him off and run the other direction. Anywhere but near him. I could feel his boyfriend start to get suspicious about us. I guess you wouldn't like it either if you're lover is following someone else around.
I'm not gonna sit here and lie and say, he's annoying and I want him to stop, because he is annoying and I don't want him to stop.
I sighed and got up walking through this big ass house and went to the backyard. Column's house was on a hill so you could see the city from up here. The moon shone brightly and the city lights looked like they twinkled. I remember the first time he had us over. He laughed at how amazed I was at the view. But I guess if you are used to seeing something you fail to see the beauty.
I sat at one of the chairs overlooking the view and I just breathed in the cold night breeze.
I should go home, get away from him. Should I just tell him the truth? Maybe that will make him stay away from me. But knowing him he won't. He's such a pain and he's a stubborn bastard. Thank god he gave me space that day and didn't come to my house, and by space I mean he kept calling and texting untill I answered. You know space. What an idiot.
I heard the door open so I looked and saw him there. Okay why wasn't I surprised he followed me here. I turned around so he wouldn't see me smiling.
"What are you doing out here doesn't your boyfriend miss you or something?" I teased though it felt like I drunk acid saying that.
"Him and I... " He trailed off. He looked like he was going to say something but he changed his mind and squeezed next to me making me laugh.
"You know there like other chairs here idiot."I chuckled.
"But I want this one." I rolled my eyes.
We sat in silence looking at the skyline. I looked at him. The moon light on his golden brown skin looking soft, his lashes looked longer from his side profile. His kinky hair looked soft and greasy but I wouldn't mind running my hand through it as he laid on my chest. Damn it I have got to stop.
"About the other day..." He started and looked at me, "I'm worried about you Grayson, you've been so distant for a long time now and your not talking to me like you used to. Tell me what's going on." He the look in his eyes made me want to cry. But I didn't want to embarrass myself again so I just looked away.
"It's nothing for you to worry about." I said softly.
"That's the problem, of course I'm worried. How can I not when you are like this. Talk to me." He pleaded. I could hear the agency in his voice. This was getting unbearable so I got up. I can be this close to him, I'd want to touch him and I can't.
"I told you don't worry about it." I said starting to walk off but he grabbed my wrist and span me around. He looked hurt and pissed.
"Stop walking away every time things get hard!" He yelled.
"What do you want from me!" I yelled back.
"I just want you to talk to me you've been shutting me out and I hate it it hurts. Why are you being a stubborn jackass?"
"Oh I'm a stubborn jackass, look whose following whom?"
"Because it hurts when you ignore me!"
"Oh you know nothing about pain Column! You don't know what I go through every day!"
"Then tell me damn it!"
"If I do I lose everything! I lose Tyler whose been my best friend for years, and worst of all I lose you, don't you understand!"
"What do you mean?"
"It's nothing forget about it." I tried to leave but he still had a firm grip on my wrist.
"No, talk to me, what do you mean you'd lose me and Tyler?" He said calmly now.
"Shit," I cursed under my breath.
"Grayson," he pleaded.
"Shit fine, you know what, fuck it, you can't be mad at me if I say this." I said looking in Column's eyes.
"I don't care."
"You will," I sighed, "Column, I... I have... God why is this so hard... Okay... Column I have feelings for... Damn it... Okay, I have feelings for you and I didn't want to get in between your relationship with Tyler. I mean... He's my best friend and he liked you and I don't want to get in the way of you two." I choked. "And I get it, I really do so please for the love of hell stop following me go back to your boyfriend please. I'll figure out how to stop these feelings but I can't do it with you around."
By the end of my rant I was sobbing in his shoulder. His warmth felt so comforting, his small slim body against mine but I knew once he let go this would be the last time I ever felt it.
"What makes you think I don't feel the same for you?" He whispered taking me by surprise. I pulled away looking at him.
"Wh-what? But y-you and Tyler..." I mumbled.
"Tyler and I..." He sighed and grabbed my hands, "Tyler and I had been on a weird place for the past six months, after the honeymoon phase ended we got to this weird place and we realized what we felt for eachother was just attraction but... We didn't want to give up so we tried to make things work... But two weeks ago we decided to just end things, but we didn't tell people, that's why tonight we called you guys over... We wanted to tell you... And I already was starting to feel things for you and I talked to Tyler about it and he was okay with it. I mean I was following you around like and idiot," he chuckled.
I was almost in tears, again. I couldn't believe what he was saying to me. My body was shaking, my heart was racing everything felt unreal.
"Are you serious? Cause if you-"
He didn't let me finish. His hands found their way behind my neck and pulled me down he raised on his tippy toes and pressed his lips on mine. I froze feeling the night air around us. After my body recovered I slithered my arms around his waist and pulled him closer to me. I tilted his head deepening the kiss. His lips were warm and soft, I felt him melt in my arms but I held him up. The kiss was passionate and argent. It was better that I imagined more than a million times. His small frame pressed against my bulky one felt amazing. He fit so well in my arms that I didn't want to let go. And now I didn't have to.