-

“Papa, I wanna pee,” Matteo tells him, poking his cheek with a finger and distance himself from Elijah’s arms. Elijah groans as a response, rolling to the other side of the bed and snuggle deep into his pillow. He hears a shuffle from behind, the bed dip as his son grew closer and harden his poke on to his cheek once more.

“Papa,” Matteo calls out to him, drawling his name. “I wanna pee – pee, me, want.”

“I’m sure you can do it yourself,” Elijah dismisses the request and face his son, observing the pout drawn on his little boy’s face. “I already placed your chamber pot outside the bedroom door.”

“But I’m sick,” his son mentions the obvious and coughs afterwards, hiding his mouth behind a hand with an expectant look on his face. Elijah just sighed, shaking his head at his son’s attempt to get him out of bed and he does in the end.

“Alright,” Elijah gives in, watching his son jumps out of bed after him. Although, he followed Matteo out of the bedroom, noticing his bum as he strips off his pajamas and underwear down to his knees. Then, he sat down on the chamber pot immediately.

Elijah leans against the wall, closing his eyes slowly, trying to catch some remnants of his sleep moments ago. He’s tired; the situation didn’t offer him a break. He accommodates his son’s needs and had to be civil with a man that clearly wants more from him. Adam, too, tries to creep into his favor.

He can’t wait to be back to his shop. His hands yearn to touch the petals of his flowers, poking the thorns that some have. He sniffs, from time to time, trying to memorize the difference between each one. The monotonous shades of blue, brown and white in his home was a contrast to the rainbow awaits him in his shop, even the hospital paled at the white it has painted itself with.

“Do you love him, papa?” Matteo questions as he stood up from the chamber pot. He dressed by himself and raised his head to face Elijah with a blank expression.

Matteo raised a hand and Elijah holds it with his own, intertwining his fingers with his son’s and walk back to the bedroom.

“Who?” Elijah replied with another, knowing who Matteo was asking about. He observes his son, jumping back to bed and snuggled his pillow into his chest. Elijah sat in front of his little boy, folding his legs and placing his hands on his lap.

“Your soulmate,” Matteo specifies.

“No.” His son nodded, looking relieved at the answer. His shoulders loosen the tight and straight posture, slouching further into his pillow.

“What about you?” It was a question that Matteo tilts his head with his confusion, brows furrowed at the ambiguity of it. And so, he expounds, “What do you think about papa’s soulmate?”

“I don’t like papa’s soulmate,” Matteo answers. The straightforward reply didn’t surprise Elijah but it did alarm him, observing the scrunched nose and a glare pointed at the bed.

“Do you still love mama?” Matteo continued.

“Of course, I love mama very much,” Elijah reassured his little boy, noticing the sigh Matteo has let out and lies down to the bed afterwards. Elijah plop down beside his son, facing him again and snuggles into a pillow.

“Does mama love you too?” It was a question Elijah couldn’t say properly.

Nonetheless, he opens his mouth to let a short breath of air and stutters the words he tries to utter. Matteo was eager, moving closer with his eyes widen in anticipation but Elijah could never bring himself to vocalize a reply and sees the disappointment drawn on his son’s face when he only nods.

Silence created an interlude for the conversation. The air conditioning roars softly into the space around him and his son, the breeze wasn’t the amount of cool he needs to battle the humidity but it was enough for Matteo to enjoy the night. The light was still on and the nightlight has yet to be plugged on the socket near the bed. They were lying horizontally in the bed too. Their evening routine was in a disarray, again.

Elijah couldn’t resist the sleep he needs, already blinking slowly from the fatigue. Matteo, on the other hand, stayed awake, clearly troubled. Glancing at Elijah with his fingers digging into his pillow, wrinkling and folding the pillow sheet with his tight grip.

“Should we tell mama about your soulmate, papa?” Matteo asked him, worried.

In an instant, Elijah sits up. He looks down on his boy, whose panic emitted and fogs Elijah’s head. Great, he thinks with a groan, because of him, the situation managed to topple one domino into another. He can’t escape from the possible but he’ll try.

“Why don’t we keep it a secret?” Elijah suggests.

…

 Matteo sits up from the bed and threw his pillow to the headboard with a heave. Pain, it’s all Elijah can describe from the anger seething out of his son, the heavy breaths and the glass-like eyes.

“That’s what mama told me when Adam came by our house a long, long time ago,” Matteo recalls, his voice hoarse and slow. He sniffles once then twice, wiping off the snot and tears dripping down his face. “I broke mama’s promise and now papa and mama are not together anymore...”

His son sobs. And so did Elijah, gradually. His eyes swells from tears, his heart aches as he listens to his little boy apologizing for a mistake that Elijah would never blame him for. He tried to initiate a hug, grabbing his son on his armpits but was left heartbroken instead.

“No!” Matteo shouts while shaking his head. His son turns around, hugging the stuffed tiger he stole from Lorenzo’s office and wipes his face with its head.

“Ma-matteo,” He stutters, uncontrollably from his emotions. “I-It’s not your fault. Mama shouldn’t have kept Adam secret in the first place. It’s not your fault, alright?”

“But why do you want to keep your soulmate a secret too?” Matteo looks at him from the corner of his eye.

“Papa’s not ready to let everyone know about my soulmate,” Elijah answered and he frowns as Matteo looks away from him.

“That’s what mama tells me too,” Matteo tells him, “I-I don’t want mama and papa to fight anymore. I don’t like mama and papa to fight and shout and throw things again.”

The sobs die down to whimpers before leaving nothing but sniffles and deep breathes from his son. Matteo lies back down to the bed, rolling to the side to face Elijah with the sleeves of his shirts used to wipe his tears and snot.

Elijah has yet to pay attention to the tears dripping down his jaw, opting for the air conditioning to dry it all up instead.

He stayed still, wondering what he’ll do next. Not only his son has suffered enough, coping with the trauma of the fights going on in their last home. Matteo also had to put up with his bullshit and is now forced to carry another luggage from Elijah’s desire to keep things quiet.

Secrets – wasn’t that one of the reasons his marriage went downhill?

But Elijah doesn’t want everyone to know about Lorenzo either.

He sighed, cornered by the situation he’s in.

“Okay, I won’t keep my soulmate a secret, Matteo,” Elijah improvised and bit his lip at the bright expression from Matteo’s face. He feels guilty, knowing that it will be dampen by the condition he’ll put in place. “However, you can only tell someone about papa’s soulmate if someone asked about it, okay?”

Confused, Matteo tilts his head. “What do you mean, papa?” He adds a question.

“It means that you can talk about papa’s soulmate only if they specifically asked if papa has found them or not,” Elijah explained.

Matteo stayed quiet for a moment, letting the silence suffocate Elijah. Elijah was fidgeting, playing with his left pinky and twirling around his finger on the string. He was unsure with the condition, it was merely a thought that slip into his mind in order to find common ground between him and his son. And as a minute passed by, he opens his mouth, begrudgingly accepting the flaw in his own words.

“Ma-“

“Okay,” Matteo replies with a whisper.