The gentle morning breeze caressed my cheeks and the sound of birds sang in chorus as the sun rose. It felt comfortable yet surreal.
"This is not my home".
Though I didn't know where I am or what happened to me, I tried to calm myself and recollected my memories.
I am Deanna and the last memory that I remembered was that I went to bed with a solemn tear that fell down my cheeks. I tried to hold my voice, I didn't want anyone to know that I cried. I always cry when I am alone, but nobody knows. Even my sister said she never saw me cry and some of my acquaintances also talked behind my back just because I didn't show them my feelings. There was one time I couldn't hold back my anger anymore, and I accidentally burst towards my colleague. Some of my acquaintances distance themselves from me for the reason that I have changed and they didn't know how to cope with it. I am tired of my life, I am tired of the thought if I had to live every single day with a mask on. Everything was calculated, with the burden to be the perfect eldest sister to my youngest siblings and the perfect daughter to my parents. I tried hard to make my parents proud, but it's never enough. Everything I did or acted was tied down by the act that seemed kind but pressured. It felt like I was trapped inside a chest, trying to breakthrough. Even my siblings would look down on me due to my parent's actions. Each day I have become more and more insecure. I would bottle up all my feelings because I am scared to feel lonely and neglected if I said a word. Thus, I tried very hard to become perfect so I could be loved as well.
That morning, I woke up and found myself in a different place. I tried to look for help but failed miserably due to the tightly locked door. I am scared and confused about what happened. As I tried to look for the key, I accidentally saw myself in the mirror. The person in front of me seems foreign yet familiar. A long luscious hair as black as the midnight sky on a moonless night and with beautiful clear blue eyes as clear as the sky above. This body, this face—all of this was not mine.
Who am I, where am I, what happened to me are the questions that kept on exploding inside my head? The feeling of being alone and helpless, full of uncertainty, whether I would survive or perished, made me sniffled quietly and my legs weaken. I wished everything would go back to normal. I prayed that this was all just a dream and when I woke up from this horrendous dream, I promised myself I would become a better daughter and sister.
Suddenly, a flash of light shines in front of me and a full-grown man stood amiably. Then he offered his hand with a bright and beautiful smile. He has medium-length blonde hair, which was tight neatly, and his eyes were as calm as the green meadow. I was hesitant to receive his offer. However, because of his comforting smile, I felt somewhat calmed and my anxieties slowly dissipated.
"Please don't cry"
He spoke as soft and sweet as honey-glazed donuts during afternoon tea as he offered me a handkerchief. I tried to hold back my tears, though it might have betrayed me. He continued comforting me as I listened patiently with a mountain of questions ready to fire.
"You can call me Helios. I know you must be confused with everything that happened today. I am deeply sorry. I should be here earlier. I promise you I will try to help you as much as I can within my abilities."
"Can you tell me where I am? Who am I? This is not me. Why am I here in this body? Is it because of me? Because I wish everything to stop. Is it? "
My tears fell with every letter that came out of my mouth. My heart was in pain and it felt like it was pricked with thousands of needles. I blamed myself for being ungrateful. I know sometimes I could be pessimistic, but that was how I strived every day to be better. But today, this act of mine just felt terrible, with no shining ray of light.
"Please don't cry. It is not your fault. I am still not really sure how you got here, but I will do my best to help you. I am sorry again to say that you may have to stay here for a while. I will help you."
He patted my back gently. I felt a little better with the touch of his kindness, though I couldn't say that I am completely reassured. The way he talked was very polite and he had a benevolent manner towards me.
"I am sorry I couldn't help you much. I didn't have much power to change everything back. But I will try to guide you. If you need me, you just have to wish for me, I will come as soon as I reach your call. I am sorry, this is all I could do for me now."
"Can you at least tell something about me? I don't know anything and I'm scared."
"Don't worry my dear. I will show you. Though it seems unfamiliar and new, treat it like a profound beginning in success. I know you will achieve brilliantly."
"Thank you very much. I will try to do my best."
I gave him a smile to reassure him and thanked him for his help. Though with the sorrow in my heart, I tried to consider this as a new beginning for me. Since everything happens for a reason.
"Okay now. Take care, my dear. I wish you happiness and health."
With a gentle smile that he bestowed on me, he bid farewell. I watched him fading with every step he took. I thought to myself while watching him, whether everything will turn out alright or disasters will fall on my miserable and lonely life. Right now, I felt like loneliness was my worst enemy when it used to be my only friend.