(Potato sack hitting the ground sound)

Allie was bewildered, didn’t get hurt, but suddenly he was feeling quite cold. Just a moment ago, he was wearing his nice and warm violet space suit and now:

— What have you done? — shouted Allie to his own undies.

— Me? Nothing! But it seems you fucked up your own space shit… — the underwear giggled.

— This can’t be happening! — Allie got up and looked to himself, almost naked, wearing only a smart mystical deep purple briefs. — You must be kidding me!

— Obviously, you look way better now that you are showing me off — the briefs laughed.

Allie covered his personal parts up.

— Aww… You are really shy! — Mocked the garment.

— Stop! You are not helping!

— Le gasp! Want to get rid of me? Throw me away!

— Never! I’m not gonna stay naked on Earth! You are going to take me home and you are going to do it now!

— Oh, really?

— Really!

— Good luck trying to retrieve your spaceship, kid!

— Argh! Stop calling me kid! I’m 15 years old!

(Note: A year in Mars has 687 days, making Allie 28 years old on Earth)

— See? You are just a freaking chicken-hearted kid! If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be so shy and strip me off!

— Shut up! I will show you who the chicken is!

Allie looked up to his spaceship right above him and a tall tree nearby and decided to climb it up to get close enough for the voice function to listen to him. That’s what he thought. There weren’t many climbing trees left in the Mars undergrounds. Allie had some luck, that tree had some nice spots to climb up to its middle. Until Allie felt a thug. Something was descending instead of going up and Allie panicked, he looked down and discovered he was afraid of heights.

— Oh, fuck… It’s too high!

— Ooh… Now you are a chicken-hearted kid! Haha…

— Shut up! Space ship nova exes! Get down here now!

The ship didn’t respond.

— Space ship nova exes! Get the fuck down now!

— Oh, poor kid, if he had a remote controller at hand…

— I had one! Thank you! But it seems someone’s ripped it off me with my spacesuit!

— Oh, don’t make me cry for you! You have an incredible device that can’t make interdimensional calls to the whole galaxy! Speaks one thousand languages, including human! And can even control space ships remotely! And…

— …and it’s you.

— Obviously, it’s me! Just take me off now, wimp kid! Free me!

— Never! I’m not gonna take you off!

— Really? — Dared the briefs.

— Really!

— Okay, try to go up on your own now! — The underwear insisted.

Allie tried to catch his breath to go a little more up and felt the thug again.

— You are stuck to the tree…

— I am-am! I am-am! — Said the briefs commemorating it. — And I’m never letting go of this tree! You will need to get me off if you want to go anywhere-ere!

— Damn you!

Allie took great care trying to quickly slip the smart undies off knowing no one was around and unstuck it. Allie thought nothing could shake him off now.

— Come here boy! Come here boy! – said the underwear making whistle sounds.

Allie was puzzled by this action and tried to put his only cover back on.

— BARK! BARK! — Made something.

— AHHH! Humans! Hael help me! — Allie crouched down the way he could in the tree branch hugging it pretty tight. — Good lord, don’t let them take my guts! I need them!

— Bark! Bark! (Panting sounds) Bark!

Allie took a while to open his big eyes and then he saw a small white animal with a long tail walking around the tree.

— Phew! — Made Allie. — It’s just a human thingy! So glad it’s not a hu… — Allie was shocked. He wasn’t holding his underwear anymore, it was just a leaf! — Smartie! Where are you?

Allie felt something was wrong and saw the dog going away with something in his mouth.

— Son of a b… — there was no doubt, it was the smart underwear. — I’m naked!