Huddled in the small cottage at the top of the slide, his back against the wooden plank, and his knees clenched to his chest, Liam listened to the silence, his thoughts and the fast thump thump of his own heart as the only company. The sky was dark, as if it were still unsure whether to let it rain or not, and it was really starting to get cold. He had only come out with a light shirt, and his hair was still wet from the shower. He shivered, clutching his knees even more, as if he could draw some heat.
His mother was undoubtedly worried. On the spur of the moment, he hadn't even taken his cell phone. He had no idea how much time had passed. Maybe minutes, maybe hours. But he didn't want to come back again. And see Theo again. Theo . What will Theo be doing now? Will it be in their room, laughing at him, at his outburst and how pathetic he must have sounded? Has his mother asked him any questions about that? Did Theo tell him the truth? His heart skipped a beat: his mother didn't have to find out. It would have ruined everything.
He thought of the comic. Theo had bought it for him. Now, having overcome the initial shock of finding it suddenly in front of him, he could clearly see the other boy's good intentions. Maybe it was really Theo's way to apologize for what he had done. Start over, replacing something damaged with something completely new. Do it all over again. The problem was that Theo ignored the extent of the damage he had caused to him. It was something for which that single gesture would not have been enough. It would not have been enough to fix that single piece, because the damage was so extensive, so varied, and on so many parts of him that at that point it didn't even know if anything would ever be enough to turn back whole.
Liam sighed again distressed, trembling, squeezing even more.
"Really, you haven't changed at all"
Theo's sudden voice from nowhere made him jump on the spot. He loosened his grip on his knees to be able to turn. Stunned, he met through the spaces between the side boards of the wood house, Theo's tense and serious face, standing under him, a few steps away from the slide.
"What are you doing here?" Liam asked, his voice full of surprise and something that sounded like desperation. "How did you find me?"
Theo shrugged at the question. "You always used to hide up there when we were playing here as kids and someone was bothering you or making fun of you." He took another step forward, his hands in his sweatshirt pocket, but he never looked away from him. "You probably thought that no one would see you cry hidden there, but ... you were wrong. I can see you."
Liam turned to hide his face, and raised his hand again to wipe his eyes with anger. "I guess that by 'someone' you mean 'you'." he said bitterly, staring at a point in the distance in front of him.
"It wasn't just me" Theo said slowly, as if that made a big difference. He took another step.
"You were the starter. Always." Liam pursed his lips, finally finding the guts to look back at the boy below him, a sort of silent fury in his eyes. "And I never knew why. What the hell did I ever do to you to deserve such a thing?"
Theo for the first time looked down, swinging on his feet, as if looking for the right words. "I was a kid and I was stupid" he said finally, looking back at him, his eyebrows furrowed in a guilty expression. "Sometimes I still am." Theo shrugged. "I'm sorry, about the comic, I-"
"I already told you that's not the po-"
"It was not my intention to replace it. I know I can't. I was hoping to be able to compensate for what I've done in the past, but maybe you're right, I can't. Just like I can't go back in time and change things. If I could I would. All I can do is apologize. And try to do better from now on ... if you let me."
Liam stayed silent, his eyes stuck in Theo's. Then he looked down, as if in surrender. Theo took another step forward "Can I get on?" He asked hesitantly.
"It's a public place, you can do whatever you want" Liam said sharply.
"Not now"
Liam looked at him again, carefully. Then he shrugged with a sigh "Get on"
Theo's shoulders relaxed visibly, his lips tilted in a small smile, while with a jump, he climbed onto the small building. Liam followed him skeptically, frowning as Theo leaped inside. "Seriously? Couldn't you use the stairs?" Liam huffed, while Theo let himself fall a few feet away from him.
"Where's the fun in this?" Theo gave him an attempt to smile.
Liam looked at him again, before looking away, a faint blush making its way to his face at the memory of his outburst. "I'm sorry, that I yelled at you like that" he said weakly.
"Don't apologize, you idiot." Theo said hashly "I deserved it, -far from it... maybe you should have knocked me down and punched me. It would have been the least." Liam looked at him shocked, as if only the idea terrified him. "I'm serious"
Liam shook his head, letting an amused snort escape him. "Well I'll remember that for the future."
Theo also smiled, pulling back with his back until he rested completely against the cold wooden surface. They remained silent for a while, their heads tilted upwards, lost in observing the starry sky visible beyond the fence around them.
"You know" Theo said after a while "Maybe we should come back, your mom was pretty worried. And my father really seemed to want to punch me"
"You ... did you tell... did you tell them about this?"
Theo shook his head. "No, I couldn't do it. And then I thought you didn't want her to know, otherwise you'd talk to her about me years ago."
"Really?" Liam asked, surprised.
Theo nodded. Then he sighed. "Before you got home, she asked me to take care of you. She was afraid someone might bother you and picked on you ... " Theo gave a snort full of bitterness. "If only she knew ... she'd probably hate me too" Theo bowed his head.
Liam followed his movement. "I don't hate you" he said slowly.
Theo laughed skeptically. "I already told you that you shouldn't make me feel better, you should yell at me and beat me-"
"I don't hate you" Liam repeated more firmly. "I hate the way you made me feel all these years. I hate the fact that I never managed to defend myself or react. I hate never knowing what to say. I hate those bad memories. But I don't hate you. You were a kid, and we all do stupid things when we're kids, right? I was too. I was a coward, and probably still I am. But maybe now we can be different. Both of us. If we leave this story behind, maybe I'll be stronger and you ... "
"Less of a asshole?" Theo suggested
"You took the words right out of my mouth" Liam's lips tilted into a genuine smile, and Theo's eyes lingered on his face as he laughed too.
They sank back
into silence, this time less tense. They listened to the crickets
singing in the night, while the clouds that covered the sky slowly ran
away.
Then Theo took a deep
breath. "What if we go back home now?" He got up, tentatively holding
out a hand to Liam, who looked at it uncertainly before nodding and grabbing it
"Let's go home"
*
As soon as Theo opened the front door, Jenna rushed into the hallway, throwing herself into Liam's arms and squeezing him into a crushing hug. Theo met Paul's gaze, who had followed her slowly. The man beckoned to him, giving him a smile, which Theo returned weakly.
"I was so worried, honey! Never do something like that ever again!" Jenna exclaimed, giving him one last squeeze before walking away, her hands still on Liam's shoulders, studying him carefully as if searching for some visible wound.
"I'm sorry, mom, I just- needed ... to be a little by myself" Liam apologized, feeling a grip of guilt weighing on his stomach.
Jenna looked first at him then Theo "What happened?" She asked in anguish.
Theo saw the way Liam had tensed to that question and barged in. "We just - we argued..." he stumbled "-for the shower!" Jenna, Paul and Liam looked at him skeptically.
"Have you ... run away from home ... because of a fight for the shower?" Jenna asked, looking back at Liam almost amused as if she didn't buy a single word.
"It's a ... nice shower?" Liam tried, widening his eyebrows.
Theo snorted, in a vain attempt to hold himself, before bursting out laughing. J
enna looked at them
confused, as Paul approached her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You
see? Now it seems everything alright" he whispered in her ear as Liam
pushed Theo.
"Don't laugh, you idiot" he hissed as the other kept laughing. Liam then imitated him, the tension that gradually left them.
Maybe it would take time, but it was something they could work on. Something that they could make it work ... for everyone's' sake
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