I spend a great period of my years to know about who God really is. At first I couldn’t just accept his absence  from existence. Thing that bothered me the most is the idea of fairness, the right and wrong concept. Now I know I was heavily brainwashed by my family and society. Who can escape it?

When you are reading this book you are like reading the layers of thinking from my brain. I think about how we are in our formation of society, how everything became a great layer of information that can construct its own from of information. There was a time when I thought everything came from nothing, I was lacking the law of thermodynamics. The way of entropy, for everything to return to its ultimate chaos. I believed in a formula on my first age of questioning the God. First was unknown, after a push there was energy, when there big bang occurred because of a vast formation of kind that thing build the present cosmos. With only theory and no important discussion or calculation the believe system falls in a logical mind. I tried to give so many theories of life to ease myself, to mainly forget the absence of meaning or even God.
In all the lives I have seen humans are the one who seeks some kind of power over everything, I think that is because they have imagined God other than thinking what to eat next, or where to sleep next.In my previous believe that was in Islam God is on the seventh sky may be resting on his chair with a dictatorship over all existence. In all God believe it seems humans imagine themselves as the slaves of God. They feel the need to pray to him and ask him for things. This can from a future society that will hold a hierarchy. I call such global community my ultimate peace project. On the first chair one will sit, will be selected by the wise people of the earth. It will be activated when there in contact with alien galactic power. One who can unite all the separated countries of earth. Peoples survival option will be formed, where there will always be a Noah’s arc, so that people can survive even if the earth ends at any time.
It was pointed to me that if I take infinite points from an infinite line, the infinite is still there like it is not missing anything. I believe the universe is not infinite, if it is expending, it is expending towards something therefore it is not infinite.
To become the leader I need to motivate people, that will give me an army. The position to be a motivator is necessary. I have to train them, then I can take over with all the right moves. In that case Adolf Hitler was a great example and he could have won if he had made the right moves. I can be a leader with commanders controlling the population. So the system needs to be protected. I need to look for the hypothetical Americans, on they can make atom bombs at any moments, so I need to do it a lot faster. I have to be an infinite, as if they take my infinite away from me, I will still have infinite to go on with.
Now will the unfairness be erased if I form an organized super authority? Every child can be treated the same, family can be eradicated. Same teachings, same food, same clothes. Everyone need to have license for everything. But the problem is the emotion. Whatever I do humans are not to lead such lives. IT is like they are programmed by the nature to be rebels, to debate, to find freedom if they are imprisoned. But what it lead to? Off course to another imprisonment until they realize its another imprisonment. You can find such activity in all religious stories, forming one side is good and the previous one was for obvious  reason is bad.
Some time before Jasmine was my favorite female name now it is not. I can not stay with the same thing everyday and every time.
My first written short story was ‘I am from planet Earth’ then I wrote a novel called ‘Yahoo Chapter’; now I want to change every line that I had written. I could not stay with what I had written before. I feel like they were less.
Now imagine I have formed a brotherhood and set rules like 1. You have to kill for your brother, if your brother is wrong that can kill your other brothers, you have to kill him for Justice.
Such rules can create loopholes, and people are always looking for shortcuts or loopholes. If people are violent they will search for violent world where they will kill based on that rule I have set if they are a part of my set brotherhood.
A society can not also be with only good genes. People need to do bad stuff for someone to be hope and a hero. Otherwise a boring society does not create a better life.
In my diary I wrote’ If Allah do not exist everything is the same. There is no such thing as male or female but persons. No meaning of life, no reasonable excuse to live the life in this world. The mind here can only lead to suicide, and no meaning means the happiness and sorrow both are lies.’ Now I know, my mind changed in 2017. An existence does not need a God to exist. They can just become. The proof is around you. Its up to you what you make of it.
It was not a day like any other. I asked my mother to go local fair with us. No, my mother replied. I think at that moment I first triggered my split personality. I again asked my mother, why? Will it not be a joyful moment for you like will be for us? My mother relied my dual question with an Eh type sound, such ignorant behavior from my own mother lead me to feel like an ant. I feel like I needed to do something, I needed to feel my own size again. The next moment was crucial because I was pulling my mothers legs and trying to get her in the car.

My mother pushed me many times mentally. Most of my life her existence was like a threat to my life. It was not from the moment when she found out my father was cheating on her but from before, way before; nay be from the moment I was born. And it was not like she didn’t cheat on my father. Even I have doubt on my mind if Mr. Mokami is my father. I can be sure because I have a birth mark under the area of my ass.

One day Kalam the big one of her two little brothers called her a whore, I was the one who stand up to her, just because she is my mother? Or she feed me, or she took care of me when I was in need? There was time when she didn’t do those things. I am now deeply damaged because of both of my parents. They are lier’s and human. After all this years I only have hate for them, I wonder why. It is for them I think parents should have license before they can carry their child. For them I think I was never a child, may be a future investment like my father describe it to me before he left us. Imagine your life to like that, your parents didn’t give you enough time to enjoy and form you own life, then they did it by leaving you on a time of your need. You will want to destroy this unkind world. If you are born once you may born again and you do not want to reincarnate in this world ever again. Its the people like me who became the destroyers of the world, if I became such destroyer  I have two of them to blame.

The shape of man’s believe is fully based on how he was raised. Sometimes a bad raised man wants to become God or a  prophet. And people just can not forget their principles. Thats what happened to Muhammad or Jesus. When they declared themselves as prophet people with previous principles didn’t took it lightly. And this is the sentence that will banned my book in this country if I publish it. Therefore this book must be kept hidden for some time. I can get killed for this book. This book is for free minded people who are open to everything. As I have stated before This is a book to know all of my contradiction to reach to the absolute truth.

I imagined a character named Mega-villain who was  betrayed by everyone and everything even God wreck a havoc upon everyone and everything. It establishes my feelings on God. He is true villain of every story.

After I made any routine to follow I couldn’t. Every routine I made, I was always failed to follow it. I feel there are always separate that somehow connect themselves when the climax reaches. I call such action as an action of Precursor, the one who seen beauty and wants to see it again. I sometimes wants to be that. He is like Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes stories.

I always wanted the world to be equal for both boy and girl. In a village, the father of a daughter seems live a very stress living. Growing trees are their main aim. You can just look at Salam, the brother of my father. May be he used to have something against my mother. Lets discuss that later. The father of a daughter think the trees are their only hope for their future. They need to sell the tree so that they can marry their daughter off. The father of a son seems they are growing the tree for their own child, for daughter not so much. It is like daughters are curse to them. They expect so much from boys and consider them as part of their life. Where they do not think same of their daughter.As a good observer I would like to say, even things are changing now, people will not change for a long time.

The world is changing, also in our country. There will be time where everybody will be equal. Peoples work will be good enough to appreciate where now we struggle in every way possible. Imagine a girl named Amira who is very talented. Wherever she goes she shares her good ideas. A boy must help her, for her to survive in the long run. This our society. If slavery begins again, what will the boy do? He will rape the girl. We have such animal gene, we just can not help ourselves.The good thing is Amira and the boy, together they can also form the greatest family ever lived but what cause?

There is a pretty good difference between God and religion. If God exist that does not mean some religion is real. There is also a good question in atheist community, If God created us who created God? Thats a pretty good paradox right there. For me, I don;’t think there need any concept like atheism or Believer. I am quite beyond human thinking of such stuff. To know the reality of things people have to look around. Everything is not perfect, just in a mathematical way as like our vast universe. If there is a higher mind, he is not God but a life-form like us.

I always seen such principles in the universe like if something exist it is not always one, that means if there is one God there is more. Simple logic can destroy the logic-less believes. You just have to think to the point and not show that you are brain-washed. Some says if God does not exist why not murder, rape or lie every time? I don’t know what kind of logic this is, it just shows you just want to do them; You didn’t do them only because you believe there is someone invisible but he is like you will do something to you.

Whatever you say you can not make me ssay that religion is not man-made. We feel the need to do things as a community, so we somehow in the name of God created religion. Its like we deep in ourselves know all the answers to all of our question, we just have to ask them. If something is beyond your understanding that doesn’t not mean it was written by God. I have seen other life form, they have their own type of communication and science project to build, they have their own society to carry on, they does not need God to explain everything. It is only us who feel the need for such constructive knowledge. Its because we want to create our own universe, its because we want to be God, who knows may be we were before.

Now to understand what I am speaking of you have to be free of your own prison, you need to be free from your own biased knowledge. If you want to follow a life-style that is your own choice, why you have to make others to follow your madness? Oh,I forgot for a while that we are all human; for only this everything is justified. Let me tell you your life is a percentage of things and limited. It can easily be replaced by another, yes you are such, you are me, we are all the same, feeling special and all but in reality, a replaceable existence. Remember, you can always develop yourself from this nonsense, only then you will feel who a human really is.

I can not comprehend when people are seeing the existence of Chance and possibilities and also studying about them they have to add the thinking with God of not playing dice with the universe. Our existence number is small and like uncountable that does not mean we can’t exist. Oh yeah right we already do exist. Its like me saying to you to imagine your life to be organic, when your life is already organic. As your life is organic it need to be trained. Even your believe system need to be trained, thats how we got brain-washed in the first place, Its now need to be untrained. Sure we will be lonely and desperate, are we not now?

Everything is not binary, with only the sense of good and bad. If you are a man you can like more than one females and if you are a woman you can like more than one male, it always depends. We should not live only in our own shadows. We have to know what real life is. We should not lie, we should not betray others just because God, It is up to us. We should not be that small minded to think such cold offerings to the world. I had a face book account before now that was block, I created a group with that account called Anime and allz nakama union, it got block too. We have think like that. Everything is connected and everything is cause and effect.

There is another things that can be brought under consideration, there were people like Srabon, Kalam, Ashad who tried to order me around. I have to result hard feelings for it. Freedom is precious to us. You can not make me do something. I need to want it. You can not be my God or father, I am to choose what I will do. Thats what a pirate do. In that case I am a pirate. We are conscious to understand this state of the world. We are the modern human race, not old once who only believe in only one thing, most of all we believe in each other. We need to be direct and frequent thats how we will rise.