111. Your world is not magical, it is political. The survival of the fittest, with imaginary concept of good and evil, the morality is with who gets what. When my mother left me, there was no one from my mother's side to give me some understanding; and when my father left me there was no one from my father's side to  give me some time. No one was there to put me as no 1. I gained some friends and they were just turned out to be some people I knew. I learned what  it felt like to be really alone. I came to know what I really was. I felt the true nature of God and Existence. And I feel every bit of this EXISTENCE should just end. I am an avatar of God (FYNEMA) in this human body called Ashik leaving my love letter for the future of human kind, "you are nothing to this universe, without stories and your constructive imagination you have nothing because you made me feel nothing for you. You have developed weird ways to pleasure your selves, you think life means reproduction, you think love means the process of reproduction. So I have decided I will end this universe  after my body's death, unless you give me something to return to this universe again, unless you give me a cause you are not going to have more of this universe. Now do you think I am just telling it or do you take me seriously that's your choice. "

112. All human s are same; all their emotions are same, because of the development of their feelings they feel their emotions in different conditions. All they feel it is only inside, they are all Individual so they always try to hide their true-self. One who see part of others true-self, they feel love or hate in their own inside.

113. A brilliant mind dies when his brilliance fade away, a stable mind dies when there is no one to make him obey.

114. You don't have the obligation to help others. Beware of others, they may take advantage of you. Others are not you but imagine your self in their position, what would you do in their position? Exactly, you would have done the same. So help them when you feel the exact need. Your need is what is important to you. The world around you doesn't exist after your death just like your emotions fade away so soon, then moment later you realize that you have done what you shouldn't have done.

115. The universe is not a concept for balance or imbalance but only for a human mind. When you see something from outside that is its physical body, when you see something from inside that is its eternal body, when you see something from every direction, that is its divine body. The divine body of this universe is infinite and the divine body for us is human.

116. when you are saying every possible universe, you are saying every predicted universe. when there are conditions all the possible universe cannot exist. Because conditions lead everything to one single universe. You are saying, The universe is expanding just because one galaxy is getting further from another galaxy in a constant manner, you may be wrong, the galaxy can be orbiting something bigger because you haven't seen the other sides or there is a spiral wave that was released deliberately to keep the galaxies or the pile of galaxies to move in their constant form. Just look where you are contradicting yourself, space is not a thing, it is emptiness and it can only grow with destruction. Everything is this universe is orbiting something powerful than itself until they become content or something else.


117. Others have done wrong so tell it to them, show it to them, make films, create songs; make them realize how wrong it was. That's how you should be a rebel against any one. From One day there will be no need because then everyone will understand everything.

118. I have seen the heart of a teenage girl searching for her mother's attention, I was thinking, didn't even know I was looking at her. She accused me of molesting her just because I had a face she didn't like. Women say gender equality is necessary yet not everyone of them putting the same efforts. They think they deserve every thing, expect a man to even propose, want man to work until they die while they enjoy their housewife chores. Thank God not everyone is an equal, or are they? Nothing will change until everyone of you is responsible, no matter who you are. This world is not binary (man or woman), here either you do or you don't with more and more complexity and percentage that is low, balanced or high. To be truly equal man and woman should be separated or disconnected from each other. Until everyone is truly separated they will always be influencing or bullying each other. So divide the economy, then divide countries, then live with your own if you really think you are equals.

119. I cheated on life learning stories of man, by reading and by watching the sequence of their life. Their thoughts and Existence, their pain and pleasure; there was nothing that was special but a fading memory and some feelings that were temporary.

120. When I was little and I failed most of my exams, my parents never noticed me as I was getting all those poor numbers. But they never even tried to ask me what was my problem or realize if I was really here. They search for tutor for me but never open my text book to see what I was learning. Now I know the problem but it is too little too late. The world is now another world, a new word. But there are still people with old views and ideas, there will always be. Nothing will change entirely, there will always be people who will hold you back. You just have to move forward. (18 Jan, 2021)

121. If you don’t like what is around you, your existence is pain. Work based on what you know, have you seen a star? Everything leads to its glorious end, once I thought to die in a glorious way then the world was against me, I felt the death, still grieving for my own demise. Then I found out world was not against me but it was waiting for me, it wanted me to rise. Fynema stopped everything only for me,  the first constant, now giving me the thought that I am free.

122. There are some minds who judge you for who you are, ask yourself what would the best person you know would do or say. You are not what others say you are. You are a God if you want yourself to be. Everything you see is now, Everything is happening because of the first order of this universe and it is leading towards a new now where you are a memory. Everything is a process for a great end, an end where there will be the final constant, a stable order, you assumed as the happily ever after.

123. Imagine you are me saying, "I never disrespected anyone until they are in a process to scar me inside for life. On 19 Jan, 2021, I sensed the most disrespectful behavior from my brother. I tried to break down his door because he locked it down to make me feel low. I remembered Everything where in my perspective he made me feel little and where he was the evil. I gave him the key to many knowledge and windows, I introduced him to many concepts he was unaware of, I gave him a new view of life and he can just ignore me on my most unstable moment. And this give me the idea that I am not bound by anyone or anything at all. I don't want to feel life anymore, all those people were the same, I am the same. I don't want to be a human anymore. If this what humans do, this kind of behavior, in the name of good and evil, human kind are doomed and its the time to begin the next process for the harvest of fynema. There need to be a different kind of symmetry where I don't exist. This universe is a continuous process of a symmetrical bloom, and I don't want to be a part of it. I was forced into this existence, and it is my truth. All of me are feeling pain, all of me wants to get out of this world and this prison. I want my EXISTENCE to be more, I want everything to be an archive where I can feel the thrill or laugh at it; or I can just don't exist. Nobody was ever with me, every one was there to leave me or make me feel invisible. I understand my anger, it is the result of the company I get around me. I am the best and most trusted person I know, all I wanted from this world is not to make me a part of it yet it did and I can not get out. I let some people get close to me and they are the ones that hurt me, I let some people teach me and they are the ones that beat me, I let some people in my life and they are the ones who are controlling it. I have no Individual entity, I am not free. How long I can hide from this truth? Am I creating artificial bipolar disease for myself? I swear with my foul Existence that I will taste freedom no matter whatever it takes. And then the emotions or the action of others will not effect me anymore no matter how much disrespect i feel. How many times i can make them remember to maintain their vows and promises to others (Shojib Faisal)? Humans are the worst, they all need to die and that around them need to end so that there are no more of this. Then there will be peace."

124. Where there is only one religion, people with differences will be discriminated upon. Let others support you or get them disagree with you but don't let them ignore you because only in this case you will suffer. Have many people with you, let them criticize you but don't let them disrespect you because only in this case you will suffer.    Others come and give you hope, you believe them and let them decide, then they just leave you to deal with what they have done, confront them with all your might, otherwise you will suffer. You have the power to create the meaning of life, don't just let others give you their version of life for you to look for.

125. When i was little i told my father i wanted to be an astronaut, and he said to me with his sorry look, you can not be that from this country. He wasn't giving me any kind of support from the beginning, he was the worst enemy of my life.  In my whole life my father made me realize only he is the man who can rescue me, he brainwashed me into believing he is a smart guy and he will always be there for me. Now i know how stupid he is, making your children your will slaves is not a good thing. I would have made my sole goal to destroy my father, i didn't because i have siblings and they want their father. Don't make your children realize you are the only one for them to be sided. When they realize how wrong you truly are they will build the ultimate hate inside them. Let them choose. If they are feeling poor inside talk to them, have some interest in their work. Don't be my father, who thinks he is always right. Fight for your EXISTENCE and let them fight for their Existence. Introduce the world to them, do not hide and do not let them hide. Don't make fun of your children and don't make mockery of them. One day my father make fun of me being fat, because he couldn't make 5 people sit in a four sit car. Other day when he was having an affair we call him and he made fun of us. This people, this people around me makes me angry, makes me want to destroy every thing and everyone. Here, i am depressed on my age of 26 when i do not have my own willed memory.

126. 21 Jan my brother told me he needed to cut his hair because his senior brothers who are by the way my age will correct him into submission. I don't understand, he respects this people he don't even know but don't even give me any respect. Is it me? Am i stupid or something, is it me who is in fault? How come all this people treat me like shit? It is because i show my kindness? Do i let others to make less of me? I offered my brother many times to cut his hair from a salon but... This little things troubles me, is it my problem? Yes, may be it is because i let others do this to me. I can not just stay quiet or silent, i need to be more. I need to rewire my brain, i need to learn, i need to deal with this world otherwise i will the one who will be always dealt with. There is no real friendship just friends, there is no real brotherhood just brothers. If i do not attack, they will be the one who will be always attacking. This is the human world. When i have something to show they will be by my side, they will just leave when i don't have anything to show anymore. They will not give me respect until i make them obey me. I don't have any more wonder why this humans become criminals. Here, all you will say we are human and we have humanity, in reality, we are one of the product of nature, created by our predecessor to create some successors and to fade away in the river of cause and effect.

127. When they Call you a good boy that is not a compliment that's just show how weak you are. Try not to go anywhere unprepared, Because that will make you lose your confidence. On a trip have more money, don't be ignorant. Know your situation and what you can, do don't let others take control of you, be free and rebellious.

128. It was very painful for me because I didn't find anyone who saw me as me, is it because I didn't saw them as them either? Most of my university Life went on series and movies because I loved the sequence that was on that series on movie. imagine a marble run where you drop the marble on the beginning point, you cannot put your eyes away until it ascend to the endpoint. I love the symmetry of this universe all the sequence, the order, it is peaceful and soothing to my mind, makes me feel like a God for some reason.

129. When i was in hostel it was a perfect experimental ground, i was normal because i didn't make any experiment yet. Then all of them just turned against me. It has been happening all my life, everyone no matter who he is or who she is, they always made me the villain. No matter whom i made my friend, no matter who he or she is, my brothers or sisters, my parents or relatives, my teachers or some other random person, it was always me against the whole world. No matter if i talk to them or don't talk to them, if i play with  them or don't play with them, it always became me vs. them. I was the one always making compromise. For some reason they consider me as an imbalance, i was always an outside in their Shamshay equation. I still ask why i am an imbalance in their equations? The answer came to me, may be i was never meant to be in their equation, may be i am someone else, or something else completely, i was never meant to be in this world. May be I am a glitch or an error in the system. When this happens to someone all of his life, this is not just bad luck, it is because that someone is from outside the system. I am from the outside from of this system. Otherwise, this world is just wrong and a normal chaos which can just be vanished at any moment to reach its entropy.