130. The thing about being ready is you will never be ready for anything. Just stop what are you doing, and start the thing you are not ready for. Day by day you will feel stronger and one day you will realize you are very glad that you started the darn thing otherwise you will have always something to regret. And regretfulness only grows and becomes remorse.

131. The thing you should always consider is an anti-thought, you will be taught that slow and steady wins the race, but it doesn't help in an actual race. Numbers need to be in order but alphabet, why they need to be in order. Do you want everyone to think the same things? Why are you so afraid to be murdered when you are showing it in your every films and books in many inventive ways? They you tell them they are doing it wrong!

132. This may not exist for anyone else,  but it exist for me,  I am very sensative of everything. They think they can just do anything and look back at me. While I was in hostel, I used to call my father most of days, I can still see how pure I was, thinking that I have some special existence. I wish I had some kind of brain failure like Robin Williams, at least in that way I would had some misinformation. But it is not, Everything I see is not only my perspective, I see every perspective, I wish I can just see my path. Everything is visible to me like a pure glass. Remember your Bangla teacher Belayet, how he noticed you because of Asad and then you were just invisible.

133. One day my body temperature dropped like I developed hypothermia somehow, I called my father to immediately come home. But he said no. I came into my sense and agreed. I felt death that day, it felt like I was different from this body. Was it fake, was this feeling fake? The problem is I wake up in this reality every time, my body is changing, one day it will grow so old that I will not be this handsome anymore, one day I will just die. One day I will not return in this body. So what am I? It is always about how many players I have, I can use them to make my life easier. What if my body fails, what am I? What if I don’t remember anything, what am I? This is not existential crisis, this is part of me asking questions. I am not one but many, If you read this book you will find many of me. What is death but a permanent absence of me in this body. I was born in this body, I grew because of the environment provided for me. I will only die then when my body fails to resurrect me. My body summons me into this existence. It wants me to give it the experience of this reality. One day it will no longer summon me because of its own disconnection. Now why my body wants to feel alive or experience? I am separate from my body, from my emotions, from my calculation and from my reality, so who am I? From where my body is summoning me from. The most possible thing is I am a ongoing dream of my body, constructed by my body. My body is my creator. That explains how my body rewires the brain with its experience, it begins with different calculation and becomes another dream with updated ability. There is no reality or fantasy, there is only dream. And I am having many dreams within many dreams. The question is who is having this reality dream, Will it just wake up, or everything is just different for it. Nothing in this universe is one but many. Isolation stops motion of  the universe, everything have to be within some system for the ultimate movement of the universe. Any kind of system develops over time until the donors go extinct. The more time goes the more it seems the system is complex. Lets just assume for a moment the first constant Fynema is real, so why would it dream such illusions. After watching life and everything I came to a conclusion depending on observation and calculation that everything is the harvest of Fynema. In this theory Universe will never return to its previous state, it will always develop some complex system. Everything happens because Fynema wants it, It is obsessed to develop something more, everything will always be a never ending serial, there will always be something that survives. Now look at how human mind works, when they found there are prime numbers, they are still finding the most complex prime number. When you look you have to look at the ultimate memory of existence. May be Fynema’s harvest is to create this ultimate memory of existence. However we don’t even remember most of our memory or dreams. So why would everything to be constructed this way? What is created in a bigger scale can be created in a smaller scale, because everything has a beginning point and an end point, but without those which are constants. Fynema is an assumed first constant and everything happened because of it, there is no real existence of it outside my mind. It is not God but a cause. Fynema is a hypothetical construct to understand this universe. Where there are logics there are also emotions. Where there are tangible matters, there are dark matters or particles….this is how I think.

134. If i think i want everyone to be how i think them to be, i am the one at fault. I can not control this world, people are to be act in their own way. No matter who it is, people are supposed to be act like people, my parents, my brother, my sister and other people. If i think i am the only one who is kind, i have to think kindness is in all people, i just need to find their kindness too. I am in all people, i just need to find myself in them too. It doesn't matter if this world had one life or trillions, we are supposed to be ourselves. You just need to know you are not one Individual but many within yourself.

135. A conscious mind need a reason to live, need inspiration; you think you are conscious? So, search for inspiration and all new reasons that can help you live your life. Create something you want to protect, search for excitement and opportunities.

136. When parents become old and feeble, the children lose them; also parents select the children who make them happy. I will tell my father, I don’t believe in your God, if I go to your party it would be acting. From now on I will only be me, like they are only them. They act like they control the world, so I decided I will act like I am God. Better the essence of Fynema, the first constant. Remember your bangla teacher Akash? He made you get out of the class just because you didn’t have the guide book, he made you go to the empty hostel which you were not a part of to search for the book and you failed so he made you stand outside the hostel. Same was done by your evidence teacher Anam. They make you go to the same pathe and yet for your PTSD they don’t feel sorry or ask you if you have any kind of problems. They act like they are your teachers, parents or seniors but their characters are lower than you. Remember that social study teacher who grabbed your hair? Remember those Fancy teacher that make you hold your ears and do some squirts? They all are the same, trying to control their environment, humans are meant to control. Birds and other creatures are not eating their waste but but eating the food they are suppose to, humans are preparing them for them, nature has programmed them. Control? Everyone wants to control! Who doesn’t want to watch this world burn? And yet everyone can sleep but me.

137. What you can not erase, replace it with something else.

138. Sometimes you need friends or family or society or even a country. If you think you can live alone you are wrong. Believe me I have tried and found out nothing is real. To live others sometimes have to notice you and you need nice people around you to keep your mind sane. If somebody leave you or rejects you I know its hard when the population is so high. And remember it will rise even more. You have to learn to compete. Do you want others to get the best positions? Now there is no one, I am all by myself and I am my only teacher, may I was from the bargaining. No one was really there to wise me up, they either abused me or tried to control me. Now I have become someone without any real emotions or hope. I watch fake characters sharing their emotions, I now only feel for them. I have become lazy and fat. If you have the time and the power don’t let others to be like this, help them they will always be with you no matter what happens. Life is not a mystery or a fantasy and don’t make it one, when someone isolate their life only with their ideas and believe, the flowing of time makes it pointless. Thats why search and search, don’t stop to grab something new, let the world change, let everything out of control. Let them die, let them live. Don’t believe your idea is better or your life is better, let them find it out for them selves. If you want to do business, if have to find out what the customer needs.

139. Believe that you are the highest being of your known universe to become one. Your consciousness is creating your life. You can rewire your brain  and control the activity of your given genes. Don’t sleep on your life. Search for a next step. There is always something new and there is always something bigger. Speak what you are writing to not make a mistake, Don’t listen to Soha or any other brats. Feel and believe, you are creating your body and your body is crating you. You are a victim if you think you are the victim. People will look down on you, you have to be the one who have to let them know that you deserve respect otherwise they will treat you like shit. Observe what is going on around you, Dis you heard about the mars rover, sending signals o NASA? You may be an earth rover, can’t you? Sending signals to your true self.

140. Your feelings are your prayers. When you are feeling God you are praying to him, worshiping him. Your feeling towards anyone is worshiping that someone. So be more cautious about what you feel. You have to adopt the environment around you or the environment around you will just make you a history listen for the next generation in their version.

141. The thing you hide will be the thing to arouse you.

142. When parents have problems they send their children to hostels, when children have problems they send their old parents to retire homes. Some don't have the ability to raise children yet they have a cricket teem. Some didn't pass their teenage and yet their hormone force them to have sex which Some times lead them to have accidental pregnancy. When they are children they show that they don't like their opposites, but when they grow up, they show compromise, they lose to life. One is always raping the other; one way or the other. One has to be the no 1 for others to follow.
 
143. When you can create your own gravity you will erase the gravity of the environment you are in.

144. When I saw Farzana I thought “this one may be better than my real mother, as she never beated me, hated me or left me, never gave me the look or never accused of being a criminal.” I agreed with my father because I saw my brother was also in trouble. Then my mother did the unthinkable, she brought her entire family to beat up my father in front of us. Was Farzana better, no. She was just a fake mother. A fake is always a fake. I think only human can understand what unconditional love means. Even though I don’t believe in such things. Nothing changes, you can only go some where else but you would behave the same. Farzana’s response to my action was, “you are eating too much sugar, you have to wash your own clothes and her very favorite, my daughter…mine. What was my father’s problem? He was just a great pretender. Every people that I meet or I show any kind of my niceness were just that, many things have become a fantasy to me. I wish I can just go somewhere and start my life anew from being a baby. Yeah, I can’t do it. If I am to die why not die today, the result will always be the same which is death. Being a human fascinated me when I am no the one feeling it. But when anything happens to me it is unbearable if I am not responsible enough. Nothing goes away for me. The things that I experienced troubles my present decisions. How can I live such a life where nothing is real. Some people are feeling it in their brains. I tried to open up to other people but it was always just my problem. If I marry, have kids then they will grow up and have kids, I will just die and then they will made me their fantasy, soon after everything about me will just fade away like I was never here. Whats the point of any of this then? Believes change, you may understand by reading this book my believes changed over time. I am just becoming a shell day by day. Being an individual is hard, specifically in a country where you know a university admin is better than a school or college admin. The higher the place the better will be the respect. They will not respect you just because you are a human. You have to fight for it. This world is pain, life is pain. Everything needs to die just not because it is the conclusion, because it deserves it. If anything else curses us that will be we will never find true immortality. No matter what kind of God we can imagine, our God will always have weakness. When Farzana was rude to me, I understood I need to be fair. I waited 3 days without food then I brought my mother back home. As a human I am proud of myself because I know whatever I do I never sin, A sin to me is what is unfair to any other from me. Too bad Farzana blocked me “now her daughter will never know me only my sister will me, like which part of Akash knows me as his big brother.”

145. Until you meet anyone like yourself, you will be lonely.

146. If you can bring their one feeling of emotion in front of you, you can be their friend. You can make them feel sorry, fear, hate or love. Your words are always the best way, people find words to be addictive, you just need to find a way to make them listen to you somehow.

147. Pledge on what you want to become. Don't just sit if there is any possibility of danger on what you want to protect.  If something has started you have to see it through the end.

148. To all those bullies who are disguised as parents, teachers, friends, executives, counselors and seniors, stop bullying and treat people as your equals. You have power over people that does not mean you can spite them.

149. One human meets another human in some extra ordinary circumstances. People with equal needs always find each other.

150. When you can see the true characters of the people around you, you can see your true place. You will see what kind of decision they are going to make, you need to feel their heart and soul.