194. I had so many opportunities just to get it on with this girls. The thing I didn’t do was to follow this paths. I just didn’t want to be just another guy. I feel like anything I do is a waste. I saw my father building me up, just to do the same things he did. How can I live such pathetic life? Here death seems the only freedom and yet I don’t want to die for.

195. There is no time but the movement of energy. Humans theorize and speculate, they are not always right. Only results speak their truth. What they call past, present and future, its not space-time. But the space energy-positing. They need to find out how universe produce particles. Remember, everything have to come together to form a workable system, if there is any lack of any key thing, the system will collapse.

196. When you are giving money you have to take guarantee. You can not let go of the guarantee before you get every last bit of that money. Otherwise he will have power over you.

197. The more you try the more will be the chances. Chances just don't come to you, you have to go there to try more and to get the chances.

198.  Today one question troubled me, why do i even live? I don't feel any connection to this world. I can just die now, and i will not feel any regret. I feel my life is fulfilled. With stories i have grown and only with stories i feel something. My parents could have just talk to me when i was lonely and watching blast from the past because i was trapped. No they have done all they could. We were not a family but a citizen under a tyrent. My father was stupid that does not mean he had to make me stupid too. If this is this world everything needs to end.

199. Remember your brother when he was little and did the khatna, he disagreed with you and chose the opposite side. He proves man never change, he will always select the opposite side. This is his nature. Don't be surprised. Lets see how will your sister do.

200. World is like, i try to like them from the beginning but they get more difficult to deal with from the next.

201. Earth is like a cosmic egg. Oneday they will come out of this egg. Now they are just trying.

202. There are mainly two of you, God and devil. You can always conquer your God. But it is very difficult to conquer your devil. Some people can just become their God or devil.

203. All i need to do is think outside the box to develop my consciousness.

204. Attack on Titan ending becomes perfect when you think of the ending in a different way. " They were all warm foods". Unfortunately it becomes very similar to your story epic.

205. Some people are just friends to take things from you, to exchange things from you.

206. You put it on your text books and won't let us even talk about it?

207. Whenever i feel anger, why it feel so wrong? Why the information runs through my vain like a river to the ocean?

208. Why my brother can not see how right i am? Farzana told him to skip a year, i fought for his right, my mother sold the land. And yet he can not see. I wonder when did he decided that i am the one who is always wrong. My father could not see that i was fighting for him. Only Ashik can see me, when i fight for him. My mother could not see me before, now she can. Most of my friends could not see me. Those who could knows me well.

209. Yes i won. With a little patience and hits. My brother was on my team and i made my father think. My sister was fearful yet my mother was insightful. Believe in the fynema which is "everything fall on its place."

210. Remember Ashik, no one is you. No one is above you. Your existence is an act. Your father is a vampire. Vampires are sorrow. Their emotions are not true. Remember what they say and what they do. You need to make everyone think of you. You will show them your true self which is me. I am your boiling blood, i am your cure, i am your one piece and i will make you the king of the pirates.

211. To evolve you have to create your own world. Remember devil fruits, you have to create your own moves and your own rules. Do not limit your world, be real and unique.

212. The day i learned my father thought of me as his property, i rewrote my equation. The day i learned my mother wanted to leave us and marry someone else i rewrote my equation. Now my equation is to put everyone and everything in their places to summon Fynema. (Precursor)

213. In the front you are lost but overall you can be a winner just by standing still.

214. No matter what you say, you are the shadow of the people who raised you or around you.

215. Your emotions are your enemy. Those who create doubt within you are your enemy. Those who make you feel anger are your enemy.

216. I willed to kill my father and his second wife but never nami in front of magi farzana. What she said is wrong. Farzana is a bitch. Its for them violence is accurate and acceptable. If i was God, i would have given her cancer. When a great power stand against another great power morality wins. Lets see who has the side of morality, if not, may be none of us is the great power or one of us is. This taught me to never wage a war because of only one human being, many of them need to suffer before the intelligence is questioned based on needs.

217. Yeah 5 stages of grief, you don't always get what you want. The question is how many times one can accept something.

218. The morning was rainy and i went to my father. I told my father "i am no ones slave and i am free."

219. Stare into the enemy eyes when you are angry. Don't listen to your father, your father is a slave. You have to rule and go forward. You have to fight for your freedom. And those who stand against your freedom, eliminate them the way you can.

220. They talk big to confuse you. Do not be small, remember you are free and you have the power. Do not feel guilt or regret, they can use it to undermine you. Stand still and breathe.

221. The only question you need to ask, was it you who was helping or were it them who were using you. Convoluted, isn't it?

222. It was like i always knew, yet after my every statements i surprise myself.

223. From a very early age i understood freedom. I refused to be with anyone or bound by anyone. I was not someone important, rather i was free. I was Not doing their things, but i took their punishment freely to show them my kindness and respect. They couldn't see me or my ideology. I refused to understand them or talk to them, i refused to answer their questions. To them i was not a rebel, i was ignorant. Everything i do is for my freedom. Only those who care about me, i will care for them. Those who have feelings for me i will show feelings for them. I find my freedom in four things, experience experiment observe and disobey. This is my existence, and those who threatens my existence is not my friend.

224. They couldn't break your will did they? You are truly free.

225. I searched for the purity and fairness, but the impure and unfairness touched me. Their smiling mockery has been haunting me. And i will no longer live for them.

226. When i realized i can live alone, it was fun to stay alone. Loneliness was so addictive but the problem was the depression and other needs of mine. If i could just vanish from this world i would. I just don't want to live this pointless life. Why can't i just vanish like i appeared. I have written books that no one will read and done many things that no one will thank me for. I just needed some support which nobody gave me, i don't even have any real family. I feel darkness because of people not because i like to stay alone, its because how they treat me. I can just do anything but the problem is i have to deal with this people. If there is a question of me being a God, the answer is i am no God. If i am something, then i am AntiGod. I am free as i do not control anyone and i don't like to be controlled by anyone.

227. Do not think about what others did or how irrespective and irresponsible others are. This will only cause you pain. Concentrate on your self. They don't see you as a human. Curse upon them until the end of time. Purify your thoughts. You don't have to think about them. You can always rise and make them fall. But they are not worth it. This is where you should be ignorant. The time will take care of them and time will take care of you.

228. I feel this energy, to destroy everyone and everything. And i feel pure.

229. The world stopped with me and it wants me to rise. I am glad i ignored. I am glad on what i did. I am glad i am me. I am glad for the support. I am glad i waited, I AM glad for my environment. I wonder what will happen, i wonder if i was wrong. Yet i am glad on everything i did. I am glad because it was me who did it.

230. They will see my face and recognise, they will see my name and scream. Their hurtful desires will be punished and their God will be abolished.

231. I asked my father if he would give me a kidney in 2 years, he said no. He can say that farzana can't bare children but he can not say this a yes. So where he lies? Lets just curse them until the end of time. Remember he visited me in hostel to lie to my mother. And he asked me why i didn't give him blood. Ha ha. Lol.

232. I will not have to proof anything to them. I just need to be ignorant from now on.

233. Raising children in the bubble cause self harming when they face the reality. The later generation will always suffer more than the previous ones. The more time passes the less will be land and the more will be the competition.
234. You cried and they all had this smile. Remember ashik your loneliness is making you think all of this over and over again. This memories are repeating in your head. All your emotions toward this is enhancing. The fear inside you is also growing. Don't forget that your life is not ending in the contrary its just beginning. All your emotions are wrong. To move forward you have to let the old things go. If you want to know about this moments, you can always read me. Fuck your parents, friends, siblings and all those people. Just look at me, to me you are who you say you are. You thought your feelings can just go away? No it can't, you have to deal with it. Just let go, this memories will just haunt you. To think better and lead a better life you have to learn to let your emotions go.

235. When i learned i could bring 10 people to paradise i tried to make a list. And now i can just kill them all, erase them from existence. So laugh ashik, everything is a joke. and i will show you this joke in a long term version, With ones cancer, with ones rape and with ones sickness or you can just lose someone. Someone very dear to you which will just solve everyone's problem. And i remembered i hinted something like that before.

236. You can change your friends but the troublesome is changing the family. There will always be someone who will remember them. Even you have to deal with them.

237. You have created your own future, liar. You will know the wrath of the universe. You will know what is truly losing something means. You will lose your blood, and you will suffer like never before. You will die like your soul will be trapped in the underworld. You tried to hurt some pure mind that includes me, your son. As you are not in my future, Let your sufferings begin. Curse your existence and curse your life, all you did for me was for your own true-self. This will happen and i will not wait to hold your hand. You will never get me ever again. 18 jun, 2021.

238. Oh i want to exist, i just don't want to fade away consciously.

239. I went near death and i saw nobody was there. Everything and everyone was just a shadow of themselves and only i was real. I give them every bit of me just to save what is real of me, they ignored and so i rose to be the free-est man alive.

240. In life with powerful friends you will be a powerful man. Only your ignorance will cause you your fear.

241. There is only one way to live that is living without regrets. (One Piece)

242. I don't blame you, you were raised like this. Everyone doing everything for you. Now you are almost alone. What you have left is what you had from the beginning.

243. Here you can not just go to someone and share your opinion. Not everyone can handle what they believed was wrong. Not even you can see everyone's side clearly. You can only think how only you can survive.

244. There was two ways in front of me to choose, one was to be a slave and lose my soul and the other was to sacrifice the smooth life ahead of me. So i gladly sacrifice an intolerable future.

245. They come to a new house to leave the old, for my father it was different to be the goat. My grandfather left his old house to come to a new, my father left old house to come to a new. He left too much house now he doesn't know which is his real. Only one house is enough when you have everything you need is there.

246. My subconscious tells the future and my conscience gets frightened. Everything that was told is happening now. I am enjoying it, lets see more of it. Whatever i said conscientiously will not happen, if i have indicated it with my subconscious it will happen. This makes me feel like a God.

247. Human can not help themselves for being so stupid and irresponsible. The world is boring and shocking. You can always find someone better than you or worse than you. With new things sometimes people can not handle themselves.

248. He left us, sold his car, his lands, his apartment, made a new house and never bothered to talked to me. When i called him he said he was busy, then he had a heart attack and got angry because we didn't go to the hospital to give him blood, where farzana lied to us on needing any blood. Then he threatened me with the police and ignored my calls. If this is my father than he is the worst father one could ever have. He lied to us in every way possible. He made me realize that I can not trust anyone. He sent masud to go to my brother to a doctor but he requires our blood. He made me laugh like joker. If there is a hell he is bound to go there. Every human have good sides that does not mean they all live forever. World is beautiful because people like him also dies. I never even heard that someone would torture their own children until i met my father in his 60s. I would be very happy of he just suffers with some ultimate loss, this would recreate all the confidence that i lost.

249. If you think about the same thing everyday, it will just crash you. Try solving problems.

250. Yes break him, break him into pieces. Take everything that was given. One death will be enough, one specific death to erase his God-ness. To make him realize he is not the centre anymore. One great loss, please do it.

251. I guess the cage was too small to keep it shut in.