At this, Dayatar looked up again, his eyes going wide while his mouth opened. He wanted to speak up, telling him that he had nothing to apologize for but then keeping quiet because he also didn’t want to tell the Kazahd what to do or not. Where would he take that right?

Yashaadu Naj waited for him to decide. When Dayatar finally lowered his head again without saying a word, he held back another sigh. "I know you must have been shocked when I told you to take Elder Aeliann’s hands."

Dayatar lowered his head further, his hands that were still wrapped around his husband’s shoulders clenching into fists. Yes, he was clearly unhappy.

Yashaadu Naj gave him a moment to sort his feelings before he continued. "I did not want to hurt you. I know you are … faithful to me." This was something he had never doubted. Despite his vagrant life before, Dayatar had clearly not known the touch of a man before he took him into the palace. This kind of person, he did not hold any doubt that he would be true to him.

"I also know you feel shamed because of what happened. If it had been a normal situation, I never would have allowed it either. But this …" He shook his head and then reached up, cupping Dayatar’s cheek. "I am worried about you.

"You didn’t hear it but people are whispering. It started shortly after you came to the palace and it did not stop no matter what I did. As your husband, as Kazahd, I should be able to stop this but nothing seems to work." He had a few ideas why that might be.

In any case, with Dayatar not affiliated with any powers in the court, nobody profited off their relationship. And since Dayatar observed the rules of the court so meticulously, those people had no way to facilitate good relations with him either so that he could use his influence in their interest in the future.

If he had had anyone’s protection outside of Yashaadu Naj’s own, they might not have dared. But right now, it was impossible to say who had started the rumors so he could not punish anyone. They just hoped that this would take care of one of their problems. After all, with Dayatar gone, wouldn’t he spent more time with his wives again? They certainly thought that they would gain more influence on him this way.

Just thinking of this, he was furious. But his fury alone couldn’t solve the issue or it wouldn’t have been one for this long.

He took a deep breath and then sighed once more, finally rubbing Dayatar’s cheek with his thumb. "I might have waited things out and observed first but there isn’t enough time. As soon as something happens, they would accuse you. If, at that time, I did not have anything to prove that you are innocent, the consequences might have been dire."

Dayatar glanced up after a moment, his gaze confused. "But you are Kazahd."

"You must really think me almighty."

Dayatar didn’t dare to nod when his husband said it like this but his gentle gaze told Yashaadu Naj everything he needed to know.

He laughed and shook his head at him. "Did I not teach you enough about the court yet? I may be Kazahd but there are many people involved in leading a country. All of them have their own interests, their own uses, their own dangers.

"You are vulnerable as long as you are not at my side. And this matter is one that could have endangered you. I wanted to solve it before it became an issue. For that …" He reached to his shoulders and grabbed Dayatar’s hands, holding them in his. "I am sorry but I had to do this to you."

Dayatar kept quiet for a moment but then nodded. "I understand."

"Do you?" Yashaadu Naj looked at him, his gaze searching.

Dayatar didn’t speak up immediately but then gave a hum. "This Elder is a magician, is he not? A very strong one, probably. And his word has weight even in Peraad I presume. If he says that I do not know magic, then the people in the court cannot say that I bespelled you. If you can prove it, you don’t need to know who started the rumor, you can punish anyone for spreading it further."

Yashaadu Naj inclined his head, deep satisfaction in his eyes. "That is the case. As for this …" He raised Dayatar’s hand and rubbed his fingertips with his thumb before he lowered his head and kissed them one by one.

Dayatar lowered his head, not to follow the rules for once but because of his husband’s actions. Clearly, Yashaadu Naj did not mind in the least what had happened. He did not think lesser of him. In any case, all this had only been done to protect him. Rather than showing that his husband had tired of him, it was a show of his love.

Dayatar glanced up and caught his husband’s gaze. Before he could look away again, Yashaadu Naj reached up and gently grasped his chin.

"What is it, Naj-il?"

Dayatar hesitated. He never questioned his husband. What his husband decided was what should go. But there was indeed a question burning at the tip of his tongue. He would have liked to know the answer.

"Just ask."

Dayatar hesitated for a moment longer but then spoke up. "There is nothing, Kazahd. I … I was just thinking that I didn’t quite understand your reasoning for not telling me beforehand."

Yashaadu Naj wanted to nod with satisfaction when a peculiar look entered his eyes. Actually … his husband had once again danced around the issue. He hadn’t asked him. He had merely observed that he didn’t understand. Now it was up to him whether he wanted to enlighten him or not.

He sighed, his gaze turning indulgent. Well, trying to skirt around the rules was still better than nothing. He would take what he could get. "You are right. Maybe I should have."

Dayatar hastily shook his head. He clearly hadn’t wanted to criticize his husband!

Yashaadu Naj ignored his protest though. "Not doing so was finally what led to you being confronted with the issue suddenly, not knowing what was to come or why I was asking this of you. I guess it played a part in upsetting you."

Dayatar shook his head again but it was less fervent than just now. Clearly, the Kazahd had hit the nail on the head.

"To be honest, I was afraid. I know life in the palace isn’t easy. I know you might feel lonely at times when I can’t come to see you and that the many rules might seem overwhelming every now and then. Maybe you actually miss your freedom."

Dayatar’s eyes widened and he shook his head for the third time in a row. He didn’t miss any of that! The life of a refugee was hard. Not just that but while there were no official rules to follow, you still needed to follow those you learned while wandering on the streets or you would make enemies for yourself and who knew how that might end when you were alone out on the roads?

And yes, the loneliness was the worst. You traveled the roads alone, you asked for people’s grace in the cities alone, and you would also lie alone at night, gazing up at the stars and wondering when somebody would bother to even talk to you again.

Usually, it might be a chatty priest that would like to tell you all about Ashakar, the same stories you had heard many, many times before. Dayatar had always listened despite that. Even if he had to hear it a hundred, a thousand times more, he would still listen to it. Because what else would he listen to?

Now though, there was somebody to tell him things. Not all of them were mere stories. His husband had told him about actual places, actual people, actual things. He remembered every moment and he cherished each of them.

The freedom of a refugee? He didn’t know what that was. He only knew that he was happy being the Kazahd’s husband despite the hurdles he had to overcome. He didn’t know how to tell his husband though. In the end, he just lowered his head and rested it against his husband’s shoulder, trying to show him that he would always rely on him for as long as he let him.

Yashaadu Naj gave a faint hum and rubbed his back. "Well, there wasn’t more to it than that. I figured that if I told you about all the problems you hadn’t even noticed that you might not want to stay. That was selfish of me. I realized when I saw how you reacted after we came to the city. I didn’t think you would take it this badly." He sighed and then tilted his head, kissing the top of Dayatar’s head. "It is turning evening. Let us prepare to rest for the night. We seldom have the chance to spend this many hours together."

 Dayatar lifted his head again and nodded. At home, there was always somebody who would require the Kazahd’s attention. From the people at his court to guests from faraway places to Yashaadu Naj’s wives, there was always somebody.

At most, they would have a few hours in the evening or maybe a full night but that rarely lasted even until the first golden rays brushed upon their faces. And how many nights could be reserved for the only man in his harem when he could also lie with the women and sire more children?

Yes, this journey was a gift. One that not many would be made of. Naturally, Dayatar would cherish it.