Revenge is something many people seek when they are wronged, when we are wronged we feel the need to punish the ones that have done us wrong. With the right trigger, we can do anything to make sure that our pain lessens which includes seeking revenge. When we retaliate we forget to consider the future, we look at the past and we look at the present pain and think of ways to erase them, without thinking of what that could do to our future. I am no exception, in the throats of pain and anguish, I did what I thought was best, at the time, I chose to satisfy my guilt, and blame by seeking revenge. I wanted the pain to go so bad that I erased the true me, who was at that time, afraid of hurting others. Now as I look at the mirror, I cannot see myself. I am faced with someone who is foreign to me, someone who is barbaric, and someone who is in pain. The pain I wanted to erase has just multiplied, and the days I spend now, I filled with trying to ratify the past.
Here I am, smiling, and kissing up to the man that I loathe so much, the man that has brought me so much much. By my side is a man that has helped me with a lot, a man who loves me that it kills him, a man I cannot love back. I know I am just using the fact that he loves me to justify the position he has placed me in, among others and in society, but even I know I am worse than the scums that are looking at me. I am breaking a man before he has even reached the sun. Like the Icarius I am flying too close to the sun and I cannot turn back to be sincere with my emotions.
Although I haven't seen him (my father) in a long time, I still feel anger being in his presence, seeing him and his family laugh, how dare they laugh while I'm in pain, the past is forgotten to them, now that I am sitting with a rich alpha. Tanek looks just as uncomfortable, but that is just another guess, although he has declared his love for me, his expressions are still as cold as ice. I can't be bothered to care at this moment because he is making me worthy of being at this table. 8 years ago, I had been thrown away with just the clothes on my back. I am filled with shadows and memories that won't go away.
My own naivety makes me angry, how could I so bluntly forget the people had no guilt whatsoever when they destroyed the innocence and trust of a young child when I couldn't understand what I had done to have such hate, and weirdly enough here I am only 2 weeks after meeting Tanek again. sitting with the wolves, and contemplating.
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