It’s not hard to end up in a dark place. It’s quite easy actually and sometimes the darkness sits there at the forefront of your mind, creating shadows in your light. Is it so bad to want your light to be limitless? Just for a short amount of time? It’s not hurting anybody. I’m a good person. Don’t judge me. You don’t even know me. Not really. No-one does.
The way people perceive others is a truly funny thing to comprehend. There’s so much power held in the eyes of others and yet, it’s so easy to manipulate. Like a game really, but not everyone seems to know the rules. Does that make me lucky? Or is ignorance truly a bliss? Either way, it’s not hard to figure out people’s perception of myself.
She’s so young and accomplished. So level headed and calm. So funny and easy to talk to. She’s always smiling. So beautiful.
Bet she’s easy. Look at her talking to everyone here, clearly, she wants some. Probably been had by half the guys here too. Good for one night.
One night is all you need to make a difference. One good party, one good drink, one good deal...
What does it even matter? Especially if tomorrow is my day off. A bottle of water and some paracetamol on the bed side table. My phone already charged, that text saying I got home safe. Who cares if I got to that point with something extra in my bag. If, sat next to the bottle of water is a shortened straw and a credit card It’s no one else's business. This is my room. My dreams.
Sometimes my dreams just need a little bit of light to guarantee that I like them. They’re not entirely counterfeit, my head space dictates the style. Sometimes I’m a world-famous author, other days I can run a marathon. I get to watch as these feelings become reality, watch my reality blur into a spectrum of different colours recreating a rainbow behind my eyelids. So beautiful. So sparkly. So much black.
Morning always comes. My bottle of water is always drained and the paracetamol is always ingested. My phone
Save beeps with the photos from last night being sent over. The group chat buzzing. It’s Saturday. That unspoken question hangs in the cyber air of the group, “Tonight?”.
The answer is always yes. I don’t have to respond to the barrage of messages that cause my phone to scream and shake violently. I never respond but they know as long as there is a time and place mentioned I will turn up. Texting is so annoying, especially in group chats. By the time you have typed out your message in response to a person, three more people have already replied and the topic has flittered to something else and your comment is no longer needed. You delete your text and give up trying to have a say in the chat.
I switch my phone to vibrate to make it less annoying. Never to silent. As annoying as the constant attack of vibrations is, it’s a comfort knowing that my social life is still active. I should choose something to wear for tonight, if its Saturday then the girls will want to go dancing so my big question of the night is heels or converse. Actually no, my current dilemma should be cereal or toast. I have no milk. Toast it is. I have no bread. I need to go shopping.
One dreadfully long shower later and I am walking to the local supermarket. Headphones on, wet hair leaving a cool puddle on my back and bullet for my valentine blasting in my ears. Today is good. I follow the familiar path to the dairy isle and then the bakery section. Maybe I should splurge and get a sausage roll for the walk home. I still haven't had breakfast, and they looked so enticing, fresh from the oven, the pastry still hot and gooey. Even the normally wearied bakery assistant seemed to be beckoning me over.
“Excuse me, I’ll have-”
“Give us that sausage roll, love?” A large, over bearing voice interrupted me. I turned around slowly. My hand already pulling my headphones down to around my neck.
Someone is about to be killed.
Behind me stood a lumbering mass of muscle, tied together in sweaty gym gear and a painfully smug grin. He seemed to take notice of my reaction as he put two and two together yet somehow managed to make nine.
“Well hello there, Hunny.”
Oh lord, please no.
“Seems like you were in a bit of a rush this morning.” He said indicating to my still wet hair sticking to my back. “Or did you just wanna give me that fresh out the shower look first to get my hopes up?”
Is it rude if I just vomit on his shoes in response? I mean, I’m in a supermarket so that’s definitely a bad thing but this is so painful I need the escape.
Suddenly he reaches over my head and takes a sausage roll the bakery assistant hands him, and to my horror I notice that this is the last one. I feel my face heat up in rage as I most definitely begin to turn red. I look up at the towering ogre of a man but before a syllable can even form in my mouth he begins to chuckle.
“Damn you’re an innocent little thing aren't ya?” Clearly mistaking my red face for a blush instead of fury.
“Sorry but I’m into the more mature ladies.” He tells me as he turns and saunters away. I'm left there fuming, too socially awkward to go after him and give him a piece of my mind. Not only did this monstrosity steal my breakfast but he also rejected me when I didn’t even flirt with him! I never even said a word!
Today is a day where someone will die.