Chapter 8

          Issi fiddled with an enchantment, this one was designed to help pull the salt from the more thoroughly ruined fields of Repren.  Or, at least, it was supposed to, her master’s notes were nearly indecipherable, scratched out on corners of papers and wedged between pictures of beaks and wings.

          The letters blurred as she sifted through the papers again.  Maybe if she lit them on fire and scattered the ashes, whatever it spelled would prove more useful than the nonsense spread before her.

          “Issi,” she flinched.  The papers spilled from her hands and scattered across the tables.

          “Issi!”

          She squared her shoulders and bade her heart calm, “Yes, master?”

          “You’re useless, go to bed,” she went rigid when his hand landed on her shoulder.

          Fear clouded her thoughts, “I…uhm, I wanted to—” the rest of the sentence escaped her.  When was the last time she’d slept? “Who will watch you if I sleep?”

          “I didn’t ask, go to bed.”

          Issi swallowed a complaint and stood, “Of course.”  Breathing was easier once he let her go.  She hurried through the door, flinching as it slammed shut behind her.

          The halls were dark. Her master hadn’t thought to light the torches, so the only illumination came from the pools of moonlight that spilled through the windows that faced the garden.  The claustrophobic stairwell that led her to the second floor was a starless sky.

Her cage wasn’t a welcome sight.

She’d been avoiding it.  These days, sleep brought nightmares, if it wasn’t a beating, it was her family’s portrait going up in flames, or her trying to accept the prince’s offer only to find her mouth sewn shut.

And the forest.

It was waking from that one that she didn’t like. 

Her body ached for her to rest, but she forced herself before her vanity and carefully plucked the pins from her tresses.  Large tumbles of hair, now freed, cascaded down her back in black velvet waves.

She braided it and tucked it beneath a silk scarf before spending a half bell deciding on her outfit for the next day and donning a night dress.

Her bed called her, and she was fast running out of excuses to ignore it.  She still wasn’t permitted to read outside the study, and violin practice would alert the mage to the fact that she was still awake.

She could try sneaking out, but “Del” appearing in the middle of the night would be hard to explain.

And her bed was soft.

She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

Sunlight kissed her skin and pressed its warm body in dapples against her eyelids.  Her chest rose and fell with a sigh.  She almost wished for the smell of burning flesh and searing flames.

At least when she woke from that dream, she was grateful to be where she was.

Birds chirped high overhead.  If she opened her eyes, she’d see their bright bodies flitting through the branches of towering long limbed trees.

Even the clothes were pleasant.  A pair of gods blessed trousers, and a shirt that didn’t seek to press her breasts together and stop her from drawing air.

She sat up and ran her fingers through her hair until they caught in ringlets and curls.  She laughed despite herself, delighted.

          If she had the choice, this would be it, how she looked, how she dressed, how she’d be.  She fell back into a bed of vines and twirled a leaf between her fingers.

          “You’re a weird one.”

          Issi bolted upright.  She searched woods and found nothing. 

          “Hello?” her voice shattered against the trees and scattered through the undergrowth.  There was no response, “I’m sorry?  Did I not start soon enough on the search for nothing?”

          The forest was decidedly quiet.

          The need to move niggled at her, the desire to seek out warmth and sweetness that would drive the sudden dryness from her mouth, hadn’t yet grown insatiable, but it was there.  She stood and started searching, but without knowing exactly what it was she was looking for, it felt useless.

          She pried up rocks and studied the many legged creatures that clambered beneath them, she crossed small rivulets, and traversed meadows thick with flowers. 

          Nothing answered the yearning she felt.

          “What are you looking for?”

          Issi spun again, a shadow caught the edge of her vision, but when she turned to face it there was only forest.  She ignored it and focused on finding a way to cross the river without getting completely soaked.

          “What are you looking for?”

          Issi threw her hands up in frustration, “I don’t know.”

          “Why are you looking for it?”

          She sighed, “It’ll make me feel whole.”

          “Whole?”

          “Yes, whole,” Issi grumbled. She could try skipping across the rocks, but there was a jump she wasn’t sure she’d manage.

          “You look whole to me,” the voice mumbled.

          Issi paused.  She was looking for a girl, or at least someone who sounded like a girl.  There was nobody near her and no body anywhere.  Stupid dream.

          She leapt to the first rock. Her arms flailed as she caught her balance.

          “And what’ll you do if you find it?”

          She fell.  The water, it turned out, was cold enough to snatch the air from her lungs. She spat out a series of curses as she clambered to her feet. 

          “Are you ignoring me?”

          At least that meant Issi didn’t have to worry about leaping across.  The river only came up to her calves.  It didn’t look to get much deeper and the current was very forgiving.

          The grit was going to irk her.

          “If you don’t tell me why, I won’t understand.”

          Issi sighed, the voice showed no intention of leaving her be, “I don’t know what I’m looking for, or what I’ll do when I find it. I just know that I’m getting closer.”

          “What does it look like?”

          Issi reached the bank, her clothes dragged and stuck to her skin.  Water splattered into the dirt as she wrung what she could from her shirt.

          “I don’t know that either.  I just know that it’ll taste…sweet.”

          “So, you’re going to eat it?”

          She wondered, “…I’m not sure.”

          “You seem awfully unsure of a lot of things.”

          Ipheoth grant her patience, “It’s a dream, I don’t think it needs to make sense.”

          “So, you spend all dream looking for something you’ll never find?” the voice pressed curiously.

          “What does it matter?” Issi snapped.  This had been fun and games, but all the questions were starting to irk her.

          “Because if you keep looking, you’re going to die, and you won’t even know why.”

          She carved a path between the trees, her voice dropped to a petulant whisper, “I’m dying anyway.”

          “You’re only dying because you don’t realize there’s a choice,” the voice replied emphatically.

          Issi paused her feet drawing still, “Then how do I stop?”

          “You’re already whole.  Stop looking, whatever it is they’re offering isn’t meant to complete you.”

          She let out a jagged peal of laughter as she turned towards the sun, it felt right, warm.  Sweet?  Her nose crinkled.  That wasn’t quite right, but had she been meant to follow it?

          She nearly made it a full tick before her curiosity got the better of her, “Who are they?”

          She could almost feel the voice shrug, “Not much of anything these days.  Whispers, bedtime stories, legends, myths.  I think your lot calls them gods.”

          Issi prickled, was it testing her devotion? “And you?”

          “A fable, maybe?  A prophecy?  A girl?  I’m not too sure anymore.  I used to be called Tani, but things changed and changed and changed.  I haven’t talked to anyone in a very, very, long time.”

          “I must be very fortunate,” Issi’s words dripped sarcasm.

          “You’re not, I pity you,” the voice answered blandly, “Rua would have wanted to talk to you, so I figured I’d try, but you’re not very nice, and talking is…hard.”

          “It seems like it’s—” 

          Issi stopped, forgetting the conversation entirely.  It was there, or at least part of whatever in Naya’s hells she’d been looking for.  On the other side of a meadow, the forest changed, the trees stretched until their limbs seemed to scrape the skies and the undergrowth all but disappeared. Flowers lined the edges in all sorts of shapes and colors.

          It was there.

          Whatever she was missing, was somewhere in that forest.

          Issi took off at a run.  The grasses brushed against the fabric of her clothes, the sun beat down on her from above.  The flowers were more beautiful the closer she got. She hadn’t known colors could be so vibrant.

          Just ten more steps.

          Six more.

          Two more.                                    

          One.

          “I’m sorry,” the voice was barely a whisper.

          “No!” Issi woke abruptly the cry still scraping her throat.  She’d screamed. Her cheeks warmed as a startled Ner hurried to her side.  The sun outside her window had risen high enough to stop painting the skies anything other than a pale, sickly, blue. 

          Issi had to reset her alchemy clock.

          “You almost gave me a heart attack,” the maid’s hand clutched at her chest.

          “I’m…uhm,” Issi’s attention drifted towards the window as she worked on convincing her fingers to release her covers.  A vine curled through it, dripping in delicate white flowers.

          “Ner,” she began slowly, “Is there a—, could you check my window?”

          The maid studied her curiously, “Of course.”

          Ner peered through and around the glass.  Issi watched intently as the maid’s hand pressed against the vine, then went through it.

          It wasn’t real.

          “Everything seems to be in order,” Ner swiped unnecessarily at the sill, gathering whatever imaginary dust she’d decided needed dealing with, “Was something wrong with it?”

          Issi shook her head, “Uh…no, it was nothing.”  She plastered a warm smile on her face, “I just thought I saw something.  That’s all.”