In the evening he approached the shower very hesitantly. There was no one to be seen. The afternoon screwing seemed to be over.

He stopped shortly before the showers. He could already hear the water running. David wasn't sure if he would want to be touched again today. Would James understand that?

He entered the changing room uncertainly and took off his clothes. He entered the shower room with small steps.

As always, James was in the first shower and shampooed his hair. When David saw him standing there, he eyed him for a while. One could still saw single bruises. His leg was still bandaged, but the bandage seemed to be more of a support than a real wound healing. Apparently, it wasn’t a problem for it to get wet. James’ butt was round and well-shaped. Why was everyone aiming at David and not at him? Maybe because James was not someone to play with. Shouldn't David keep his hands off him, too?

"Hey," James breathed as he turned around and shut off the shower. David hadn't noticed that he was being watched himself. His eyes darted up to the blue eyes that looked at him uncertainly. "Everything okay?"

"So-so," David murmured, pressing his lips together.

"Where have you been today?" James asked out of the blue, walking towards David. His hands slipped around David's waist. They were nice and warm.

"Where I was today?" David repeated in surprise, frowning. The touches were a blessing and at the same time pure hell. David needed some love, but at the same time he didn't want to be touched.

“You were gone for almost 45 minutes this afternoon. That worried me,” James said, leaning against David's chest. His body was pleasantly heated by the shower. His hair smelled of mango. David was starting to think of James whenever he smelled that scent.

"How do you know I was gone for 45 minutes," David whispered, simply hanging his hands down on the sides.

It took a few moments for James to answer. “I have a couple of men who are keeping an eye on you. For safety."

"You let me watch?"

"Yes. David, for safety's sake," James sighed as if speaking to a child, which would not understand the facts. “I can't take care of you personally. So someone else has to do it for me.”

"I always had the feeling someone was watching me ..." he murmured. The guards, the inmates. Strange looks that always stuck to him. They were real. Not just a coincidence.

However, James did not want to talk about the fact that he was acting like a stalker. “Where have you been, David? You were in administration, after that you were gone. Please tell me you weren't with Hook.”

David didn't know how to respond. Could the day really be worse? First, the prison director masturbated on the back of his neck, made a dangerous deal with him, and basically bought David's body. Now he also found out that he was being spied on by James, whom he had actually trusted. All day long. Why else would he know that the conversation lasted 45 minutes? Shit, not even David himself knew it took 45 minutes!

When there was no answer after several minutes and David was standing like a pillar of salt in the middle of the shower room, James suddenly pulled away from him and looked at him sternly. “You play with fire, David. You get yourself into something that will bring you more than trouble. And with Hook - shit - I can't help you there! The guy is the director. You can't kill him. At least not without going to hell yourself. Put a fucking gun in his office and four machine guns will fire at you.”

"Sounds like someone has tried it before," David muttered, looking down at the floor. Stupid, small details that do not match the subject suddenly appeared more important than anything else. A defence mechanism. Like: James’s feet were a lot smaller than David’s, but also a lot neater.

"Don't give a shit, okay?" James suddenly said, forgetting the fine language he used to use when he was with David. “For fuck’s sake, David, you really have a nut loose! Why are you volunteering with Hook, huh? What did he promise you? New clothing? Jewellery? Money? A single room?"

David didn't know why James suddenly got so angry. And why he could recite so well what Hook had to offer. "I just had my reasons."

James snorted vigorously. “Is it information you need again? Seriously? You go so far for that? What for, David? What do you need to know if the mafia is doing business here? Why do you need to know if there was an undercover cop here or not? It's none of your fucking concern!”

Yes, James was not entirely wrong. Basically, David didn't care. Just like everything in his life so far. And yet David was trading his body for information. Because he had to.

James’ eyes blinked several times while David simply said nothing. Suddenly James pulled the corners of his mouth down and his eyebrows together. His eyes went bewildered to the side. "Fuck," he pressed out of his teeth. David didn't know what had happened, but James had tears in his eyes.

"Are you crying?" he asked just to be sure. He no longer completely trusted his perception.

Instead of answering the question, James put his hands on his hips and bit the inside of his cheek. “He'll kill you, David. He'll kill you as soon as you get bored. That's exactly what he pulled off a lot.”

David knew that. But he hoped that he would be off the hook by then and that it would never happen.

“I can try to get you out of there. I may be able to give Hook someone else to eat. Which he would rather have. So that he'll quickly forget you… or something like that,” James murmured to himself, turning a few times around his own axis as he continued to struggle with tears. Indeed, what David lacked, James had too much: emotions.

"Let it be, it’ll work out," David said, slowly taking a shower. He turned it on and became deaf from the sound of the water. But James’s voice was still loud and clear.

“You don't do anything! You stay well behaved and do as I tell you! Don't make it worse! Shit, I always have to pull you out of some shit!”

"Always?" David snapped annoyed as he took James’ soap and spread the foam in his hair.

"Yes, always!"

"That was once," he denied, washing his body. It had been a long time since he had showered so efficiently and quickly. Usually James had done it all. Slowly. And sensual.

Suddenly David had an index finger on his chest that tapped him violently. “If I hadn't been there to help you, Antonio would have raped you the first day, okay? You arrived; everyone has stared at you. I saw you and I thought: shit, the guy looks awesome. Antonio will grab him. And what did he do? Exactly what I had predicted! You were tough, you did well. Still, he could have dragged you along in the middle of the hall. Tucker couldn't have done much either! You would have been dragged into a loo where you would have been pushed down and taken hard in a dark corner.”

David blinked between the drops of water that fell in front of his face. James' head got redder and redder. David’s on the contrary was all the cooler.

“If I hadn't intervened and given Antonio a threatening letter from Candy, you wouldn't have gotten away so easily! Instead, you make a fool of yourself and want to bite his finger off - shit, David! You're such an intelligent man, but there - where was your brain?”

David felt his heart beat faster. James had grown dear to him, but he was simply not entitled to preach to him. And what was that information? A threatening letter? James had his fingers in the game since day 1?

“If my guard hadn't intervened… David, they would have shot you. Do you think you can just bite people’s fingers off while someone is standing next to you with a machine gun? How naive are you?”

David's lid started to twitch. All the conversations, all the strange things ... James hadn't just had his eyes on him. But got involved massively on top of it.

“And that Tucker knows about us, I leave uncommented, right? You haven't named me yet, thanks for that. But that you tell him that your evening shower is so important to you - what do you think, what kind of impression does that leave? That's why I doubt that you didn't tell Dr. Novak anything about us either. Even if you promised so nicely.”

“Are you going to say I'm lying? At the point where you have been spying on me all the time? And basically lied to me as well?” David asked irritably. He knew it was not wise to fuel James in his rage. But as always, he couldn't really guess what would happen next. So he let the one emotion he ever knew run free: anger.

"I never lied to you!" James defended, yelling at David. “I just didn't tell you everything! If you had asked and the truth hadn't put you in danger, I would have told you!”

"How am I supposed to ask for something I don't know exists?" David countered in a raised voice.

"I don't care!" James groaned, walking quickly past David to the locker room. “Anyway, now I have to take care of Hook! Do you know how hard this is?!”

“Nobody asked you to take care of him! Murder isn't always the answer, James!”

“Here it is, for fuck’s sake, David! You are in jail! Not with your colleagues at work, not with friends and not with your family! You're in a jail where men either want to fuck or kill you, why don't you get it?”

Oh, he did get it. After the prison director himself had only sex or crooked business in his head, the message got through.

"And you? What do you want of all these things, huh?” David asked harshly, watching James throw on his bathrobe.

Suddenly his movements froze. Blue eyes stared at David in horror. "Are you really asking me that?" He breathed incredulously and shook his head slightly.

"You still want to fuck me, sure, but then? What if I get bored to you too? Do I end up in a garbage can? You disguise your intentions like everyone else. You better hide it though. You look trustworthy, but the next moment you take the knife out and stab. And I just can't estimate when the switch will change and I'll have a knife in my back at some point."

David knew that was not true. But he also tended to say wrong things when he was upset. He was just a human too after all.

James said nothing. He just stared in David's direction as if he couldn't believe what was being thrown at him.

"You were my absolute highlight because you gave me a stop in this bottomless world," David admitted, feeling his hands start to shake again. His body was more honest than his words. “But you only used me. Who knows what for. Now that your bunny is not jumping the way you want it to ... are you threatening it too? How far would you go? In the end you will also feed me to the sharks. I am not your property.”

"You ungrateful piece of shit," James said suddenly, spat at David's feet. “Rot in that jail, David. Rot and I'll still be able to sell your bones as a dildo for Hook!”

David didn't know what to say. Instead, he watched James’ eyes gleam in the dim light and eyed him in disappointment. Then the first tear flowed down his cheek. Then the second. His lower lip began to tremble.

"See how you cope with this shit yourself," James hissed brokenly, and exited the shower with quick steps. His wet feet made marks on the tiles. David heard the heavy door open and close. Then there was silence. David's heart was still pounding in his chest.

Was that the end of a relationship?

When David was back in Tucker's cell, sitting at the small table while his roommate was still smoking a cigarette near the window, he couldn't help but stare at the white wall. Crying had never been his style, but he felt the pressure behind his eyes very clearly.

He told himself that it was best to end the affair with James. After all, Dr. Novak advised him not to get involved in fatal relationships.

But would James accept this ending?

Would David be able to?