My school is the epitome of cliques, despite the fact that mostly everyone here tries to act and dresses like the popular kids. You've got the skaters, the stoners, the jocks, the girl-jocks, the preps, the Goths, the scene kids, the dorks, the obnoxious smart kids, the loners, the weirdos, the slackers (though those tend to be the same as the skaters and stoners), the God-worshippers, the drama-rats, the band-geeks—basically any clique you can think of; we got it.
Each clique has anywhere from 5-25 kids in it, and what's hilarious is that every single one of them thinks they're special—different. If you asked any one of them who they're like, you'd most likely get a rant about how unique they are and that there's no one else like them, regardless of the fact that the person they're sitting next to is wearing the exact same outfit as them and will tell you the exact same thing. They don't realize that none of them are different. They don't understand that by being in a clique, they all make themselves ordinary. There's pretty much no one in my high school that stands out. So how, you ask, will I go about this?
Easy.
By being completely normal.
I'll create my own niche, one that surprisingly doesn't exist here yet. Everyone's trying so hard to be different with outrageous actions, that it's not outrageous or unusual anymore. By just being myself—who is actually quite average, if a bit sarcastic—I'm breaking free of the stereotypes here and making myself noticeable. And by loudly announcing my sexuality in the hallway will only help me with this since the last time there was an out-ed gay kid in this school was four years ago when I was a freshman.
Of course, he only lasted in the school for three months after coming out because the harassment got too much for him. So, I know that I'm in for a rough ride, but I don't care. If it'll help me get his attention, then I can deal with it. Besides, I'm sick of my life being simple; I want to complicate it—I want a challenge.
And, naturally, Alex has something to say about this.
"What's the matter?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow.
I look away from the balcony window, where I was watching the people below in the courtyard, over to the person who said that. And when I see Alex standing there, with a sincerely concerned expression on his face, I can't help but burst out laughing. His eyes widen and from that expression I can tell that he's honestly scared that I've gone insane. It makes me laugh harder.
"Michael! Seriously, man. What's the matter?"
"Nothing ". I said laughing.
"Nothing? " He asked incredulously with wide eyes.
Then he splutters for a moment, which I find highly amusing. He's always been a bit of a spazz, though he'll deny it if you ask.
"You came to school like this!”
He waves a hand at my clothes, looking appalled.
"And then in the hallway you announce loud enough for everyone to hear that you're…gay."
Alex whispers the word, shooting anxious looks at the people passing. My amusement immediately disappears and I narrow my eyes at him. He doesn't notice, though, and continues on
"So there's something definitely the matter!"
"Are you trying to say there's something wrong with me being gay?"
Alex gives me an unsure look.
"Well...." Alex mumbled.
"Don't finish that sentence, until you've thought really hard about whether or not it'll get you punched in the face."
"Hey! Man, calm down! I got nothing wrong with it, but…" He said holding his hands up defensively.
Alex sends another anxious look at the people around us. I look around too and notice that some are shooting me hostile glares.
So it's begun.
"Great... “I said pursing my lips when a group of stoners walk pass, making rude and suggestive gestures at me
Alex heaves a huge sigh and settles down next to me on the windowsill. I turn to him with a raised eyebrow. There's a weary expression on his face, which confuses me even further to what his problem is.
"What's the matter?"
He shakes his head wretchedly and in slight disbelief. "My life sucks."
Um…
I blink three times at him, very slowly, then I give him a look that I hope conveys how utterly bewildered I am and how I have no clue to what he's talking about. Of course, he doesn't even see it since he's too busy staring dreadfully across the hall at the lockers.
"Care to elaborate?”
"Because, My best friend just decided to go AWOL and now he's going to get his ass kicked every day for it."
"Right. And how does that make your life suck?" I said slowly, nodding my head patronizingly.
He shakes his head, shrugging at the same time, still staring that the lockers like he can see his miserable future in them. I stare at him, wondering how I never noticed that my best friend was crazy before this.
" Mmhh…well, okay then, I think that if anything sucks here, it's your perspective on this situation."
Alex doesn't say anything or make any indication that he's even heard me; he's too enthralled by reading his future in those ugly yellow lockers. I watch him for a minute, my eyebrows raised, thinking that maybe if I do it long enough, he'll look at me, but no-go. Rolling my eyes, I lean back against the window and take to staring at him so intensely that he'll have to notice sooner or later. If he doesn't, then I'll know that he really is crazy, and go fetch the nurse so she can deal with him.
He's got three minutes.
Meanwhile, I think of how, if I hadn't known him since I was seven, I might actually like him. He's good-looking enough; Alex has that kind of face that everyone seems to love and would fall on their knees to worship. Perfect shape, perfect skin, perfect features, and when he smiles, his dimples are even perfect. His personality's okay too, I guess. Though, I've known him too long, and there's probably ten other guys at least with similar personalities. Yeah, Alex's my best friend, and it might seem a little harsh to say this, but he's just too ordinary for me.
I want extraordinary.
Like him.
Finally, Alex stops looking at the lockers. He turns to me and stares, his chocolate brown eyes scrutinizing and searching. I cock an eyebrow at him when confusion takes over his face.
"What?"
"Why?"
Thinking that he's talking about my clothes, I shrug.
"I like these jeans."
"No.. Not why that. Why gay?" He asked shaking his head.
"Alex, do you know how ignorant you just made yourself seem? It's not like I choose to be gay; I just am."
"But there's got to be a reason!"
I shake my head sharply, now glaring at him.
"No. There doesn't."
"But..."
"Alex, believe me. There isn't a reason for it. But, if you need a reason, then blame my homosexuality on girls." I sighed.
"What? Why?" He asked looking and sounding completely confused.
I give him a cheeky grin.
“Because they don't have dicks."
He blanches and I start laughing at his expression. Because I know him and that he's not used to me acting this way, I know it's the bluntness of my comment and not the comment itself that made him do it. It's in that moment that I realize exactly how much fun I'm going to have with this if being myself gets that kind of reaction from my best friend. Imagine everyone else's reactions.
It'll be glorious.
Alex shakes his head, pulling himself out of the slight daze he went into, and gives me a serious look.
"No, really, Michael. Why did you do this?"
“Why did I come out? Or why did I decide to 'AWOL', as you so kindly put it?"
"Both."
I give another sigh.
"Because I'm sick of pretending to be someone I'm not just to fit it, I want to be myself; I don't want to be like everyone else. And is it really that tragic that I've forsaken my place on the social ladder? I wasn't even that popular." I said raising an eyebrow at him.
"You could've been, though! It could've been perfect for you! But, no! You decide to throw it away for what? To be a bit different!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in exasperation.
I look away from him. For some reason, when he sounds this upset about it, I can't help but feel a little bit guilty and wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I know I am, though; I wasn't happy when I had to hide who I am here. I guess it just hurts that my best friend doesn't understand that.
"And you know where it's going to get you? In the dumpster with your ass kicked, and with me right there right along with you!"
"You don't have to be, you know, I’m not asking you to." I said quietly, looking at the floor.
"No, you're not."
But then he sighs and when he starts speaking again, his voice is calmer and gentler.
“But what kind of friend would I be if I abandoned you now?"
I snap my gaze up from the floor, surprised. He gives me a tentative kind of smile once I'm looking at him, and I grin back, feeling relieved. He really doesn't know how much that means to me, and he won't since, if I tell him, that'll just make him feel awkward.
"Thanks."
He shrugs, a sheepish smile on his face, and turns to the side to watch out of the window. Smiling a little still, feeling good, I settle against the wall and take to staring off into space.
But then my attention is caught by him walking down the hallway, looking like a posh Englishman in gray trousers, a white dress shirt, a gray vest and a gray fedora. I follow him with my eyes as he walks by, entranced by just about everything about him, staring greedily after him. And when he turns the corner, a wistful sigh escaped my lips and I yearn for him to walk pass again, along with so many other things.
But as I'm thinking of all of those things, Alex's voice breaks through, effectively and rudely disrupting my thoughts.
“Oh, So that's who I can blame your madness on."
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