(Dovakiin)

Dovakiin looked down sadly at the large tray of cheesecake, now missing a single slice. There was still so much of it.

Well, I’ve got to do something with all this cheesecake, he thought. This was a culinary masterpiece, and I refuse to let it go to waste.

Also, I kind of want to get rid of it before Marion sees it again and decides to be snarky about the whole thing.

He picked up a knife, and went to cut himself a piece. He would just have a small slice… but he paused before cutting, his knife hovering over the surface of the cake. There was still so much left. He went to cut himself a larger piece…

A thought flashed through his mind, of what Percoria would say about him eating so much sugar. He hurriedly selected a smaller piece again.

Hmm, this is getting silly… Dovakiin thought, as he put down the knife. But then the old dragonborn’s expression brightened. He knew some people who would appreciate his cooking skills! The rest of the adventurers! Dovakiin scooped up the cheesecake, and went to go find the others.

***

“Hey Solstice, would you like some cheesecake?”

Solstice was in the dining hall, looting through one of the cupboards. She glanced up disdainfully from what she was doing, then returned to her task, simply scowling. She yanked out tankards and plates, dropping them onto the floor behind her. Dovakiin was glad that they were silver, or else he suspected she might have broken them.

Dovakiin persevered. “It’s very delicious, you see, but I seem to have made too much, and I thought that you might like some.”

She spun towards him. “Doesn’t it bother you?!”

“What? The cheesecake?”

She raked a hand through her scalp in frustration. “No! All of this! Being hired to kill monsters!”

“Uh… noooo…” Dovakiin thought for a moment. He thought about that inner voice that urged him on. The rush. “I mean, it’s what adventurers do, y’know? We kill evil monsters.”

“But who is he to dictate whether a monster is evil or not?!”

“I mean, I suspect it's because they, y'know, kill people and stuff.”

She looked at him angrily. “I wouldn’t expect one of your kind to understand.”

Dovakiin tensed. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Forget it. If you’re blind, it’s not my job to help you see.”

Dovakiin paused.

“You know,” he said carefully. “I don’t think I’m going to share with you any of my cheesecake.”

Solstice simply scowled, and returned to her rummaging.

***

He found Bran in the corridor, slowly making his way towards the kitchens.

“Hey Bran, would you-”

“Shh! Shhh Shhhhhhh. Quiet, please.”

Dovakiin paused. He hadn’t been speaking particularly loudly. But Bran was wincing like he’d just shouted. The human seemed tired, too, like he’d only just woken up. His voice was a hoarse whisper.

Ah.

“I might be a little bit hung over,” Bran explained carefully. “But I only had one or… Oh Virtues, how many did I have?” His eyes widened in horror as he started to remember.

Dovakiin decided to be accommodating. “Er, don’t worry about it. Would you like some cheesecake?”

“S’m what?” Bran was a picture of groggy confusion.

“Some… cheesecake?” Dovakiin held out a slice of cheesecake, the smell of it wafting under Bran’s nose.

Bran smelled the cheesecake. His stomach rebelled.

Dovakiin found himself in need of all of his monk training in the art of dodging.

It was a bad morning.

***

“Hey, Fleddy-… Flednemen-.. Fled!” Dovakiin said, wiping the remaining water from off his hands from when he’d washed them. “Would you like some cheesecake?”

The blue giant was outside, caring for his wolf. He looked up from his task of grooming her fur. “Ooh, of course! Thank you very much!”

Dovakiin smiled, giving a fresh slice to Fledinem. Here’s someone who appreciates cooking!

Fledinem reached into his pack, and started rummaging. “And I know just what will go with it…”

“…Go with it?”

Fledinem’s fist came out of the bag, wrapped around something. His eyes flashed with pride. “Cheese goes with ham!”

Dovakiin’s smile faltered. “No, that’s the wrong-”

The giant took the ham, and squelched it firmly into the slice of cheesecake. “And crackers!”

“See, it’s not that kind of cheese-..”

Squelch!

“And raspberries!”

“Please stop..”

Squelch!

“And turnip!”

“Oh, come on! That one doesn’t even-”

Squelch!

Dovakiin fled, unable to witness the horror any longer.

***

Dovakiin slumped down to the floor of the kitchen. His breathing started calming. He’d managed to get away with the remaining cheesecake. That monster.

He thought to himself that, probably, this was about as good as he could expect. Marion, Solstice, Bran and Fled. Those were all the ones he’d wanted to share with. He honestly wasn’t sure why he bothered, this group had no cohesion! No taste! That Alex Hawke had been the best of the bunch, and he’d left.

Ah well. At least they’re not as bad as…

“Ooh, hee hee, is that cheesecake?”

Dovakiin flinched. He literally flinched.

He then spun round, grabbing the cheesecake tray, and holding it close to him defensively.

Helga had arrived in the kitchen, and was grinning at him wickedly.

“I think I want some. Give it to me.”

Dovakiin instinctively found himself resisting giving any cheesecake to this girl. She had just come in here, demanding. Why, back in his day…

Helga seemed to note his inner reluctance. She grinned wider.

“No? Well, that’s ok.” She turned to leave, but paused when she reached the doorway. Dovakiin continued clutching the tray.

“After all,” she said, “it was just a suggestion…”

***

…suggestion SUGGESTION SUGGESTION suggestion suggestion SUGGESTION suggestion…

***

Dovakiin blinked. He looked down at his tray of cheesecake. It was now empty.

“I hate this team,” he said.