Jax

A mate is security; they are a warm hug when it's cold, a net to fall into when you fall. They provide you with everything you need emotionally, mentally and physically and protect you from the world's external factors. To them, nothing is too much when it comes to the one they are bound to. 

And that can become dangerous. 

As I push the fogginess from my mind, I feel a flutter within my stomach. Its warm and inviting, a sensation that I hadn't felt in a long time; safe. I blink my eyes and adjust my head; something beneath my head adjusts itself, and I frown. Where was I, and how had I fallen asleep? I push onto my back and freeze at the sight of Knox. 

Facing upward as he reads over a set of papers, I can honestly say that no angle makes him look ugly. Staring at him now, his angular jawline is clenched in concentration as he pouts. I notice the fashionable round glasses perched on his nose and swallow; when had he gotten them, and why didn't he wear them constantly? Whilst his right hand holds documents, his left-hand rubs soft circles into my stomach, making me shiver against him. He looks down at me, and I swear his smile almost kills me. His golden eyes sparkle, and his features become softer as he leans over and settles his papers onto the coffee table.

"You should have told me you were awake; how are you feeling?"

My throat throbs as I swallow; it is like I have shards of glass piercing my throat. I shimmy uncomfortably and turn my head, so my nose brushes the front of Knox's shirt; I inhale and sigh.

"I'm tired but better - I think."

He nods,

"Can you remember much of what happened?"

I close my eyes; I want to forget, not remember. My chest spasms, and I settle my hand over it, breathing in Knox's scent again.

"I remember, but I don't want to."

Fingers dance across my forehead, pushing back strands of hair as Knox nods in understanding. Was I being unfair to him? After everything he has done, should I share something about my past?

"Was it Mr Quinn that set you off? Can you at least tell me that much?"

I press my face into his stomach and groan. I need to tell him; I could only imagine how irritating it must be to have someone you care for hold back information. 

"For my entire life, it's only ever been Esai. We grew up together, always at each other's sides. We were brothers, best friends and then lovers. He was my Alpha, my everything, until the moment everything came crashing down. He was the reason I ran away."

"Were you surprised to see him?"

I nod,

"Of course, he's the son of the top underworld leader in history; his bloodline is the strongest out of all the underworlds families. I am surprised his Father allowed him to leave S-District."

Knox tenses beneath me, and I glance up at him with a frown,

"Are you ok?"

He bites his lip and then looks down with a frown. 

"I suppose you haven't heard the news?"

He raises a brow and groans as I shake my head; what news could make Knox act in such a way? I push myself up and kneel beside him, my head cocked in curiosity. I notice his eyes flicker slightly, and the golden hue darkens as he drags a hand through his hair. 

"Esai would never have been allowed out of S-District if it wasn't for what he did."

Knox clamps his hands together; what could he have done? I feel my stomach tighten, the butterfly from earlier, not a hoard of birds fighting to escape a locked cage. 

"Esai made himself head of the Quinn Family by killing his Father; that is how he's been allowed from S-District. He now leads all Business within the Underworlds connected to S-District."

My mouth falls open, and I frown; Father could not be dead; he was the most lethal man alive - Esai would never do something so stupid. I shake my head and laugh. 

"That is not possible; you shouldn't lie, Knox, I may hate his guts, but that's disgraceful to the Quinn name."

Knox smiles at me sympathetically and switches on the television across the room. The giant screen flares to life and headlines flutter past in bold lettering. 

'Breaking News: Quinn Head Killed By Son In Power Play.'

Images of a bloodied and mutilated body pop up on the screen, the photos a horrifying sight. My stomach churns at the sight of my Foster father's face frozen stiff in pain; his final moments, and I wasn't there.

I feel my hands clench in my lap; despite everything Esai's done, I had not left behind Father. From him, I had gotten nothing but love and respect; he gave me a home and a life that I could never have paid back. 

"I wish it was a lie, but it was the reason I was supposed to meet with him today. Now that he is head, all of the original business plans and proposals that my family have with the Quinn family need to be updated. It's all a mess if you ask me."

Knox leans his head back and sighs, 

"He's also making rounds on his Fathers former business partners so he can introduce himself."

 "Why would your family have business with an underworld gang?"

I raise a brow, curious about the answer; Knox wasn't doing anything illegal, was he?

"It is a history that goes back for generations. My family was once at war with the Quinns as they kept stopping and stealing our shipment of pharmaceutical drugs and selling them for their own profit. Finally, my great-great-Grandfather had enough and met with the head of the Quinn family. The deal for trade was made over months of negotiations and has never been broken since."

"It's not illegal, is it?"

Knox laughs,

"Of course not; what we do is strictly legal. Whatever the Quinns do with what we sell them is up to them, but my Business isn't connected to that, which is clear in the contracts."

I nod and turn to place my feet flat on the ground; how could Knox be connected to them? It almost feels like fate that we met. 

I reflect on my life and the brutal images on the television screen. Father. I feel tears form and quickly wipe at them. He had allowed me to flee and even offered me aid, yet I refused him; I wanted to grow on my own. He promised to protect me from Esai - does that mean I'm the reason my Father was dead?

Was I the reason his son had turned against him in such a brutal display? I sob, my fists clenching in my lap. I had always known that Esai cared for no one but himself; I had known that yet still blinded myself to the reality. I stuck by his toxic personality, put up with him, and ran away without taking responsibility for my actions. Esai killed the one person he knew I loved, the man who created and loved him.

It made me feel sick.

"I'm going to throw up."

I push myself from the sofa and run through the door that leads to the small hallway. Taking the right side door, I enter the downstairs bathroom and fall to my knees in front of the toilet. 

I'm sorry, Father.

I heave the contents of my stomach into the toilet, sobbing loudly as I cry. How could I have ever loved that man? How could I have given him my heart? I choke on my tears and heave again as the vile taste sticks at the back of my throat. How had he changed so much over the years?

Goosebumps appear up my spine, causing me to shiver as a large, warm hand settles on my back and slowly begins to rub up and down. I cry harder and lean back against Knox's hand - why couldn't I have met him soon? Why hadn't our bond snapped into place? My mind was an endless flurry of Why's and What ifs, as I choked on my gasped breaths. 

"He killed the only Father I've known."

An emptiness inside me had opened up; no matter what, it could never be filled. Father was gone, and it hurt so much that I wanted to scream.

"I'm here - cry as much as you want; I won't leave you."

I turn on Knox, chest heaving as I press my hands to his knees and push. He doesn't budge as I bow my head and sob. I didn't deserve him or his kindness. 

"Why are you so kind to me when I am nothing but trouble to you?"

My throat sounds raw as I croak my words; I can barely recognise my own voice. I glance up at Knox through tear-stained eyes and watch him smile at me softly. He lifts his hand and settles it against my cheek, cupping it lovingly as I close my eyes and lean into his touch.

"You don't trouble me, Jax; I hope you will see that one day!"