Now, as you may already have figured, neither the drop nor the following swim did kill me. Otherwise, I would hardly be able to write these lines. So I’m going to cut this short, especially since the details of how the heck I managed to get back out of there escape me. I only remember, that it involved a whole lot of stumbling, feeling around the unforgiving rock walls and cursing in the darkness, but somehow I eventually managed to catch a slight draft of fresh air, which guided me back towards the sun. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see that big ol’ ball of fire in the evening sky ever before or since.

Of course I lost whatever was not tied to my person in the process, which was basically just my clothes and my sword, but beggars can’t be choosers.

I remember grumbling something along the lines of “‘Just follow that road,’ they said. It’ll take you to the next town in two days max,’ they said. My ass!”

I remember so clearly, because shouting that right then and there was one of the many, many mistakes I would end up regretting right away, as the shouting attracted the attention of a not very friendly looking monstrosity with dense fur, easily twice my height and not exactly short either. He snorted at me and the only thing that came to mind was to smile at the beast and ask him, how nice the weather was.
The beast lowered its head to face me and unleashed a roar that caused me to skid back a good half a meter without my feet moving at all. But boy did my feet move right after it stopped roaring and started trying to hit me. I think I must have set a new world record in 500 meter dash that day. Fearing for your life will do that to you.

Now, you may wonder, ‘Why did you not engage it? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to?’
If so, allow me to ask...assume you were wandering the woods with your trusty axe. You are not an experienced hunter and you have not brought a rifle. All of a sudden, there’s a 2 meter Grizzly bear standing in front of you. Would you ‘engage it’? Or would you drop everything and book it? Exactly.

The good thing about running like a headless chicken is, that you spend much less time worrying about where exactly you are going and as luck would have it, I spotted a carriage passing on a far away road. Another mad dash later, I found myself on top of the carriage, the guards that were walking alongside the carriage partially scattered and the rest of the bunch pointing their weapons at me. I only noticed all that after making absolutely sure that the beast was, in fact, no longer coming after me. As a matter of fact, I’m not even sure if it gave chase after me in the first place.

After taking in the new predicament I had managed to maneuver into, I looked at the angry faces beneath and when the silence got too much to bear, I uttered, once again, “Um, hi. Nice weather we’re having, don’t you think?”

“Get down from there immediately and explain yourself!” the apparent chief of the bunch proclaimed. Apparent not only because he was the first to speak, but also because his fancy helmet just screamed ‘head-honcho’.
So, in order to not provoke any more trouble, I climbed down. Up to today, I have no idea, how in the world I managed to get up there this fast in the first place, but, as I said, that’s what ‘running for your life’ does to you.

Now, that I was a little less panicky, I straightened up and explained what I had encountered and that I was merely acting on instincts I never knew I had. In short, that I meant no harm.

“A giant beast, easily 3-4 meters tall and out for blood? Here? And you run into our convoy by mere chance? A likely story,” the head of the guardsmen scoffed.
“But it’s the truth! I swear!” I proclaimed, but of course it was pointless. The guards had already made their decision on what to do with me. They disarmed me (not like there was all that much ‘disarming’ to do) and I was tied up to trot after the carriage in their formation. Though on the upside, at least I got to the next town that way.

Upon hitting the next town, I was incarcerated to see the local judge the next morning, who was supposed to decide what to do with me. But at least I had water and some food to tide me over. At least, until the next morning came.
How’d ol’ Monty phrase it? ‘Always look on the bright side of life.’
I actually sang that song during that night, even if only to not lose it entirely. By the end of the night, the entire cell block was singing along, which is kinda funny, considering how a lot of the other patrons looked even worse off than me. But then again, that’s kinda the point of the song, isn’t it? You start out with nothing and you end up with nothing. So what have you lost? Nothing!
It’s easy to get frustrated and worked up over things you cannot control, but at the same time, it’s much easier to swallow the bitter pill that is life, if you do so with a desperate smile on your face.

Fake it till you make it. Even if only to annoy the guy trying to break you.