Chapter 9
-Wesley-
I’m actually going to die of embarrassment. I can’t believe that I had a nightmare and clung to Kirrill afterwards. That’s just beyond awkward. I know why I had the memories come back: Kirrill’s violent outburst from the morning. Whenever I encounter violence which is directed towards me, I end up having flashbacks of some sort.
How strange that the one who inadvertently caused the nightmares was also the one to support me through them.
Kirrill doesn’t seem to even mind too much about the whole nightmare fiasco; he smiles at me like he did last night, he eats breakfast with my family and I, making conversation and joining in where he can.
Afterwards, I practically drag him out of the house. Today is my day off, so I intend to enjoy it to the fullest, especially because I have Kirrill by my side. And I really think that perhaps, we could be friends.
I’d like that.
“Woah, where are we even going?!” Kirrill exclaims, adjusting his seatbelt to be more comfortable as I start the engine. Grinning, I glance over at him briefly before pulling out of my parking space. “Have you ever been to an AirHop?” I ask, unable to keep the smile off my face. I love the shit out of those places.
Even out of my peripheral vision I can see the confused look on Kirrill’s face, telling me all I need to know. He clears his throat awkwardly, raising an eyebrow as he turns to look at me. “No? Why do you look so happy about that?”
Beaming, I sneak a quick look at him before glueing my eyes back to the road in front of me. “I’m excited because I’m absolutely taking us to the closest one, it’s literally like an hour’s drive away and that’s it, it’s so worth the time. It’s literally the best thing you’ll ever experience, trust me.”
Laughing breathlessly, Kirrill opens the window on his side, closing his eyes and letting the fresh air billow across his face. He closes the window a moment after, because we enter a dual carriageway and the road noise gets too loud for us.
I wish he’d been able to keep the window open.
Kirrill looked so at peace.
“How are you feeling about Kat?” I blurt out. Kirrill’s good mood instantly sours and although he wasn’t actually saying anything before, now it feels like an uncomfortable quietness when he doesn’t reply.
Chewing on my lips in frustration at myself, I wait to see if Kirrill will answer or not. He absolutely doesn’t have to, but something tells me that he will anyway.
“No matter what she does, no matter how she hurts me,” Kirrill begins slowly, his voice quiet and soft. “In the end, she’s still my sister. I will always lov- she will always be important to me.”
Oh.
I see.
Kirrill loves Ekaterina.
That makes this so much more painful for him, I’m sure. She is a lesbian with a girlfriend; he already knows that he can’t have her. But every time she hurts him like this…
That’s got to sting really badly.
Clearing my throat, I focus on the road in front of me, and not the disappointment coursing through my heart. I don’t have a crush on Kirrill; I hardly know the guy and I’m still wary because of how he sent me into a panic attack before, but I know that I really like spending time with him, that I really want to be friends with him.
I know that if we hang out a lot, I’ll probably end up with romantic feelings for him.
So I know that I’m disappointed, finding out that his heart already belongs to another. Not like I hadn’t expected it; I had totally assumed that he probably had a girlfriend or something, but still.
Kat will always be the most important person to Kirrill, and that is just the way things are.
—————
-Kirrill-
Shit. I almost said to Wesley that I- that I love Ekaterina. I’ve only ever said that I love anyone to one person before, and that was my dad, before he left me too. After that, I was scared of telling people. What if they leave me again? What if those words push them away?
So I’ve never told Kat that I love her.
But I guess that that’s the truth. I do love her, as much as I hate her too. I guess that’s just part of being a family though. And as twisted as this ‘family’ is, she and the Boss are all I had for a very long time.
And now it’s just me.
The slight sting of my burns brings me out of my thoughts, but I don’t even react to the pain, instead just letting it wash over me, not allowing myself to concentrate on it for even a moment. That was my technique for when I got my daisy chain tattoos too. I had them done on the same day, and fuck the second one was so much worse than the first.
The adrenaline had already run out by then, and one hand had already become somewhat numb to the pain thanks to endorphins plus the anaesthetic used to dull the worst of it, but by the time the second one was started…fuck me, that hurt like hell.
Worth it though.
I didn’t want to see the scars every time I looked at my hands.
Now, I get to watch the way the flowers dance in the light, the way they curve around my hands, beautiful and delicate.
I really love them.
Leaning back in my seat, I watch the scenery whoosh past me as Wesley and I speed along, on our way to wherever it is that he’s taking us. After a long while of awkward silence, I turn to him, an idea occurring in my brain.
“Want to play red car blue car?”
Wesley raises his eyebrow slightly, an amused look appearing on his face. “I mean, sure? Just to check though, you do use the normal rules, right?”
Frowning slightly, I shake my head. “I doubt it, I mean I came up with this game, so there aren’t any normal rules.”
A bright laugh zips from his lips accompanied by a snort. “Ok sure; what are your rules then?”
Grinning, I start inspecting all the cars around us. “Well, you get to pick either blue or red cars, and I’ll have the other. Then we count every time we see a car of our colour, and the person who has the most at the end of the trip wins.”
Wesley laughs again, his eyes never leaving the road. “Aren’t I at a disadvantage though? I have to actually drive whilst you can just…look.”
“Yes, that’s why you get to pick first. You can pick whichever colour you think will appear the most, based on those around us currently,” I explain, already doing recon with my eyes and seeing that as per usual, silver is the most predominant colour among cars here.
“I pick red then,” Wesley proclaims, staring at the red car right in front of us. Letting out a laugh, I spot a blue car on the other side of the dual carriageway, driving in the opposite direction to us. “Then I’ll have blue. Sucks to be you I guess, you can’t look at the other side of the road,” I say with a smirk.
“You’re a real bugger aren’t you,” Wesley mumbles beneath his breath, causing some unexpected laughter to bubble from my throat, “and don’t you love it.”
Wesley falls silent, but for once it isn’t uncomfortable. Instead, we merely count out loud when each of us spots a car of our colour. “That’s another one for me,” Wesley proclaims, a cheeky grin on his face.
“Uh-huh, sure I believe that,” I reply sarcastically, curious about how he’s going to get away with this particular fantasy red car he’s come up with.
“Yeah, I can’t believe you didn’t see it. Just meandering along in the sky; some people mistakingly thought it was a UFO, actually. Twitoids, the lot of them,” he explains pompously, his grin getting bigger.
“Oh really now? A UFO, you say. How curious; I heard that they’re all blue, actually.”
Wesley scowls at me, tapping his fingertips along the top of the steering wheel. “Oi don’t steal what’s mine, I own all the flying UFO-cars so there. Ha. Sucks to be you, I made them all red.”
I burst out laughing.
Wesley’s expressions are just so funny to me, combined with the voice he puts on when pretending to be a UFO manufacturer, is just too funny to me. Wesley soon joins me in laughing, the sound warm and bright as he shakes slightly in his seat from the force of trying to contain his laughter.
I’m hardly a sad guy; it’s not like I never smile or never laugh. I do, rather a lot actually. But being with Wesley makes it feel like I’m really laughing, like I’m really smiling, with everything that I have.
He makes it easy to smile and laugh.
As cheesy and ridiculous as it is…I think of the one thing my dad used to tell me, before he left.
‘You make my soul smile.’
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