She jerks away quickly, so harshly that she falls on her butt on the floor. But not before our lips met and for just a fraction of a moment, I felt her kiss me too. My chest feels tight with anxiety, but the good kind of anxiety, like when your crush talks to you for the first time.
My heart feels like it could rip right out of my chest from how hard it's beating.
"Sorry," I mutter.
"No I'm sorry," she quickly stands up.
I do too and move to go to my room.
"No, wait," she grabs my arm.
I turn to face her.
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but we shouldn't do that. Things... things are already confusing between us as it is. I just... we shouldn't."
I grab her face and I kiss her again.
I can feel it when her breath gets caught in her throat. She's hesitant at first but then she kisses me back full force, passionately, wrapping her arms tightly around me. And god does it feel good to be touched like that, to kiss someone again, to be loved.
I push her back against the couch and she has to steady herself, in doing so the tv turns on because she accidentally pressed against the remote.
I ignore it at first until I hear,
"Melony if you're out there right now."
I pull back to look, she does the same.
"Don't ever stop fighting, we will find you. We will never stop looking. The pandemic won't stop us." Lesly says.
Dakota quickly turns it off.
I try to kiss her again but she pulls away.
"It's okay," I say.
She pulls all the way away from me.
"Dakota," I try.
"We can't." she turns away from me.
"Well, why not?"
"We can't!" she shouts.
I flinch.
"Who's going to know!?" I challenge.
She grabs me by my arms and roughly drags me upstairs to my room.
"Dakota stop! No! Dakota!"
She shoves me inside.
"No!" I bang on the door as she slams it in my face.
I hear the lock latch into place.
"Dakota!" I cry.
"We can't," she whispers.
"Dakota! Don't leave me in here! I'm sorry! Dakota! Don't leave me! You know I get lonely. Dakota come back!" I beg.
But I know she's already gone.
I slide down the door and sob.
"Coward!" I bang on the door.
I hear her turn the music up louder so she can drown me out. I pull my knees to my chest and cry.
I'm shaking.
I know it's wrong of me, but I want that girl so badly I'm shaking. I want her to touch me. I want her to kiss me. I want her to hold me. I want her so bad it hurts. And having had a taste of it, but not being able to get it all feels like the worst punishment anyone could put upon me.
I just feel so frustrated.
I need it.
I need someone to touch me again. To love me again. To want me again.
I get up and crawl onto the cold bed, the bed I haven't even slept in for two whole weeks. The room I hardly ever go into now. The prison I thought I had escaped. Here it is, it was waiting for me the whole time. It knew I'd be back here.
I go to my corner and I cry.
I feel like Cinderella after her evil stepmother locked her away from the prince. Trapped, helpless, frustrated. All too quickly I am reminded of what my role is here. I'm not her friend. I'm not her roommate. I'm nothing to her but her prisoner, she is my capture. She is a killer. I am a witness to her crime.
That is all we are to each other.
All we can be.
I've never wanted to escape more. I want to get out of here, away from her, from this place where hopes and dreams go to die.
I get up and run over to the window, yanking on the cage with all my might.
I pulled and I yanked but it was solid.
Which only added to my anger.
"Let me out!" I cry.
The music turns up louder.
I feel like a caged animal, a tiger, or a bear, frothing at the mouth, ready to make my escape.
I grab the fake candles and I throw them at the door, breaking them. Then I just start losing my mind, throwing everything I can see. Knocking it all over. Destroying what she made for me.
I go in the closet and I dump it all out.
Fuck the world.
Then I see it, Carolina's drawings. I kneel down and carefully pick them up, I don't want to mess them up. It's enough to finally calm me down from my frantic state. But the damage is done, the room is trashed.
I set the drawings back in the bin and close it up
My hands are shaking so badly it takes two tries.
After that, I crawl back onto the bed and curl up into a ball and close my eyes.
After two hours the music stops.
She doesn't come to check on me for the rest of the day.
It's not until very late at night that I see her again. She tries to sneak into my room, but I can't sleep. Not like this, not in here. She has to force her way in past the fallen mini-fridge. She sighs when she sees my room.
"I'm sorry," I say in a hoarse voice without turning to look at her.
She turns the lights on and starts cleaning.
She picks it all up, piece by piece until it's all clean and neat again.
She crawls onto the bed to look at me, but I can't meet her eyes. I feel so lost and hollow inside. She runs her fingers through my hair a couple of times before wiping my tears.
"Come on," she helps me up.
"No," I pull away.
"Come on." she pulls me towards the bathroom.
She undresses me and helps me in the tub where I just sit and let her wash my hair, the water runs a little grey due to the hair dye. She's sure to go slow and wash it all out, scrubbing my scalp thoroughly.
Then she helps me out of the water and helps me get dressed before wiping off the silent tears that keep falling down my face. I brush my teeth and wash up one last time before going back to the room to lay down.
She tucks me in and moves to leave.
"Stay with me," I beg, grabbing her hand.
She looks at me.
"Don't leave me," I beg.
Her eyes water and she nods before climbing into bed with me.
She wraps her arms around me and I snuggle into her.
"I'm sorry," she says.
I stay silent.
"Please don't hate me again." She pleads.
"I feel nothing now," I say.
"What do you mean?" she asks.
"You have killed what's left of me, I am hollow. I am nothing." I whisper.
"Don't say that."
"I don't even know what's what anymore," I whisper.
"And I do?"
I move to look her in the face.
"I'm just as confused as you are." She goes on.
I push some hair behind her ear.
"I don't know what's what either." She whispers.
"What about this is so confusing?" I ask.
"Everything. You, me, where we stand, what we are supposed to be to each other. How I am supposed to treat you. How you are supposed to see me."
"How am I supposed to see you?"
"You are supposed to be scared of me."
"There's nothing scary about you."
"You are supposed to be my captive." She says.
"I am your captive, in more ways than one."
"What does that mean?"
"What do you think it means?"
She's silent for a moment.
"I said I wanted my death to be quick, but this is slow torture." I move to once again bury my head into her chest.
"Stop saying that," she pushes me away.
I stare at her.
"Stop saying death, and stuff like that. I'm not going to kill you."
"Then what are you going to do with me?" I challenge.
She stares at me, and I stare at her.
She gets on top of me, hovering over me. I stare up at her, her hair falls to the side of her face.
"Do it," I whisper. "End me."
She grabs me and she kisses me.
I melt into her, wrapping my arms tightly around her. Her kisses are rough, passionate, crazed. They come from a beast, a savage beast who has been hungering for this very moment for some time. She's untamed, raw, wild. She knows exactly what she wants, knows she can't have it, but that doesn't stop her from taking it.
Taking me.
She rips open my pajama top, buttons flying every which way.
I close my eyes and moan loudly as her hands grasp my breast.
"More," I cry out. I want, "More!"
She pulls my pants down along with my panties, spreading my legs open wide.
"Touch me," I beg.
She flings her own clothes off, kissing her way down my neck to my chest. Her hands squeezing my thighs.
"Oh Dakota, touch me more." I moan.
She picks me up and sets me on her lap, I smash our lips together. Her hands dig into my back, pulling me as close as possible.
"Melony," she moans my name as we break our kiss and she pulls my head closer to her neck.
I bite down on the skin, she moans loudly.
I knew she'd like that.
One of her hands finds my stab scar and her whole body locks up as she's reminded once again what we are to each other. I pull back and kiss her again, then I grab her hand away from my arm and move it between us, somewhere lower.
"We shouldn't be doing this," she slips her hand between my legs.
"Don't stop," I moan.
"This is wrong," her fingers find their way inside me.
I cry out loudly.
"I shouldn't..."
I bounce up and down on her hand, begging her for more.
She lays me down on the bed and gives me everything she's got. I get off twice before she's done. For a moment I just lay there, catching my breath. Sweat glistening all over my body. The smell of sex in the air.
She lays next to me, exhausted from all her hard work.
Then I roll on top of her.
"You're not done," I whisper against her lips.
She eyes me.
"Now it's my turn."
I interlock our legs and go to town, she moans loudly and grabs my hips.
The bed rocks back and forth, the pillows fall on the floor.
And her face.
God her face.
What a sight to see. She's fucking beautiful when she's screaming in pleasure, all her muscles tight and her body arching off the bed. The way her chest bounces when she moves or moans. I could stare all damn day.
But what I like most is the sounds she makes. How her voice becomes choppy when she's close. How her moans originate from small little squeaks. She's finally coming to life, I can see her true colors. See the real Dakota. And she's fucking gorgeous.
"AH! S-shit!" she digs her nails into my skin, drawing blood as she climaxes.
I moan loudly.
Her moans turn to cries, her body shakes in whimpers as she recovers. I move and lay next to her, she pulls me into her embrace. I can feel her still trembling against me. Slowly her breathing evens out and I know she's fallen asleep.
It does occur to me at that moment, that this is another opportunity to escape. But instead of taking it, I snuggle up closer to her.
That's when I see her.
Antonia Hernandez, at the foot of my bed. Her ghost, staring at me, covered in blood, her neck sliced wide open.
But I don't want to look at her, so I close my eyes and pretend I didn't see anything at all.
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