11//Mingan- May 4, 1843, Kansas

Shivering from the cold, Julian held his head protectively as if someone was going to hurt him, I came closer to him, 

“Are you okay?” I spoke as softly and gently as possible, he shook his head so I took his hand. Julian didn’t let go. Carefully, Julian melted into my arms; I held him in a tight embrace and stroked his soft, blond hair. 

“I’m here,” I whispered.

“I know,” he whimpered, after a few moments of us sitting, I decided to lie down and let him fall asleep. Delicately, I placed my hands on his waist and hugged him while placing him down on the blankets. Julian adjusted himself on my chest, putting his left hand on my right pec and his ear on my left. 

“I’ve never had a best friend… only Lyds… and she’s amazing don’t get me wrong… but it’s nice having someone of the same sex as a friend,” Julian uttered into the darkness. I didn’t think best friends cuddled like this, but I liked it.  

“I’ve never had a best friend either, Huritt and I haven’t much in common,” I buried my fingers in Julian’s soft curls, I could smell his hair from where I was lying and it smelled lovely even though none of us had washed our hair in a while. 

I awoke to the sound of sobbing, but I didn’t open my eyes but felt Julian missing from my arms. My eyes fluttering open, I noticed Lydia holding Julian, who was in tears. 

“Julian… what’s wrong?” I inquired, pained from seeing the boy in someone else’s arms, even if those were Lydia’s. 

She’s his sister, I told myself. He stared at me for a moment, biting his quivering lip before standing up and getting out of the wagon. I had no idea what was happening but I wished I knew, I wished I could do something, anything. After Lydia reached over to leave the wagon, I tried to follow but she firmly slapped her hand on my bare chest; I was numb from the cold, though.

“I’ve got this. You can’t help him, you don’t know how. I’m pretty sure it’s your fault too,” She spat at me, I suddenly felt her deep rage and hatred towards me- I couldn’t bear it, I was never one to be hated by someone. She couldn’t hate me, not now. Not when we had to travel together for months. 

“What… What did I do?” I asked, helplessly, my voice broken from the tears I was trying to hide. Her irises burned with fury and she scoffed, looking down at me. I hopped from the wagon, folding my arms to preserve heat. I looked at Jules with my eyebrows furrowed; I wanted to do something to help. Lydia brought her hand up and pointed away towards the creek. 

“Go. Get away,” her tone cold, harsh and irate. 

I wished to stay, I wished to comfort him, I wished to be there. But I didn’t want to cry, turning away so that she didn’t see my glassy eyes fill with tears. I started walking towards the creek and then broke into a run, running away from everything those people wanted from me. Who was Lydia? His sister, but he was doing okay with me! Why did she have to come and ruin everything? We were okay. I didn’t know why he wasn’t okay but he wasn’t and I was the one there. I wanted to be the one there. But I’d seen a whole new side of Lydia just then. Harsh and protective of the people she loved. 

I’m pretty sure it’s your fault too, her words resonated in my head. Now I’m the bad guy, and I don’t know why. 

I was sprinting at this point, not noticing a stone under my foot and tripped, falling onto my arm. I burst into tears. Barely able to breathe, I held my arm and choked on my tears. I cried for fifteen minutes and wasn’t able to get up. I finally managed to control my tears, I got up, in pain. I dragged my feet back to the wagons, but ended up on the opposite side of where everyone I knew was, so I decided to ask for help in the nearest one. I knocked on the wheel with my left hand. 

“Yes? What’s wrong? What happened?” There was a young lady that peered through at me, it was Delores, Scotty’s sister. “Oh, Mingan, hello, what happened?”

“I-I was running- well there was a stone- that doesn’t matter- I f-fell and hurt my- my arm,” I stumbled on my words, Delores brought her feet to the end of the wagon and stepped down, she was the same height as me. 

“Let’s have a look, I’m training to be a nurse, you’ll be my first test subject,” she chuckled, taking my arm and inspecting it. “Does this hurt?” she pressed on my wrist, I winced and nodded, “higher?” she moved further up my arm, I shook my head, “it’s your wrist, I don’t think it’s broken but sprains can be a real bummer, I’ll get you a bandage, sweetie,” she told me and reached into her wagon and pulled out a small bandage roll. She tightly wrapped my wrist in the bandage, like a professional. 

“You really are a nurse,” I told Delores and she chuckled,

“I’m training but thank you very much,” she told me, “that’s all done for you, I think you better stay with me, my little sister ran off to sleep with ma and pa so we have the wagon all to ourselves,” 

“Oh, thank you so much,” I thanked her, because God knows what I would have done if I had to go back to Julian and Lydia. As much as I wanted to help Jules, I couldn’t. Not with Lydia there. He would always probably go to her over me. Like she’d said, she knew how to help him and I didn’t.