18//Lydia- May 31, 1843,  Colorado 

“I’m so happy you didn’t die,” Rose said, holding me to her side. I rested my soaked head on her now clothed shoulder and she kissed the top of my head. I smiled and scratched behind Scout’s big English mastiff ears. Scout was a good boy, he favored Jules above all people, and Jules favored him the most in return. 

Suddenly, Mingan came up to us, still shirtless.I raised my eyebrow at him and Scout stood up and trotted in the direction he’d come. 

“Jules is panicking again, he said something about ‘not wanting to be like him’. He thought he was going to hurt me,” he said so fast he stumbled over some of the words. 

“Okay, Rose um, you can come if you want, but it doesn't matter,” I told her as Mingan and I started walking briskly back towards where Jules was. She followed slowly, her ankle still hurting a little. Mingan went and knelt behind a large boulder, a small, broken “No!” coming from the other side. 

“Jules, let me help,” I heard Mingan begging. I heard Julian hysterically crying, and Mingan trying to comfort him. 

“Will you at least let me help you put your trousers on? I got Lydia, but I bet she doesn't want to see you naked,” he said to Jules. The whimpering stopped for a moment before turning into occasional sobs and hiccups. 

“Okay, he’s decent!” Mingan shouted. I swiftly walked around the boulder and saw Jules thrashing in Mingans arms. 

“Juilan!” I yelled. He stopped for a moment before continuing to scratch at Mingan’s hands, trying to undo his grip while sobbing violently but quietly. I went forward and hugged Jules from behind, so now he was surrounded on both sides. 

“No!” he yelled, trying to wiggle out of mine and Mingan’s arms. 

“Jules calm down, you aren’t like him, you won’t ever be. You’re not a bad person,” I said softly but firmly. I kept repeating this until he went limp in our arms, resting his head on Mingan’s chest. I stepped back, taking my arms from around him and helping Mingan lay him down using his shirt as a pillow. Scout lied next to Jules, who was whimpering slightly but otherwise not moving or showing any sign of life. I sat down on the ground beside him and started running my fingers through his hair to calm him down. He pulled away after a minute, realizing I was the one touching him. 

“I’ll hurt you,” he whispered hysterically, almost nothing was audible at all. I nodded and Mingan sat on his other side, laying down next to him and pulling the smaller boy into his arms. Jules responded better to him than to me, which made me green with envy. Jules sunk into Mingan’s touch and let Mingan hold him against his body, Scout on his other side. 

As Jules fell asleep, Rose and I sat in each other's arms next to him and the native american boy holding him. When he did fall asleep, Mingan caught my attention. 

“Lydia?” he asked in a quiet whisper so as not to wake Julian. I looked up from where I was looking at Rose and my own intertwined fingers in response.  

“It really is my fault isn’t it? What you said that night, it is my fault. He… he had an… erection and I… it was my fault and then he started crying,” Mingan said. 

“It’s not your fault, Mingan, it happens every time he gets one. Our uncle forced himself on me and made Jules watch when we were younger. Jules was 9 I think. It still affects him more so than me though. He doesn't want to become like the old gas bag,” I told him. Rose said my name and I turned to look at her. 

“Lyds, did that really happen?” she asked. I could tell she was scared by her furrowed eyebrows and downward turned lips. I nodded and she hugged me tight, kissing my forehead. 

“I’m sorry about two weeks ago,” I mumbled against her full chest. 

“It’s okay now my love, but you should apologize to Mingan,” she told me, pushing a stray curl behind my ear. She kissed my forehead and soon, we fell asleep under the afternoon sun in each other's arms. 

“Lydia, wake up,” I heard the girl next to me say into my hair. I looked up into her teal blue eyes and smiled. She smiled back at me and I stretched my neck up to meet her lips in a sweet kiss. Next to us, Mingan was still holding a sleeping Jules and Scout was lying in between them and us. 

I looked across the river and saw that the fourth wagon was being floated across the river. I think it might have been Clancy's8 wagon, and by Rose’s reaction of immediately standing, I was right. Billy came over to us and nodded when he saw we’d gotten up. I gave Rose a quick kiss before she went around the large boulder and I think she sat with Billy on the other side, but I wasn’t sure.

Next to me, Mingan combed his fingers through Julian’s hair and kissed his forehead. They were good together. Mingan was kind to the point where he was almost too kind. He helped people who didn’t like him, even if it was because of his heritage. Most people here were wary of the Millarays because of all of the horror stories of natives attacking travelers. Those were tribes who had grudges though. Mingan’s family were some of the kindest people I have ever met. 

The boy also gave people some of his food if they were still hungry, especially the younger kids. A couple nights ago Eliza Jane and Huritt had missed dinner and he had saved his food for them. He hadn’t eaten dinner that night and breakfasts were small. He hardly ate even when no one was hungry anyways, often giving it to the dogs. He did enjoy helping with hunting though, much to Jules’s dismay. He also always made the younger kids laugh when he played with them, which he did often. The last couple of weeks I’d watched Jules admire him from afar since they weren’t talking. 

“Mingan?” I mumbled, knowing I had to say this. He looked up at me and hummed in response. “I’m sorry I yelled at you that night. I was mean and you make Jules happy, which makes me jealous but I’m still sorry. You two make an amazing couple. I wish it was normal for two men to be lovers because you guys deserve it,” I told him. 

“Thank you Lydia, I’m sorry too, you were just trying to protect him, I get it. And me too, you and Rose deserve it too,” he responded, genuinely smiling at me.

“Mingan! Don’t apologize! You did nothing wrong so shut up,” I said, the end of the sentence a joke of course. He chuckled but nodded, leaning down to press a kiss onto Jule’s head. 

Jules slowly started waking up and Mingan kissed his forehead. Jules mumbled something incoherent to me, but it made the other boy smile, his eyes shimmering. Jules kissed his lover’s chest, which he’d been leaning on during his nap, then kissed up to his neck like Rose and I had done when we… I’m not sure what I would call it, it wasn’t sex because neither of us were men. I coughed a little, smirking as Jules whipped around to look at the source. I threw my head back and laughed, his face turning red. He turned back around and kissed Mingan with vigor, taking the larger boy by surprise. 

“Jules! Kîtisân (your sister) is right there!” Mingan exclaimed. I heard Rose snort from the other side of the boulder and laughed. He laughed, genuinely for the first time in the last weeks. I’d missed the chime of his laughter. 

“What's ki-stan?” Jules asked him, horribly mispronouncing whatever Mingan had said. 

“Sorry, it means your sister,  I forgot you don't speak my language,” he laughed. 

 Soon, it was nightfall and all of the wagons had crossed over. We’d spent the day talking about how we wished we could be out with everyone and still show affection to our lovers. Julian’s wolf came over when Ma and Papa’s wagon was across and lied against a sleeping Scout. Soon, we were all eating and then going to bed, us kids asking our parents if we could camp out here, having Scout and Jules’s wolf to protect us if need be. Ma and Mrs Millaray said yes but the Clancys said no. But my Rose was going to sneak out after her parents fell asleep and come sleep with me.