Suzu was truly at a loss of what to do. All these revelations with Saku filled him with hope but then there was that one, not-so-small detail that he couldn’t ignore.

He was getting married. 

He groaned. This was such a mess. And there was no easy way to handle any of this.

“Suzu, what do you want?”

“Don’t ask me that Saku.”

What he wanted didn’t matter. It was too late. Sure, he’d been having doubts about Jiro—even before the other man had proposed—but he still committed. He couldn’t run from it. He’d already done that once. What kind of person would he be if he did it again? 

“Suzu, just be honest with yourself.”

He looked at Saku and his heart ached. Saku had forgiven him. The fact that impossibility had happened was something he still couldn’t believe. But it also made his head spin. If he had reached out, if he had tried to make it right sooner…would things be different? 

“Saku, I can honestly say that I would give anything to go back in time and not ruin things between us. I… My feelings for you are still the same. I think they’ve always been there, but I was just so afraid of what I had done to you. But I can’t just abandon Jiro. I committed to him and I don’t want to be the kind of person who just runs from things.” 

There was a sad but understanding smile on Saku’s face, “If that’s what makes you happy, Suzu-kun.”

He pulled away and Suzu suddenly felt cold, empty without Saku so close to him. Every fiber of his being wanted to reach out and pull him close again, to never let him go.

But he couldn’t do that.

He had made his choice.

Right?