Jax

My body crackles with energy as I step into Knox's home; of course, I suppose I should say our home now, shouldn't I?

Slowly one by one, the lights to the home flicker on, illuminating everything in washes of warmth. Nerves creep into my stomach, and I hold my hand where they are most present, pressing against them with a breath. 

"We should talk before we go to bed. Is that ok with you?"

I nod and turn back to Knox as he settles his luggage near the entrance to the door. My bare feet tap against the cold tiles as I wander into the large open living room; I feel a chill creep down my spine. I settle onto the oversized leather couch and curl into a ball as Knox makes his way in the other direction toward the kitchen. 

"Would you like some wine?"

His voice echoes over the expanse, and I hum in answer. I hear him laugh at my reply as he potters around. Everything seems to echo here, almost as if it were too empty. Footsteps become louder as Knox enters the living room and settles two glasses of wine on the coffee table. I reach forward and take mine, clutching it to my chest as I take a large sip with a sigh. 

Would this get me through this discussion?

"It's..delicious."

He hums and takes a sip from his glass. The leather creaks as he sits back with a sigh and closes his eyes. I admire him as he runs a hand through his hair; how could someone be so sexy after travelling?

"I had a meeting with other board members of the company, and although I have the final say, they all voted that we stay in good graces with the Quinn family. So I signed the new paperwork before I left."

I nod,

"I am not a part of your company; you don't need to tell me."

He turns to me with a frown,

"You are my mate; we'll be together for life. I am telling you because it means that I will need to meet with him more often than I would like, which means you may potentially run into him on occasion."

My hold tightens on my glass as I close my eyes - would he ever leave my life? Glass shatters beneath my hand, yet I don't feel a thing as liquid and glass cover my body. Life becomes a distant hum, and I close my eyes as his face appears before me. 

Esai was so handsome that it hurt to see the desperation and cruelty beneath his gaze. It's as if I'm there, back in the room, his breath against my skin (No). Nails rake down my naked stomach (Stop)

"Jax, baby, I am going to fill you up - I will give you my babies so you can never leave my side!"

My chest tightens, and suddenly I'm gasping for breath. How can Esai still haunt me? Why did I have to remember every tiny detail? I clutch at my chest, my nails clawing at my chest as if it would help me catch my breath. 

"Jax, open your eyes."

Silver eyes stare down at me,

"You will always belong to me!"

His weight pins me down, holding me in place as I scream for help. I want to curl up into a ball; I want to die. A hand slaps across my face, and I cry out, opening my eyes as Knox comes back into focus. Had he hit me?

"Jax, I am here - Look at me, my love."

I gasp for breath, blinking tears as his golden eyes come into focus. Esai wasn't here; he couldn't hurt me again. I sob, relived and lean forward to bury myself in Knox's open arms. My entire body shakes, which causes him to pull me entirely into his lap. I settle slightly as his arms tighten around me, and also from his scent, yet the fear lingers like an unwelcome guest. 

"I am here, love; I will never let anyone touch you."

I hiccup and rest my head against his chest, falling into the gentle rhythm of his heart beating. 

"I'm here."

He rubs his hand up and down my back, and whilst the gesture is sweet, I can still feel Esai. I sob, my skin feeling dirty as the memories play in my mind like a film. 

"Sho -- shower, please."

Knox wastes no time standing up and rushing upstairs into his bedroom. As we enter the large bathroom, he asks no questions, and I'm settled on the large marble counter. 

"Clothes on or off?"

"On."

He nods and lifts me again, stepping into the shower and settling me on the floor. I sense his hesitation for a moment, but Knox does as I ask and turns on the nozzle. Warm water sprays down, and I cry as if it soaks my clothes and skin. I want it to wash away his memories and what he did to me. 

I bring my legs up to my chest, the fabric of my clothes now stiff and heavy. I remove my clothes, struggling with the soaked garments until I'm completely naked. A pile of wet clothes sits at Knox's feet, and he stares at them before looking at me. Did he think I was a madman? I would. 

I don't want this to make Knox feel bad; I don't want him to blame himself. I peek at his face and quickly bury my head between my knees. I didn't want to see his disappointment or disgust. He was stuck with someone weak for a mate.

A-District was meant to get me away from Esai, yet he seems to follow no matter where I go. He's always going to be in my life despite never wanting to see him again. I hate how he's still within arms reach, a problem that will never disappear. 

"Can I help?"

Knox's voice breaks the silence, and I raise my head to stare at him. The steam has collected, making it harder to see, but Knox is hard to miss. Golden eyes stare at me as he sits on his knees and watches me. I sense his panic and fear in my chest, and I notice a hint of worry in his eyes. Why couldn't I be strong for him?

"I'm sorry that you are stuck with me; I'm the worst person to have as a mate."

I hiccup and stare down at my hands,

"You are not the worst person to have as a mate, and neither should you be sorry. I am here for you, no matter what."

I shake my head,

"I have every reason to be sorry. I seem to ruin everything, especially when it comes to Esai. No matter what, I can't escape him or his actions."

Knox shuffles forward, ignoring the water now spraying him.

"What did he do to you, Jax? Please let me help you; this is killing me!"

He'd be disgusted with me if he knew the truth. 

I look back down and squeeze my eyes shut tightly. Everything hurts, and I want it to go away. I want Esai to go away.

"I don't want you to hate me."

My voice breaks at the end, causing me to cough. 

I hear the slosh of water and look up as Knox crawls toward me. His clothes become soaked, and beneath his white shirt, his muscles become visible. He smiles, and instantly I am captured by the beauty of his eyes. He sits in front of me and clasps his hands onto my feet. 

Water falls from his hair in droplets which catch against his long black lashes. Instinctively, I brush my thumb across them, wiping the formed droplets with my thumb. He smiles, and I immediately feel soothed by him once again. 

"I could never hate you, Jax. We are bound to each other; my heart beats for you."

He takes my hand in his and settles it over his heart. Beneath his shirt, I can feel the intense, steady rhythm beating and take comfort in it. I spread out my fingers and stared in amazement. I use my other hand to hold over my heart, feeling the exact rhythm beating beneath my skin; we are bound for life.  

"No matter what, whenever you need me, I will be there. I will never leave your side unless the heavens decide it."

I want to cry out from his words, yet I can't. So instead, my eyes remain locked with his hands holding onto our chest, feeling the rhythm we share. I had to trust him; he was so kind all of the time, and now it was my time to show him that I was serious about our relationship; I had to show him that I, too, trust him as he does for me. 

"It happened four months ago."