Leo helped me with my homework and drew me into a few games in his room after that. I was grateful for any kind of distraction. For years, the only person that knew enough about me to figure out my home environment was Zoey. She must have told her suspicions to Mrs. Kenari, and I had mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, Zoey was a caring best friend who worried about me enough to provide that information. However, now at least three people knew about a life I had hidden away like a dirty secret. Part of me felt exposed and vulnerable.
"Have you noticed?" Leo asked, scattering my thoughts. We had just packed away a deck of cards and were seated on the floor across from one another. "Our symptoms have been steadily settling down with every passing day. I think the more time we spend together helps."
Even with everything out in the open as it was, I was still reluctant to tell the taller teen anything personal. For example, I couldn't really tell whether our symptoms were lessening or not on a grander scale because of all the other pain I had been nursing day after day. He'd only look at me with pity, and I'd ruin the mood.
"Could it be that you want to spend even more time together?" I asked him instead. "What are your thoughts on all this, of the possibility of me living here?"
"Momo," Leo began. He reached out to thread our hands together as if this time it was him who needed the courage. "I don't know if you'll believe me when I say that even though we seem to have had more downs than ups since competition day, I just want to know more about you. I want to be as close to you as you seem to be with Zoey...more, even."
I gave his hand a tight squeeze as I shook my head. "But, Leo, I don't know enough about myself to be able to give you that," I explained. "I've lived most of my life full of fear and desperately hiding that fear from others. I can't even say with certainty that I enjoy being in the chorus. When I first joined, it had been for Zoey…."
"Then, let me tell you what I know thus far," the amber-eyed teen suggested. "You are a loyal friend to one Zoey Shy, a girl that isn't very shy at all despite her name."
"Good point." The very thought caused me to snicker. He was absolutely right. I never really thought of how her last name didn't really suit Zoey's personality.
"You enjoy chocolate cream puffs and quesadillas," Leo continued. "You were the first to react with empathy towards a stranger."
I was about to deny that until I realized that he said "react" and not "act." While I hadn't been the first to act on it, I think I really was the first to sense the abuser's hostile intentions toward that poor woman. Hadn't I grasped Leo's hand the moment I realized she was being attacked?
"And you've been kind enough to spend all this time with me to help curb the symptoms we both feel," he concluded. "Despite being the stronger of the two regarding any kind of physical discomfort."
"Well, it's not something I'd have wished on anyone," I replied. "Aren't you just interpreting everything the way you want?" Regret nagged at me when I saw the hurt I had caused in his eyes before he collected himself again.
"Maybe I am," Leo admitted as he inched closer to me. "Maybe I do want these small gestures of yours to mean more than they do. The blond guy who seemed offended because he believed I thought he wasn't kissable enough...the guy who said my mom was amazing, and who stroked the back of my neck when I looked as green as I felt…."
His face was so close that I could pick out the gold in his amber eyes. My heartbeat stuttered. Way too close. The proximity made me nervous. However, a small part of me was eager and excited to find out what he'd do next.
"I am very interested in that guy," he insisted as he closed the distance.
I immediately closed my eyes. Leo's lips were softer than I remembered. Warmer, too. If our touches calmed the separation symptoms, then a kiss...a kiss was downright euphoric. Did Leo feel as uplifted and energetic as I did?
He pulled away for a moment, but it was to give me another kiss and then a third. Each time, the angle was slightly different. I was the one who met him for the fourth, and suddenly, something soft and gentle became firmer and warmer. Our lips parted, and our tongues met as if we had longed for it.
Though I had never kissed anyone in such a manner, my body seemed to move on its own.
The next thing I knew, I was straddling Leo's lap with my arms wrapped around his upper shoulders while his tongue tried to dominate every inch of my mouth. Was he the one fervently trying to get closer, or was I? With complete and utter reluctance, I forced myself to retreat. I placed my hands on Leo's chest as his dazed eyes sought mine.
"This is not us," I breathed as I tried to clear my head. "This can't be us…."
Leo looked confused for a moment until recognition showed in his eyes. "Momoiro, as difficult as you might find it to believe," he stated as he tugged me close enough to feel the hardness beneath his pants. "I, Leonard James Kenari, definitely want this...not once did I think of Raemka or Nevis when we kissed."
My face exploded in a blush. "I-I'm sorry," I stammered. "It's just that I know I've never kissed anyone like that, and it makes no sense for it to have been so…."
"Satisfying?" Leo supplied, but I shook my head.
"Perfect…"
"And that scares you? The idea of Raemka and Nevis making out instead of us?"
"..."
"I'm just trying to understand what you feel hesitant about," Leo confessed. "Am I not allowed to kiss you?"
"You are!" I refuted far too quickly for my own good. "I just don't want to lose myself...my sense of self...to some Egyptian prince with supposed unfinished business."
I couldn't figure out what the expression on Leo's face meant. Was he upset? Befuddled?
"You seem to like Prince Raemka less than you even like yourself."
"Yes."
"The problem is that I feel our past lives are but another part of us. I've already accepted that I once lived a life as Nevis, a man devoted to a prince. The me who was Nevis and the Leo that I am now are one and the same," he divulged. "But, you seem to be at odds with yourself if you still consider Raemka as a separate entity."
"Yes, that," I agreed. "Exactly that."
With an aggravated groan, the taller teen dropped back until he laid flat on the floor. "So, we can't be too intimate until you sort things out and are comfortable enough to do those kinds of things without the thought of the ghost of Raemka haunting you," he decided.
"Y-You'd be okay with that?"
"Yes, I'll be okay with that," Leo affirmed with a half-smile. "Because I really want to be with you."
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