One minute I had come harder than I’d ever had in my life. The next, I was crying on the shoulder of a man I barely knew. I felt so much and understood so little about how I had arrived at this place, with this person I felt so much for in such a short time. 

When I slid free from his body, I laid next to him. The space was barely big enough for both of us, but we managed to cling to each other. He was so very tender with me after I had been so rough with him. His fingertips brushed along my hair, wiping the sweat from my brow. 

“Are you alright?” I whispered. 

He nodded, and I could see his lips curve in the dim light that came in through the port window.

“Your need was great.” He kissed my lips, and I gasped. I didn’t know if I was going to make love to him again or cry. It was confusing. 

“I suppose so,” I sighed and laughed a little. I wiped at my face. I wasn’t embarrassed, but I wasn’t sure what to do with this rawness I felt. 

I asked the one question that I needed an answer to before I let myself sink further into this idea, this hope, I had found myself with suddenly. 

“Are you going to stay?”

Troller was silent for a long time. I worried that I had asked a question he couldn’t answer or didn’t want to answer. Then I was afraid that I shouldn’t have asked at all. 

“You don’t have to answer that,” I blurted. “I don’t need to know. You can stay as long as you want.” I had no idea what had come over me. I sounded like a shore-side spouse. Afraid for him to leave and afraid that if he stayed, he’d resent me for it.

Troller only smiled and touched my face. “It’s very simple. If you ask me to give up the sea, I will stay with you, Royce.”

I pushed him back and sat up. “What do you mean?” My instincts rang with alarm.

Troller answered me with a serious tone. “I will do it for you. It is why I sought you out, Royce. You can take the sea from me. I will let you.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. Why would I want to take that from you? It’s part of who you are. It’s part….” Of why I fell for him the first time I saw him, but it seemed silly to say that. Especially now.

“That's not all I am. I saved you, and now you can save me.”

“Are you talking about magic?” First, I had to know if it was permanent. Second, I needed to understand for sure what Troller was asking.

He looked confused by the word magic, but I didn’t know how to explain it. I didn’t have it myself. “I would become like you. I would stay. You can do this.”

“No, I can’t. I don’t have magic.” I had no idea why he thought I had magic.

“You do. All land dwellers have it.”

“Not all of us.” I was perplexed. I’d never done a magical thing in my life.

He touched my chest, his hand settled over my heart. “You do, Royce. I can feel it. You can take the sea from me.”

“No,” I said in disbelief. “No!” I said more firmly as I got out of bed. I went to the bathroom to clean myself off and flush the protection I’d used. I found my underwear next to the bed and put them on. I felt crazed. I pointed at him. “I don’t know what you mean, but I would never take the sea from you. It’s part of who you are.”

Troller sat naked on my bed as I paced the small space between us. “You want me to stay with you, yes?”

“Yes! But I don’t want to trap you here. I don’t want you to resent me.” I turned circles in the small space. “By the sea, I envy you. I envy where you can go and how you move in the water.” I moved to kneel in front of him and take his hands in mine. I looked him in the eyes. I desperately wanted him to understand. “I envy your life and the freedom of it. To live in the present and not have to worry about other people or what happens to them.”

Troller cut me off before I could keep going. “You. Know. Nothing. My life not what you think, Royce. It is not my own. It never was.”

I shook my head. “What do you mean? I don’t understand.” I watched as he let go of me, stood up, and pulled on his pants. He opened the door and left my room. I felt a sudden panic until I realized he went down the hall instead of toward the deck and the water he’d wanted me to take from him only a moment ago. 

I stood at the door to the galley as he found the box of apple fritters. I watched as he picked out one of the pastries and took a huge bite. Then, he sat down, and I slowly followed suit.

“I’m sorry, Troller.” I didn’t care if Pete heard us or saw me in my underwear. I was more concerned about the man in front of me eating his way through a box of pastries. 

“I don’t have the right words to explain. It’s not your fault, Royce. I asked for too much, too soon.” He took another bite, and my heart hurt to watch him look that way, distant and fearful. I’d done that to him. But if I’d understood him, I had some magic to take his ability to change away. I had no idea what, but I wanted to find out.

“Maybe.” I tried to lighten the mood between us. “I want you to make sure I’m worth all the breads first before you give up something you can’t get back.”

Troller’s smile was worth everything to me at that moment as he took another bite, then offered a piece to me. I took a bite and realized I was hungry, myself. “Is there another one in there?” 

He laughed and handed me one. “I remembered not to eat everything I haven’t earned yet.” I took the pastry from his hand and met him halfway with a kiss. I felt better. It would be alright. I had to believe it because the last thing I wanted to do was lose him.