Breakfast with the Baroness and Prince did not gone as well as I had hoped. I was more than a little upset that the Baroness had almost told my fiancé that the man I truly wanted to marry was my advisor. Even if I had only said it in passing as a child, I doubt the news would have been very well received by Prince Fionn.

As Gilroy predicted, the Prince has no interest in small talk or even talking about himself at all. I suppose the brunch was not a complete waste, as I did confirm our suspicions that the way to his heart was most likely through the head, and it appeared our plan may be working when Gil gave me a smile and thumbs up after the meeting with the Branch of Trade.

I want to ask Gil what they were whispering about during the meeting, but I barely have time to eat a quick lunch before I am whisked away by Lady Neasa, my royal wedding planner. About three weeks ago, when we first received word from King Diarmaid that he was sending his second son to fulfill the marriage contract “no matter what” (worded in a way suspiciously similar to the pros I’ve read from his wife), Gilroy hired Lady Neasa to assist me. I’ll admit to being resistant at first to her bubbly, enthusiastic outlook on the whole event—believing I would rather do all the work myself than listen to her constant congratulations—but she was such a slut in bed, I quickly got over my reservations.

She guides me through the final selection of flatware, china, flower arrangements, seat covers, and even candlestick holders, all purple and gold as I requested last week. I sample cakes and dinner plates, making last minute adjustments to the menu to include a few dishes native to Crismond in the hopes of appeasing my fiance just a little. I nod appraisingly at the bridesmaid dresses which just arrived from the dressmakers, and prepare myself mentally for my final dress fitting.

If I was even the least bit excited about the prospect of being married, I might enjoy the process of planning a party so large. As it turns out, not being in love with your intended sort of kills the joy of being a bride.

I sigh at my reflection in the mirror, hating the many layers of silk drenched around me. The lace bodice is high collared, but with an open back and trim sleeves. The skirt is slim and form fitting, but still feels like a hundred pounds with its ridiculously long train which flares outwards beginning at my knees. Hundreds of purple silk hibiscus are sewn into the train, matching the purple of the crown jewels I will wear to complete the look. To be fair, it is a lovely dress, but I prefer looser styles which can be quickly removed… for obvious reasons.

I wonder if the Duke will like my wedding dress. The open back does not detract from the overall modesty of the outfit, with my breasts completely covered by the structured bodice. Perhaps he would prefer that. I suppose I should at least try to consider his preferences.

“You look very lovely, Your Highness,” Lady Neasa compliments as she adjusts my veil to fall neatly around my shoulders.

“I feel like I am dressed for my own funeral,” I complain to the unsympathetic party planner.

“Nonsense!” she coos sweetly. “The only funeral you will be attending is all the men’s whose hearts will stop when they see you.”

“Do you really think my husband might die from shock?” I ask hopefully.

“How can you say that, Your Highness?” she laughs chagrined. “The Duke of Crissomid is so handsome! I am sure he will make you very happy… once you train him a bit,” she tacks on suggestively.

“I like you better,” I purr, stilling her busy hands with a kiss. “No training necessary.” I take her middle finger fully in my mouth, encouraging her to move with my tongue, but she simply withdraws with a wet pop.

“Your Highness, I really must insist you stop flirting with me. You are getting married the day after tomorrow!”

“Then I only have one day left to enjoy you,” I ignore her request to stop flirting, leaning in to kiss her. She covers my face with her palm, keeping me at bay. I sigh, resigning myself to her fussing over my hair instead.

I’m not actually feeling horny so it isn’t too big of a disappointment, I just… feel like a bird frantically pounding against the bars of a cage that are slowly closing in on me. Eager to express myself before my wings are manacled shut. Even if things work out with Fionn and Gilroy, will I truly be satisfied?

I love Gilroy with all my heart and even when it’s just the two of us, sex is satisfying. More than that, it is glorious. But a big part of our sex life is novelty, whether through inviting new women into our bed, exploring new positions, trying out new toys, or roleplaying scenarios we would never do in real life. Would Prince Fionn with his straightlaced, self-righteous attitude be into any of that?

Even if he agrees to be in a relationship with both of us—and that’s a big if—how far could we push him? I’m fairly confident that there will be a hard line drawn at sex with people outside the three of us, if he even agrees to it in the first place. If he fell in love with Gilroy, would he even be alright if Gilroy and I had sex without him? At least then we could continue doing things he might be uncomfortable with, I just don’t know where he might draw the line, if we can even get his current line to move.

I don’t feel guilty about what I did this morning. I have made no promises yet and haven’t lied to him, but I just don’t know if I can bring myself to continue after I’m married. One would think I would be quite used to hiding by now. Of course, I don’t announce my sexual activities to the entire Royal Court—I don’t even tell Gilroy every time I bed a woman—but I haven’t made any promises of fidelity to the Royal Court and Gilroy never cared.

I gather the Duke would not take kindly to me “cheating” on him. Would he even accept the fact that I’m not a virgin? Of course, he’s liable to figure it out pretty quickly after we are married. (I’m not into the idea of pretending innocence… unless my partner wants me to.) But if I told him how a week ago I had Lady Neasa here tied to my bedpost, gagged, her backside raw with whip marks, two long rods filling both her pretty holes… Well, he probably wouldn’t ask me to do the same to him, not the way Gilroy had when I told him.

There is no point in worrying right now, I suppose. I’ll worry about it enough tonight as I’m trying to fall asleep, no doubt. Best to just be optimistic about the whole affair. The brute was attractive, in a rugged, mountain giant sort of way. And as Neasa had suggested, maybe he could be trained.