THE PAST

His footsteps echoed through the empty house. With a sigh Juan dropped down onto the couch, putting his feet up onto the coffee table. He switched on the tv and began flipping though the channels, but nothing could keep his attention. He felt shittier about June's rejection than he had expected, it was still weighing on him. He kept thinking about the words she had spoken, and what she had said about his brother. That he had been asking girls out, but then never showing up? Juan had never heard him say anything about it and at school there was so much bullshit going around about his brother he never paid too close of attention to it. Even though he had to admit that he could see Mateo doing such a thing back when he was in school.

But he wouldn't do that with someone like June. Perhaps with her attention-seeking friend Jordy or Shawna who was rather naïve, but June... Anyone who was able to take her to the Jubilee Prom would be so lucky... including his brother. June might be the last girl at school that someone would think of to use for a prank.

For a while Juan kept switching from channel to channel while he kept going over the conversation again and again in his head. What should he do now? Ask someone else? He didn't want to go with anyone else, but going on his own would be really embarrassing. Maybe he could just stop by on that night and prove her that he'd been serious. A sparkle of hope arose at the thought she might turn down anyone who asked because she was too afraid to get hurt. Maybe he shouldn't take it personally.

That's a real slight chance, Juan. She was talking about your brother.

He ignored the voice in his head. Maybe he should wait a couple of weeks, and try to find out if she was going with someone else. And if she wasn't – he could try asking again. But then, if she would turn him away again, he would have no date at all. Maybe it would be better to have a back-up, someone he could ditch easily at the last minute.

Juan was shocked by his own thoughts. He had no doubt he really would have done that if June hadn't pointed out that exact scenario earlier today. Man, he was still considering doing it too! Somewhat ashamed of himself he turned his attention to the tv again, wondering if June had already known him better than he had known himself.

Juan stared at the tv until it was dinnertime, watching episodes of American Hot Rot. When his stomach started to grunt he walked to the kitchen to see what was in the fridge, there wasn't much. He considered trying to cook for himself, but it wouldn't be the first time he was cooking a meal while nobody showed up. Before Luna went to college she had always been around, but Mateo came and went to his liking, and his mom wasn't that different. With a sigh he sat down at the table. Through the window he could see his neighbours, gathered around the table. He couldn't even remember the last time they had all sat down for dinner. Most days he had to get his own food and even though he was okay with that, there were moments where he did feel envious of all the other families, where parents were waiting for their kids after school and asked about their day.

After an hour he felt that he had waited long enough for someone else to come home, his brother and mother must have decided to have dinner elsewhere. He took his phone from his pocket and sent a text to his best friend.

- Pizza?

It only took a second before the device was buzzing in his hand.

- Mom cooked. Come over.

Juan smiled a bit sad. He was grateful that the Sanchez family always welcomed him, but it called up mixed feelings. It always showed him the things he was missing in his life.

He put on his jacket, tossed the key in his pocket and closed the door behind him. Emilio lived two blocks ahead, Juan could even find the way with his eyes closed. They had been friends since kindergarten and their friendship had grown stronger and stronger over the years.

Five minutes later he rang the bell. Someone messed with the lock and the next moment the door swung open.

"Juan!" little Noa cheered. The six-year-old wrapped her tiny arms around his legs and he laid a hand on her head. His lips turning into a smile immediately, "hey little one" he said as he patted her dark hair.

Then he turned to Michelle, Emilio's mom. She greeted him with a kiss on his cheek and ran a hand through his hair. "Hey sweetheart. I'm glad you're joining us for dinner."

She gave him a friendly smile, but he could see that same look on her face that was always there when he showed up around this time. She felt sorry for him. And once more the fact that it wasn't normal for a fifteen-year-old boy to have no family to go have dinner with, was thrown back in his face. Despite the many years he came around, it was times like this that he still felt like an intruder. Like a little bird that had fallen out of the nest and was desperately trying to join a family so that he wasn't on his own.