Edited

THE PAST

June was startled as someone snapped their fingers in front of her face. Dazed she shook off her thoughts.

"Look, I know you have a crush on him, but since when did you change from secretly peeking to unabashed staring?"

June felt her cheeks glow. Her first instinct was to deny Jordy's words, but in fact she was too overwhelmed to say anything at all.

"What?" her friend chuckled. "You really think I didn't know? Every time he's around, your brain just disappears."

"Eh, about who are we talking about? You like someone, June?" Shawna mingled into the conversation. There was an enthusiastic sparkle in her eyes while she looked around the auditorium.

June groaned internally. Did her friends really have to behave so flashy? Yeah – they had to, she thought on a sigh. That had been the reason she never told them. Jordy was the dearest friend she could wish for, but she couldn't control her own tongue. And of all people she was the one who figured out her crush on Juan?

"It's nothing," she muttered, twisting off the cap of her bottle of water and taking a sip. It didn't help the sudden flush she was feeling.

"It's nothing? Dude, you're eye fucking that that guy!"

Beth chuckled. "You're the only one eye fucking guys, Jor. I bet that word never even occurred to June."

That was certainly true. Those words alone already made her feel embarrassed. She actually hadn't even noticed that she had been staring at him. But since he had asked her to prom yesterday, he was all she could think about. What if she was wrong? What if he was genuinely interested in her? Could that really be? Maybe she should tell her friends about it, she had to admit she was curious about their opinions. Even though she could imagine what Beth and Jordy thought in advance.

They wouldn't agree with each other.

She cast one more glance at Juan and forgot how to breath as their eyes locked. His lips formed a smile sending tingles through her whole body, but she was too shy to smile back and instead she focused her eyes back on the table in front of her.

Shawna nudged her arm with her elbow. "Who is it, June? I never heard you talk about a boy before!"

Her voice almost sounded desperate. As if she was dying to talk about something else than the catalogue of guys Jordy had her eye on. That list was different and changing every day, or multiple times a day.

"Come on, give her some space," Beth said. "If she wanted us to know, she would have told us."

June looked briefly at her friend. From under her black bangs, blue eyes coldly stared into June's. When they first started hanging out June had a hard time getting used to her cool glance. Beth wasn't the type of person letting people easily in. She kept pretty much to herself and only after a year she began to share some little things about herself. Of all her friendships the one with Beth had been the most difficult to form, and her feelings for Juan hadn't made it any easier. She had the feeling it could really ruin their friendship if Beth found out, even though it was just a matter of time before Jordy would slip up. Maybe it was better if she admitted it herself.

Her finger followed the rim of her plate as June gathered courage. She took a deep breath and looked at Beth again. "Juan asked me to prom yesterday."

"Holy guacamoly!" Jordy yelled so loud that people turned around to look at them. To make things even worse, Jordy also looked aside, to where Juan and his friends were sitting. "Dude, didn't see that coming."

From the corner of eyes June saw how Beth's fingers tensed around her glass. She squeezed it so tight her knuckles were turning white.

"I turned him down," June spoke quickly, looking skittishly at Beth.

The face of her friend seemed to relax a bit. "Good," she said with a dark glow in her eyes.

June bowed her head. All this time she had feared Beth's response. Not consciously, but there had always been a gut feeling on how her friend would react.

Jordy however couldn't really relate. "What? You turned him down? Are you insane?"

"Oh come on, you really think those two can ever become a thing?" Beth snorted dismissively. "I can't think of two persons who fit worse together."

Beth's words hurt June. She fussed with the cuticle of her thumb and wished they would just stop talking about Juan. But once Jordy had the chance to give her opinion about something, nothing would stop her.

"Who cares? Dude, you have any idea how hot he is? He can absolutely explore my body."

"You want the whole school to explore your body," Beth scoffed.

June suppressed a sigh and glanced at Shawna, who quietly picked at her salad. As soon as people were arguing, she always went back in her shell. The enthusiasm lighting up her eyes a while ago, was now gone. She looked sad and June had the feeling it was her fault.

"It doesn't matter," June said quietly. "I told him he could ask someone else."

"It does matter. You are madly in love with him and apparently he likes you too."

"Come on, Jor, stop being so naive," Beth answered fiercely. "She's nothing but a toy in his eyes. I'm happy June sees that. At least there's one person with brains around this table." Beth stood up and swinging her backpack over her shoulder, as she turned around and rushed away.

June heaved a sigh. Even though she really wanted to go after her, she knew it was better to give her friend some space.

"You know what happened to her sister," June snapped to Jordy. "Give her a break."

"What happened to Katie was horrible. But should we all have to act like we are in a monastery because of it?" Jordy asked with raised eyebrows.

"But it was his brother who..." June sighed. "I get her."

"It's just too bad," Jordy persisted, glancing over her shoulder.

June wished she could vanish when Juan looked her way again and was met by an obvious wink from Jordy.

"I think he's cute. He's not nearly as arrogant as Mateo. What do you think, Shaw?"

Shawna looked from June to Jordy and back. June felt her body temperature rise, as if Shawna's opinion would be decisive. However, it didn't matter much. June didn't have a lot of friends, so she didn't want to lose the few she had. Not because of a boy, even if the feelings he was triggering were unlike anything she had felt before.

"How much do you like him?"

June didn't know how to answer. Juan was the first boy to catch her attention. Over the past years there had been too much on her mind to care about boys, but for some reason he still had managed to take over her mind.

She shrugged. "I like him more than any other boy I've ever known. But I'm not stupid; I know we're too different and well – even if we ever did get past a first date, I don't even know if I would want something serious with him. I already have a hard time dealing with my own family, let alone having to worry about his too because let's be honest, there is no way to escape his brother."

June smiled a bit sad. Getting past a first date... her fantasies were running wild now. For him she was just a victory, nothing more. A trophy – one he would easily trade for another.

"Beth is my friend. I want to be there for her."

She looked at Jordy, as if she was craving for her approval. Her friend raked a hand through her blue hair and shrugged. "Your loss. But in all fairness June, I think that boy is already having a hard time with a brother like that. If you really like him as much as I think you do, you should give him a chance. Beth will come around."

But June knew that was a lie.

Beth's hatred went too deep to ever go away.