THE PAST

For the second day in a row June felt someone standing close to her while she was taking books from her locker. Just like yesterday a bundle of nerves gathered in her stomach as she glanced upwards and saw who it was.

This time not Juan, but his friend. Another guy who had never spoken a single word to her. Was he also going to ask her to prom too? Was this some kind of prank? The thought that she had to have the same conversation again, made her hands clammy. Trying to swallow the nerves, she stood up. The smirk that adorned Emilio's face differed from the look Juan had when he had come to talk to her; it was bolder. It wasn't like her to turn away from someone, but she didn't know what to do with her nervousness. Looking over his shoulder she could see Juan who was putting his books in his locker. For a moment she stared at him, all words she'd heard about him today from her friends were buzzing through her head.

Suddenly Emilio laid his arm around her shoulders, silencing her thoughts immediately. "Hey June. Are you still a virgin?"

His question shocked her so deeply her books slipped out of her hands. He had never talked to her before – and now he was asking such a personal question? She felt her cheeks turn flaming red. He couldn't seriously be expecting her to answer a question like that! With wide eyes she stared at him.

His arm still rested on her shoulders. She wanted to push him away, but she couldn't move. Even breathing felt difficult.

"You know, 'cause my homie really wants to do it with you. And who knows... after prom." He wiggled his eyebrows. "But for him it's good to know if you're a virgin or not. You know, to make you feel relaxed."

"Jeez," a heated voice yelled all of a sudden. The arm was pulled of her shoulder. "Leave her alone man."

"What's your problem?" Emilio grinned. "You told me yourself you wanted to do her nice and slow, righhhhtttt."

Juan's eyes shot to her. His face was just as red as hers had to be. He didn't seem to know what to say, in the end clenching his fist and jamming into his friends arm.

"I just wanted to help you, set the mood a bit," Emilio answered with a blank face. "You know, you can use my car..."

June had the feeling her eyes were going to pop out of her head any moment. What were they talking about? What did he need a car for? Confused she looked at Juan, who still had a face like a tomato.

"I'm not going to prom with June," Juan said. "She..." He took a deep breath and looked away.

June saw the shame on his face. It was clear he felt just as uncomfortable as she did and she felt sorry for him. "I was already asked by someone else," she jumped in quickly with the first lie that came to mind.

Juan turned his face back to her, surprise written all over it. And he also looked... grateful? Yes, that had to be it.

"What?" This time it was Emilio who looked confused. "You told me..."

"I told you I asked her," he muttered. "Not that she agreed."

"Well, that would have been some pretty relevant information homes..."

Juan sent his friend a cold glare, where after he raised his hands in a gesture of surrender and walked away.

Awkwardly Juan rubbed his neck. His glance was skittish, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed. There wasn't much left of that confidence she had seen yesterday.

"Sorry for that," he muttered. "It's not true. I don't want to... Well, I do, but...that's not..." He closed his mouth abruptly and knelt down to pick up her books. His fingers were trembling.

June didn't know if he was playing some sort of game, but it didn't feel that way. He really looked nervous – and his clumsy movements chased a swarm of butterflies through her stomach. Was it because of her?

"Here." He pushed the books in her hands. When she went to take them, their fingers touched and it felt like sparks racing up her arm. Juan looked her in the eye, as if he had felt it too.

June's heart raged in her chest as he kept her glance. Right when she was afraid her legs would give out, she broke eye contact and looked away.

"Thanks for comin' up with an excuse, by the way," he muttered. "For turnin' me down."

June pressed her books against her chest and nodded. She wanted to say something, but it felt like she had lost her voice.

"Okay. I better go. Umm well, sorry ‒ again." She heard how he heaved a sigh, his feet were already turning away from her. Still, there was something stopping him from leaving. His hands slipped into his pockets and he caught her eye again. "Look, I get why you're afraid I'll ditch you or why you don't wanna hang out with me cause of my stupid friends." With his thumb he pointed over his shoulder, as if Emilio was still there waiting for him. "But maybe... maybe you wanna hang out another day? Together?"

June's throat felt dry. In her chest her heart pounded so wildly it hurt and even though she doubted her face could turn even redder, she had the feeling her head was surrounded by steam.

Was he really asking her out?

She remembered the words his friend had spoken. The thought that those two had talked about having sex with her, caused a jolt of pain in her stomach. Her hand glided up her throat, as if the touch of it could lure her voice to come back. Fragments of the conversations earlier today raced through her mind. Jordy's words that it was hard to have a brother like Mateo, and Beth's opinion that they didn't fit together at all...

"Never mind," Juan muttered before she could reach any conclusion. "Was stupid to ask." He ran a hand across his head. "You think I'm a dick. Of course you don't wanna hang out."

"I... I don't think you're a dick," she floundered as she saw the hurt look in his eyes. "I just think..." She hung her head.

What exactly was she thinking? That he would find her boring as hell? That he only wanted her for the sex? That her friend would never look at her again? That there was not enough time in her life for a boyfriend?

All those things crossed her mind, but she couldn't get a single word past her lips.

"I just don't think it would work between us." She bowed her head.

While staring at the ground, she noticed Juan stepped closer. The tip of his torn shoes almost touched hers. She squeezed her eyes for a second as his scent invaded her nostrils. A shiver went through her body.

"How do you know?" he asked quietly. Even though he didn't touch her, it felt like he was lifting up her chin and she felt obliged to look up. His brown eyes looked into hers, questioning. "You don't know me. I don't know you. That's... that's what I wanna change."

His face was so close she barely dared to breath out; afraid he might be able to smell her breath. She swallowed with difficulty, while trying to look past him, hoping to find her train of thought, as her mind raced.

Suddenly she saw a movement from the corner of her eye, and a moment later the back of his index finger stroked down, along her cheek. His touch tickled, making goose bumps spread all over her body. His eyes locked on her and for a moment she was terrified he was going to kiss her. Right here, in the middle of the hallway.

She shuddered.

Immediately he pulled back his hand, the look in his eyes confused, as if his hand had moved independently from the rest of his body. "Sorry. I – I... I don't know what happened."

Even though he had removed his fingers, June could still feel her cheek glow. The silent desire to be touched by him again, waved through her body. Her fingertips were tingling, she wanted to reach out to him as well. Would he let her do that? Her head was such a jumble it was impossible to think. She felt helpless standing there in front of him. Dozens of images shot through her head; some, where he had wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. Others, in which his head bowed towards her as he kissed her lips softly – but there was also another in which he burst out in laughter as soon as she tried to kiss him back.

A sudden hand upon her shoulder pulled her out of her mind and for a moment she thought it was Juan, but when she turned her head to the side she found herself looking at Beth.

"Is he bothering you?"

The look in her friend's eyes was so intense she didn't even dare to deny it. For Beth, her hesitation was enough.

"Leave her alone," she told Juan, pulling June away from him. "It might be hard for you to understand with your big ego, but your attention does not make everyone happy."

June felt her lower lip tremble when he didn't look at Beth, but at her. There was no anger in his eyes, rather disappointment. She had to say something; he didn't deserve her friend's snark ‒ but she feared Beth's reaction too much, too afraid to damage their friendship.

So she bent her head in silence. Without thinking, she reached up to touch the cheek he had caressed only a minute ago. Her skin still felt hot.

Juan however wasn't as easy to put off. "I'm not botherin' her. I just asked her a question."

"You always feel the need to touch people while asking questions? You and your brother are just the same – you need to learn to keep your filthy hands off! I already lost my sister because of an Ortiz. I won't let you take away my friend too."

Beth's fingers closed around June's wrist as she dragged her along.

June didn't struggle, she couldn't even lift her eyes from the ground; let alone look at Juan, standing in front of her locker watching as she was taken away from him.