CW: Explicit language, mental health issues, mentions of self harm, mentions of alcohol addiction.

At first, Jun chalks it up to a shared hallucination. According to Healer Wu, there have been cases of such a phenomenon, usually between family members or couples. Though rare, it is something that makes more sense to Jun than spirits.

But then...how did his sword end up in the ground? Not only was the blade completely buried, but it had also split through rock and root. Meaning, that an incredible force had been required to accomplish such a feat. It took more than two burly guards and an entire hour of digging to retrieve the sword intact. It simply did not make sense.

The little lord is endlessly troubled, spending less time with Rin and more time frantically researching in the library. He would, of course, assist Healer Wu with changing Rin's bandages and check in on his friend at the end of the day, but he would quickly rush off to continue his obsessive search for confirmation. Though what exactly he is trying to confirm, he's unsure himself.

All the while, Jun maintains his studies and his training, never revealing to anyone this quiet struggle. And no-one, as usual, notices.

Rin sees Jun staring at the fireplace, looking rather gloomy and pensive. He frowns and pinches the lord's cheek, none too gently, in his attempt to pull him from his rumination. "Are you listening to me?"

Jun blinks and glances to the raven, who is on the verge of pouting. "Sorry, Rinnie. What was it you were saying?"

The Rat huffs and leans back against the headboard, arms folded across his chest. "Every time you're in here, you keep zoning out. It's like you're--see? You're doing it again!"

Jun gives his friend a weak smile. "My apologies. I promise. I will pay proper attention to you."

"That's not the issue here, dumbass." Rin narrows his eyes at the little lord, lips pursing and twisting to the side. He sees how pale Jun's become and the dark smudges under his eyes. How long has it been since he's had a proper night's sleep? "You're thinking about spirits again, aren't you? If you have any questions, I'm the right person to ask. I've got eighteen years of experience, after all."

Jun stares at the raven, startled into silence. After gathering his wits, he licks his lips nervously and says in a low voice, "It is...quite a lot to process. The fact that there is an intangible reality beyond my senses...I have found myself tearing down the very foundations of my knowledge and re-evaluating...well, everything." He pulls in a sharp breath and keeps going, the words falling with increasing ease, and speed, the more he speaks. "Not only that, but this discovery has introduced further unknown factors. Such as the status of other mythical creatures. And where does this all fit within human history? There is nothing in any history book about spirits or the implications of their existence, yet human history must be steeped in these entities. Perhaps they were even the catalyst to major historical events. How exactly do spirits influence humanity and our countless evolutions of culture and society? Also, the spiritual domain -- you call it the underworld, correct? -- if it exists, where does it come from? Who created it? What systems of logic does this world follow?"

By the end of his rant, Jun has leaned so far forward, his rear is almost slipping from the seat. His eyes are wide and feverish, and his hands clutch at the bed sheets, twisting them anxiously. He has more he wants to say. More questions he needs to ask. But he also has enough sense not to overwhelm his friend.

Rin stares blankly at the lord, head spinning. "I...ah...I think you're asking the wrong questions..." He pauses, pushing his forefinger into his bottom lip as he thinks. "If you find the answers you're looking for, what then?"

Jun starts, eyes flinching wide. "Oh. I suppose I hadn't thought much on it. I have been fixated on finding the answer, rather than what comes after."

"So it's inconsequential," Rin says, raising a brow.

"No. No, see, that's not it at all. This discovery has the potential to change the world as we know it. Science will need to be restructured. Our understanding of life as we know it will need to be completely reevaluated."

"But humans have known that spirits exist for thousands of years," Rin says, rolling his eyes. "This isn't new knowledge, you know."

"Well, that's because it has never been verified--"

"Oh? So it doesn't exist unless you say it does?"

Jun frowns. "Of course not, Rinnie. But scientists have not had the chance to research and validate this phenomena."

"What scientists? Your scientists? The ones working for the Mother?"

"I suppose so, yes. Government sanctioned--"

"Oh, right. You mean the same scientists that told everyone that the Silent Plague wasn't real?"

Jun falters, forehead wrinkling in consternation. How could he forget such a monumental event? A plague that swept through the Slums a hundred years ago that began with the disintegration of the vocal cords. During the first few weeks of the outbreak, health officials had refused to acknowledge that the plague existed, causing it to spread unchecked. By the time they reversed their position, it was too late. Thousands of people died agonising deaths and in their suffering, not one could even utter a sound.

"Look, point is, it's all out of our control," Rin sighs, reaching over to grasp the confused boy's hands into his own. His touch is gentle, as if he were cradling the most precious and delicate glass. "When you have too many questions and no answers, sometimes the best thing to do is...let it go. Just accept things as they are. Sooner or later, you'll find the answers you're supposed to find. And you know, the things you're asking. Like about the gods and where the underworld comes from, those questions won't ever have a proper answer. Even if your scientists do their research or whatever. They're not gonna find anything. And that's fine. How's that gonna affect you? How's that gonna stop you from eating or breathing or being a dipshit lord? It won't. So don't let it bother you."

"...I suppose you do have a point." Cheeks deepening in colour, Jun gazes at the raven, his heart aching sweetly. When he smiles, it's as if his exhaustion had been swept away. Goldens gain a light that had been missing for days. A sleeping bloom emerges from the cocoon of winter to unfurl under the spring sun.

Rin's heart skips a beat. He returns the lord's smile with one of his own and he squeezes those calloused hands.

"You gotta learn how to switch your brain off, little lord. And sleep when you gotta sleep. This spirit stuff, it doesn't matter right now." He tugs on Jun's hands and shifts along the bed, making room for the exhausted boy. "Go on. Lie down and relax. Keep me company tonight."

Goldens round at Rin's offer, the pink tinge in his cheeks travelling from ear to ear. He clears his suddenly stuffy throat and, after a hesitation, unbuckles his sword and sits on the bed. He stretches out his legs and crosses them at the ankles, his hands clutched tightly in his lap as he sits stiffly like a wooden doll.

Rin stifles a laugh and reclines on his side, propping his head up with his hand as he gazes at the lord. His demeanour is languid, the thin white robe he wears for sleep slipping slightly off shoulder. When Jun glances over, he catches a glimpse of a delicate clavicle and the smooth skin beneath. There is a small cluster of light freckles upon his creamy shoulder that the lord suddenly wishes he could taste. He swallows hard, mouth as dry as parchment.

"How's your wound?" he asks, voice husky with an unfathomable emotion. "Are you in pain?"

Rin hums, rolling his shoulder gently to test his mobility. He winces faintly but shakes his head nonetheless. "Not that bad now. I can move around just fine."

"Very good," Jun says, giving the raven a strained smile. "I think we will be able to remove your stitches in another week. As long as you do not pull them or irritate the wound in any way." While he is relieved at his friend's steady recovery, he feels that same sense of doom he had experienced in the alleyway. This is a dangerous situation. "Your argument is sound, Rinnie. Healer Wu says something similar. A good Healer knows when to fight and when to give up."

"I was just trying to figure out a way to dumb you down is all. You think too much. And when you think too much, you can fall into a place that’s difficult to escape from."

Jun's shoulders relax as he stares at Rin, his expression complicated. "Yes. I understand this well." He unfurls his hands and wipes his palms against his pants. "Ever since my brother Bora left home, I have often fallen into depressive spells. My father has little patience for me already, but when I am depressed, I would not see him at all. Mira is really the only one who remains by my side. In fact, without her, I would neglect to take care of my most basic needs altogether."

"Hm. I suppose I get like that too. I usually end up doing something really stupid though." Rin reaches out and idly runs his fingertips over the lord's shirt, smoothing out the creases. "What about your mother? I haven't heard much about her. Is she still around?"

Jun tries to calm his pounding heart as those slender fingers graze over his chest. The touches featherlight yet searing like white fire. "Unfortunately not. She died soon after I was born. What...'stupid' things do you do exactly?" By the way he breezes through his response, it's clear that he doesn't wish to speak about his mother any further.

Rin frowns, tempted to keep pushing. Instead, he shrugs and says, "I dunno. I told you before. I get mad. And I get crazy. And I do stupid shit like get into fights I can't win or fuck around with dangerous people."

"Why?" Despite himself, Jun relaxes as the raven continues stroking his chest. When he adjusts his position to mirror Rin's, those gentle fingers rise to play with the fine brown hairs upon his temple, smoothing out the tension in his face.

"Hm. It's difficult to explain. At the time, I think it's what I really want, and I gotta do everything I can to achieve it. Kinda like when it's a really hot day and you've not had a drink in days. And you get that deep thirst that water won't satisfy."

"It sounds like you're addicted to alcohol," Jun chides, a faint crease appearing in his forehead.

"I'm addicted to a lot of things. Everyone is in the Slums."

Jun falls quiet for a time, goldens darkening as his lashes fall low over his gaze. When he finally speaks, his voice is hoarse and tremulous. "Rinnie. Can you tell me more about the underworld?"

Those idle fingers run over the lord's forehead, smoothing out the faint crease there with soft strokes. "What do you want to know about it?" Rin hums, laying his head down as he shifts closer to Jun. Their legs touch and their bodies burn in tandem.

"I'm wondering...is my mother there? If there is a god...and there is a spiritual realm...then wouldn't I...wouldn't my entire family be damned?" Dark shadows gather in those goldens, giving them a weight that the Rat can hardly endure. Those wandering fingers sweep gentle lines beneath those dark eyes, as if to brush away the gathering storm within their depths.

"I don't think there is such a thing as damnation," Rin murmurs, his face so close to the lord's that their breaths intermingle. The other boy's breath is sweet and fruity. "I think...everyone goes to the underworld. No matter who you are or what you've done. Death doesn't care about any of that stuff. When you're dead, your soul belongs to that world. Nothing else matters."

A short sigh escapes through the lord's parted lips. His expression softens, the darkness momentarily chased away. He gives his friend a tender smile. "Perhaps there is peace in that."

"There is," Rin says confidently, trying to ease the little lord's anxieties. "There is nothing but peace in the underworld for those who crossover." Now their noses are almost touching. His bare feet slide over the other's, their legs slowly intertwining. Their chests touch and their waists...there's a stirring within them both, inexplicable, unknowable.

Jun gazes warmly at that beautiful face so close to his own, drinking in every delicate detail and every fine line. He brings his calloused hand to that doll-like face, cupping Rin's scarred cheek within his hot palm. "Thank you, Rinnie."

The raven's own gaze is heavy, his plush pink lips parted to free quickening breaths. "Hm? What for?" he asks, a little dazedly. He unconsciously presses his face into the lord's touch, eyes fluttering close.

"For noticing." Those two words are uttered in a low, husky voice, so close to his ear.

In the next moment, those plush lips are met with the other's and all he can think about is how sweet his little lord tastes.