October

Being homeless was a struggle.  Getting food was the biggest one.  I had no money since Dad didn't give me any time to grab any.  For the first couple of days, I starved.  I suppose it was good for my weight?  Not so great for my energy though.  Constantly moving around and staying out of trouble is hard when you've got no energy.  Trying desperately to survive, I attempted to get a job.  Sadly, Beatrice ruined all my chances of that.  Those little rumors she spread were my downfall and now nobody would hire me.

Most days, I cowered in the alleyways.  I didn't want to be seen or found.  Truth be told, I just hoped I would peacefully pass away.  Life was too hard.  First the gender issues, then the bingeing, and now homelessness.  What else could go wrong?  No, wait.  Cold.  Of course, the cold and rainy weather was setting back in.  Perfect.  Just what I needed.

One really cold day, I was trying to warm up by walking around the local park that Mum and I used to go to.  Sitting around on concrete wasn't helping with the cold, so I figured some activity would help at least a bit.  It was actually beginning to help a bit.  Other than my hands that were like ice, the rest of my body was starting to warm up.  To try and warm up my hands too, I tucked them under my armpits for warmth as I walked.  After a couple of laps, I finally warmed up enough to sit down on one of the nearby benches and save some energy.  With the lack of food, I had to be careful with how much I walked.

Quietly, I curled up on the bench and did my best to keep in the heat.  It was quite nice to not be sitting on the cold cement and freezing cold for once.  A luxury that I hadn't felt in a while.  As I enjoyed the heat, someone joined me on the bench.  At first, I showed no interest.  Somehow though, I felt as if they were staring at me.  Most people felt the need to stare at homeless people, but this stare was different.  I couldn't explain it, but it just was.  Curiously, I glanced over at who it was… and it was my mother.  My heart nearly skipped a beat and it looked like hers nearly did the same.

"Mum?!" 

"Adam!!"  She cried as she pulled me into a hug.  "Oh my god!!  I thought it was you but I wasn't sure!  You're okay!"

"Wh- How-"  I was still in shock.

"Oh, gosh!  I've missed you!!  Are you doing okay?  Oh, nobody's hurt you, have they?"

"I-I'm okay."  I nodded a bit.  "It's just, uh, a struggle, I guess."

"Well, no doubt!  Your Dad shoved you out without any notice at all!!"  Mum said.  "He didn't even give you time to grab money!"

"Yea…" 

"I'm really happy you're okay, I can't say it enough."  Mum smiled sadly as she cupped my cheek.  "I wish I could bring you back home, but I can't."

"It's okay."  I sighed.  "I'll figure things out."

"I'll be here to help.  Whatever you need, I'll help with.  Actually!  On that note, I have some spare money that I carry with me just in case.  Here, take it."

"Oh, no, Mum, I couldn't-"

"Take it."  Mum pulled it out of her pocket and placed it in my hand.  Before I could give it back, she pushed my hand towards me.  "Get yourself some food.  You're looking really sickly."

I sighed as I placed it in my pocket.  This was a fight I couldn't win.  "Thanks, Mum."

"No problem, dear."  Mum smiled.  For the next hour or so, Mum and I talked.  Reluctantly, I told her about my past couple of weeks and how hellish they were.  Hearing it only made her more determined to help.  Dad absolutely did not want me home, but that couldn't stop Mum from helping.  From that day forth, we started meeting every week so she could check up on me and give me anything I needed, whether it be money, clothes, or food.  At first, things began to look up.  But of course, things can never stay the same with me, and once more, I fell back into binging.  

All my money went towards food.  I would lie to Mum and tell her I spent it on other things.  Whenever I could, I would gorge on food.  It was extreme enough that once more, I started packing on the weight.  That was when Mum got suspicious and I finally had to admit to my lies.  Was she happy about it?  Of course not.  But she was willing to help however she could.  Unfortunately, there wasn't much she could do.  If I didn't have money, I would steal.  Thank god I never got caught for it because that would've worried Mum so much.  I was already giving the poor woman white hair.  At the rate I was stressing her out, she was going to have a whole head of white hair by next month.

The cycle kept repeating.  Binge.  Cry.  Hate me.  Try to stop.  Fail.  Repeat.  Mum tried everything she could, but I was unstoppable.  If she could've been there 24/7, I knew she would have been, but the reality was, she couldn't be.  Dad would've gotten way too suspicious.  He didn't know that we were meeting up and we planned to keep it that way, so Mum had to be careful.