oh no. What was happening? Why was Ben suddenly being crushed?
"I'm so sorry!" James muffled through Ben's hair. "Please don't be upset because of me and my stupid jokes."
Oh. Oh shit. James had noticed. What could Ben say to fix this?
"It's no biggie" Ben mumbled against the other's chest James grabbed onto Ben's shoulders, pushing him back slightly to look into Ben's eyes, a sad frown painted on his face. "I hurt you. I can see that. I'm sorry"
"It wasn't you" Ben responded, before realising what the statement implied.
"Oh? Well then why the reaction?"
Shit. Ben had never been good at thinking on his feet. He remained silent for a few more seconds, hoping he could come up with something to throw James off the scent.
"Ben, I know we aren't close or anything but we've known each other forever. There's nothing you can't tell me"
"There's nothing to tell"
At this, James seemed to decide not to continue his line of questioning. Instead, he let go of Ben's shoulders, stood up, and took a few steps back. He paused for a second before practically throwing his pants down his legs.
"Wha-"
"This is my biggest secret," James explained, placing his hand over the tattoo on his thigh. "We're going to be living together for a long time. I don't want us to have secrets"
A third of the way down James’ thigh was a tattoo of a beautifully realistic Chrysalis. It was truly stunning, and Ben wondered how an under-age kid managed to find such a talented artist willing to tattoo him.
This was a bad idea. Ben knew it was a bad idea, but the pleading look on James' face pierced straight into his heart. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to have someone to talk to about it. Maybe
"I..." Ben took a deep breath. " I'm not gay, but I'm not ... not gay"
Ladies and Gentlemen, the next William Shakespeare
"Uhh. I might need more than that"
Here we go.
"I don't know if I have more than that. Maybe I'm just pent up or something but, I don't know. I keep catching myself looking at guys."
"What's wrong with looking around?" James asked
"Nothing, until you get a boner."
This was a bad idea. Ben could feel the heat of embarrassment creeping up his face as he covered it with his hands. What would James think of him now?
"hmm" Ben felt James sit next to him as he spoke. “Sounds to me like we need to do some tests."
He didn't know how James had convinced him, but over the next week Ben had been faithfully doing his homework
Every time someone caught his eye Ben was to take note of the gender and keep a tally.
By Friday Ben seemed even more confused.
"What's the verdict?" James asked, as he plonked himself on the couch in his bedroom.
"I feel gross. This really didn't help at all." Ben responded, sitting next to James and passing him a slip of paper
"157 male 139 female, and 78 non-binary" James read "Yeah, that's pretty even. Maybe you're Bi? Or Pan?"
"I shouldn't have poked the bear." Ben whined as he dropped his head into his hands.
"It's all good, Benny Boy." James chirped jovially. "We'll sort it out. Now. What’s your sexual history?"
Ben simply groaned in response.
"Come on, no point being modest now!"
"There's not much to be modest about, really."
"Wait!" Ben called out looking shocked. "A handsome Fella like yourself? Surely you're forever batting away the ladies?"
"I have no clue where you got that idea from. I've never dated before. I kissed a girl once, but it didn't go anywhere."
By this point Ben had lifted his head from his hands, but it was still facing the ground, dark brown hair draping over his eyes. James could see the red, though, as it spread from Ben's face to his ears.
" OK "
The two sat in an awkward silence for a minute.
The Silence was suddenly broken by James as he jumped up off the couch
"I've got it! Do you remember the kiss?"
"Yeah, I guess. Why?" Ben wasn't sure he liked where this was going.
"Well, just find a guy to kiss and compare the two."
Ben was shocked at how confidently James had just suggested the stupidest idea ever.
"No." Ben replied. "For so many reasons, no".
At this the smile on James' face slowly started to drop.
"Why? It's a good plan! Guaranteed results".
"I can't see that working without rumours spreading, and then my chances with any girls are completely shot. Plus, I don't want to kiss just any stranger! "
Ben couldn't believe he even had to explain this. What was James thinking? It was almost like finding the answer to all of this was more important to James than it was to him.
"Why are you so interested in this? Why do you need an answer so bad?”
James simply shrugged. “I don't know, but it's bugging me. "
Ben stood from the couch slowly to face James
"Am I ever going to hear the end of it if we don't continue with this ridiculous experiment?”
"Nope." James grinned, rocking forward and back on his toes, grinning like the madman Ben was beginning to think he was.
This was just so uncomfortable for Ben, and James didn't seem to worry about it at all. Maybe if James was as uncomfortable as Ben he would back off a bit
It was after this thought that Ben had an idea.
"You kiss me, then."
Ben looked up at James feeling proud in his plan to get James to back down. James simply looked down on him with a calm face.
He wasn't uncomfortable. Why wasn't he uncomfortable?
Shit. Ben fucked up
"Okay"
*****
Before Ben had even had a chance to register what James had said, there was an arm around his waist and a hand on the back of his neck. James quickly closed the distance between them, pressing his body flush against Ben's and gently placing his lips on the shorter boys
When Ben didn't pull away James added more pressure to the kiss, tilting his head slightly. After a second James started to feel Ben move his lips against his own, and Ben's body relax against his.
It wasn't until James felt the all too familiar tingles of lust that he pulled back
That wasn't part of the plan.
The two stood, still pressed together, looking at the other. That's when James saw the look on Ben's face. anyone could easily read the emotion plastered on Ben's red, cute, face.
Wait!
Cute?
At this thought James pulled back quickly. Turning towards his side of the room, he rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he tried to regain his composure.
"So?" James mumbled
When he heard nothing in response James turned back to look at Ben, who seemed to have disappeared into his own brain.
James coughed to try and get Ben's attention.
Jolting back to reality, Ben's face somehow managed to get redder. As Ben grabbed at the hem of his shirt James finally noticed the bulge in Ben's pants.
At that moment there was a knock at the door. If James hadn’t known better he’d have sworn Ben had never been in the room. The only evidence of his departure from their shared bedroom was the sound of the bathroom door closing.
“Boys?” James’ Dad, Haruki, called as he opened the door, poking his head in the room.
“Hey Papa, how was work?” James asked as he walked to his father, pulling him into a hug.
“Good. Jack finally started using the right particles, so things are looking up. I’m off to bed now. Say goodnight to Ben for me.”
“おやすみ” James replied as Haruki left the room, closing the door behind him.
James wondered if he should check on Ben, who'd been in the bathroom for quite a while now, but the more James thought about it the less he knew what to say. He couldn't quite figure out how things had gone so sideways so quickly.
After a few more minutes James had formulated the perfect plan. He turned off the lights and went to bed. If he ignored things long enough they would fix themselves, right?
*****
Ben sat on the floor of the bathroom, where he’d run the second he could. Mortification crushed him until he struggled to breathe. He felt like such an idiot! He should have known that someone like James would think nothing of a friendly kiss. He's probably kissed a bunch of people. Maybe even more than a kiss. It was this thought that drew his attention back to his treacherous body. Lying teenage hormones had gone and ruined what comfort he’d found sharing his life with James and the Wintons. After this evening James won't want anything to do with him anymore. And that kiss? Why did it feel so much better than any other kiss he'd ever experienced? As memories of their kiss flooded Ben's mind they also caught the attention of his Lower half. This had to be the result of his previous two weeks of complete abstinence, having had very little privacy. Ben knew he couldn't ignore this particular issue much longer but he'd be damned if he'd address the issue now.
Deciding he couldn't hide any longer, Ben braced himself mentally and slowly rose from the tile flooring. Taking a steadying breath, he opened the door, relief flooding him when he realised that the lights were off and James was already asleep. Tiptoeing over to his bed, desperately hoping not to wake the very person he wanted to avoid, Ben thanked any and all gods that he could postpone the awkwardness for at least the night.
Been struggled to find peace that night and it seemed an eternity before sleep embraced him. When he woke the next morning James' bed was empty. While he was grateful to avoid the whole issue he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that James was clearly avoiding him.
Lazily walking into the kitchen a few minutes later Ben noticed that James was nowhere to be found.
“Good morning, Darling!”
Ben Jolted out of his thoughts
“Oh. Good morning Mrs Winton.”At this, she scowled.
“How many times have I told you to call me Emilia?” She scolded lightheartedly. “How did you sleep?”
“Fine.” James lied. “Where’s James?”
“Oh, didn’t he tell you? He had a study group today. To be honest, I’m surprised you didn’t go with him.”
That was an understandable assumption. For the last two weeks James and Ben had unconsciously fallen into the habit of doing just about everything together. The two had formed a close friendship very fast. A friendship Ben had destroyed.
“Oh, umm… I’m just going to study by myself today. Take advantage of the quiet”
“Ah, Ben, you’re such a good kid!” Emilia responded, patting Ben on the back as she passed him.
Yeah, right! Ben was nothing close to good. If Emilia had any idea what had happened the night before, she wouldn’t think anything positive about him.
Pronounced “Oyasumi”. Goodnight.
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