Ben sat by the campfire that James had built, watching the flames dancing over logs they had collected before the sun had set some hours earlier. The starts were out now, and shining with such brilliance you couldn't help but stare in awe. The two had eaten a picnic dinner, toasted marshmallows for dessert, and finished a beer each, presumably gifted to them by Haruki.
It was getting late, and the excitement of the day had worn him out. Getting up and taking himself to the tent seemed like more effort than he could muster, and the fire seemed too comforting to leave. Taking a leaf out of his friend's book, Ben rolled onto his side, allowing his head to land in James' lap. James looked down to meet Ben's eyes with a raised eyebrow and a warm smile, and Ben simply smiled back. It took only seconds before exhaustion took hold and Ben had fallen asleep.
Suddenly Ben was
standing in a white space, with no identifying markers other than the
two people in front of him; his parents. His Father looked furious
and his mother was sobbing into a tissue. Before he could ask what
was wrong his father snapped.
“What did you just say?” He snarled at Ben, looking about ready to kill someone. Ben was so confused. What could he have possibly said to make his parent's react this way? Ben opened his mouth to ask but was cut off by his mother.
“How could you do this to us?! What did we do to make you hate us this much?” She sobbed. Ben's father turned to his wife, placing a hand lightly on her shoulder to comfort her.
“It's not our fault, Love. Don't blame yourself.” He then turned back to Ben.
“I won't have a gay son, do you hear me?”
Ben's mouth hung open in disbelief and tears threatened to spill. He wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn't get the words out.
“Leave.” His mother said. Suddenly looking cold and distant. “Leave and don't come back. I have no son.”
Ben woke with a start, hie eyes taking a few seconds to adjust. He was covered in a cold sweat and his heart was beating as if he'd just run a marathon. After a second he realised his head was still in James' lap, and James was looking down on him, concerned.
“Ben, are you ok?” he asked quietly, barely above a whisper.
Ben couldn't stand the look in James' eyes; Pity, Fear, and concern written across them. He just felt too exposed. Ben wanted to run, his body was screaming for it, but as he attempted to stand he felt James' arms suddenly wrap around him. Ben attempted to push the other away but he no energy to fight with.
James held Ben close to him, not letting Ben run away. Whether because of frustration, sadness, or confusion, Ben felt all of his emotions pour out. The two sat there for what felt like a long time, Ben sobbing into James' shoulder while James rubbed his back and rocked the two back and fourth. Eventually Ben calmed down, and a few more minutes passed before James relaxed his grip and lent back just enough to look at Ben. Placing his hands on either side of Ben's face and using his thumbs to wipe fallen tears from Ben's cheeks, James evaluated Ben's face.
“Feeling better?” James asked, looking deep into Ben's eyes. Ben nodded, somehow unable to take his eyes from James.
“Wanna talk about it?”
Ben shook his head, this time dropping his gaze.
“Hey,” James dropped his head lower to to catch Ben's gaze again. “It's ok, you're safe” Ben slowly nodded again. He knew he was safe with James. He knew James would never let anything bad happen to him.
Ben lifted his head back up to look at James. There was something there, something magnetic almost. Before Ben could convince himself not to, he lifted his head up and placed his lips on James'. Within a second James began to return his kiss with great enthusiasm, his hands dropping to grasp Ben by the hips.
Ben moved his hands to James' waist, pulling the other to him until their bodies were flush against each other, straddling James' legs. As they kissed, James paused to lick Ben's lower lip, asking for entrance, and receiving it almost instantly.
The two continued for some time, until Ben could feel his pants tightening and James squirming, almost bucking, beneath him. Just as he was about to disappear into the moment again, he heard a moan rise from James' throat. The shock of the noise, and the reaction it had on Ben, brought him swiftly back to reality. He pulled away slowly, not sure he wanted to, but sure that he should.
Pulling back, Ben opened his eyes, taking in the flushed cheeks and dark eyes of his friend. The sight alone was enough to make him harden fully, and it didn't go unnoticed by James.
“What's wrong?” James asked. Ben wasn't sure. How could he explain what was happening in his mind when he didn't understand it himself? He was so confused.
“Let's hit the hay, yeah? It's been a long day. I'm exhausted.” James suggested, seeming to understand Ben's internal struggle. The two pulled apart and made their way to the tent, stopping before either climbed in.
“I'm so tired. I can't wait to sleep” James remarked, as if trying to assure Ben that they wouldn't be continuing their previous activity. Ben was grateful. He really didn't need any more to worry about tonight.
James woke the next morning to the sound of rain tapping against the fabric of the tent. That wasn't forecast. Grabbing his phone, James checked his weather app. Incoming storms? Awesome. There was no choice.
“Ben, wake up.” James grumbled, turning to his friend and grabbing his shoulder lightly. When Ben didn't respond, James moved closer.
“Ben.” He whispered, “Time to wake up.” That worked. As Ben woke he groaned, causing an entirely unwelcome reaction in James' groin. Not good.
James jumped up quickly and started unzipping the tent.
“Ben, storm's coming. We gotta go. I'll start packing up out there, you roll up the sleeping bags” James grumbled, not waiting for a response before exiting the tent.
As James started collecting their fishing gear he considered last night. He's taken it too far. Ben was uncomfortable. Of course he was. James had to stop letting himself go overboard. He'd apologise to Ben and promise nothing would happen again.
The two worked in silence, getting absolutely drenched by the heavy rain. As they finally finished packing the car the first rumbles could just be heard. Ben and James continued to sit in silence for most of the drive home, until they were just a few minutes away. It was now or never.
“It won't happen again.” James stated, breaking the silence. “It was a mistake. I'm sorry.” He took a quick glance at Ben, trying to pinpoint the emotions he was clearly masking.
“Okay.” Ben replied, not giving anything away. Usually Ben wore his emotions on his sleeve, but it seemed he didn't want James to know what he was thinking. He must be trying to spare James some embarrassment by covering his disgust.
They arrived home not long later, deciding that they could unload the car after the storm. Walking in the front door, the two were greeted immediately by Emilia who handed them both a towel. Ben thanked Emilia before mumbling something about a shower and taking himself upstairs, all the while showing his poorly masked feelings.
“I'm so sorry for you both, my darling.” Emilia said, turning to James and placing a hand on his shoulder. “I've never seen Ben so disappointed before, even if he is trying to put on a brave face.”
“What?” James asked, not quite sure if he'd heard his mother correctly. “Disappointed?”
Emilia smiled a little. “He looks just like his mother when he's disappointed. Now, you go change. You must be freezing!”
James didn't have to be told twice. That face. Ben didn't look like that while they packed up. He didn't look like that until...
James stormed into the bedroom, determined to know. When he couldn't see Ben anywhere he bee lined for the bathroom. Swinging open the door he was met with a cloud of steam and the sound of the shower running. James wasn't sure what he was thinking, but he didn't stop himself as he stripped himself of his wet clothes and walked up to the shower, pulling the curtain back.
Ben looked shocked, scared, excited? “What?” was all that he could say, seemingly stunned. James ignored the question, instead stepping into the shower with Ben, snaking one arm around Ben's waist, and placing his other hand of Ben's cheek. James stared into Ben's eyes, looking for a sign that he didn't want James to be there. He saw nothing but lust. That was all the permission he needed to pull Ben's body against his and take his lips into a soft but strong kiss.
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