WhaT is WrONg witH Me?

I call Cillian.

"Hey, Jin. What's up?" he asks through the phone.

"Could you meet me at the uni early? I'll be by the large oak tree."

"OK. I'll be there soon."

I hang up. I don't say I love you, but I'm not sure if it's true for him.

Or me.

He arrives a few minutes after the call. He doesn't live far from the uni grounds. It gives us enough time to talk.

"I need a rather serious conversation with you. It's nothing bad, I promise, but you're not OK and I want to help you." He nods in agreement, and says 'sure'.

"I did some Googling yesterday, because I'm concerned for you. You're not yourself. I found a lot of results for my questions, most said you were under a pressure, stressed, or wanting to break up, but I know that's not the case. But I found another result. Recently, I haven't been thinking I'm the best for you. You deserve someone you're happier with, but I don't think you know your happy. Cill, if I'm honest, I don't think you're straight." He went silent. I think he was shocked.

"Jinny, I've never been sure. I think you're pretty and all, but recently I've been feeling off about it all. I-"

"I'll leave it with you to figure out. Your first period is free." After that, we walked in silence to form.

I walk over to Cillian, who is sitting at the base of a small tree in the corner of the field. I think he's meant to be revising, but what's on his paper looks more like a very, very abstract peice of art.

"Go away, I'm thinking." he says, his tone sounding a little harsh.

"About what?"

"My life, but now please, go away." I don't leave, and instead take a seat next to him. He doesn't seem all to happy with my descision. 

There's something about Cillian that's nicely strange on top of his mysteriously strange. Maybe it's just the way we differ and don't fit together. An unlikely pairing. I'd like to be friends with him, but maybe we're too disimilar. It's probably best we don't become friends. I'm a Night Person, the King of the Night People. He's just a human. Regular human being.

Apart from his unbroken aura.

I don't know why Nicholas stuck around me today. Does he not know we can never be friends? I don't need another friend anyway.

I continue to ponder about what Jinny told me. I do love her, but maybe as only a friend. The light between us has dwindled. Maybe we're just in the friendship zone now. 

But is it possible that I'm not straight?

What does that even mean?

Oh well... Google it.

The definition didn't help. How could I just confirm or disconfirm Jinny's theory?

I don't want to rely on such things but...

I get many results from a ton of website. I use a couple, including Buzzfeed and Quotev. The questions are fairly similar on each site. Some are different though.

I get results that are all rather similar:

But the quizzes don't help.

And I don't know how to help myself.

I hesitate as I type in the question, because I feel like somebody's watching me. Watching me type. Reading my thoughts. Judging me. 

I look over my shoulder just to check.

"Oh, hi!"

"NAYA!" I shout at my ghostly friend. She flicks into human form.

"I thought you were straight. You go out with Jinny."

"That's what I thought, but she doesn't think I'm straight. Now I don't know if I'm straight." I tell her. She stares into my sould, long in hard.

"You know, you can't read me."

"I know. I'm looking at your facial expressions."

She stares a little longer.

"You know, if I'm honest, you've never seemed all that straight. I mean, you've never spoken about all those female celebrities the way my brother does, but you have said that some male celebs were 'cool' and 'pretty'. That was about 4 years ago."

I remember that. I really didn't think that meant anything back then.

"Yeah, maybe I'm not, but I'm still not sure."

I'm really not.

It's like a flavour of ice cream.

You can't know if you like it...

...until you try it.