I pulled up at home. After over twelve fucking hours on the road I was home. My legs started complaining as soon as I stepped out of my car. I remember that last time they were that sore but I wasn’t gonna mention that to Mom, who was already running out the door to hug me. Luckily I could see that she was in her anxious moods. Sometimes it’s like she has a switch that only goes between anxious to angry. Still can’t help but love that crazy woman though.

Literally no one would know she was my mother. We look nothing alike. I’m tall, she’s short. I have super black hair, she’s blonde. I’m thin and athletic, she’s, as she puts it, pleasantly plump. I like to think of myself as laid back and go with the flow, while she isn’t. No she definitely isn’t. Honestly I think Dr. Robert had to prescribe something for her nerves. I knew he had to give her something for in case of emergencies, but I think she had a daily thing too that she had to take, but I’m not sure. Yes it’s a little weird we see the same therapist, but I was the one to suggest she see him too.

“There you are. Oh how was the drive? Wasn’t too long was it? It’s so dark now. You must be hungry. I think I have something in the fridge you can get. Or we can go to the restaurant you like. Tell me how’s school? Made any friends? Meet anyone? You don’t know how worried I have been about you.”

God I love this woman, but when she gets going she does not stop. I allow it to happen though. She’s all over me hugging me. Trying to grab my bags to bring inside. Poking at me as if I’m not eating enough. But I know if I don’t let her she’ll get all worried and nervous, and then she’ll have to take her meds. Once then she’s like a zombie, and I hate seeing her like that.

I allow her to drag me into the house. God it feels good to be home. The sight of the old wooden door leading in the hallway made me know I was home. That light flickering next to the door like it has done for years tells me I’m home. The smells of her candles in the living room tell me that I’m home. The squeak of the floors as I step inside say I’m home. As much as I needed to get away from this place it is so good to be back home.

“Go get food. I’ll take your stuff up to your room.”

“Mom I can do it. I don’t want to sit down right now.”

“You’ve been on the road all day. Go settle in.”

I roll my eyes as she takes the stuff out of my hands and rushes me to the kitchen. I walk, I’m sure it looks more like a waddle, but I get to the kitchen. I open the fridge and see some lunch meat. I grab it and grab some bread from Mom’s bread box. Once my sandwich was made I looked over at the seat. Fuck that. I leaned against the kitchen counter and took a big bite.

“I set your things on your bed.”

I look over at my mother to see her smiling at me.

“Thank you.”

“You okay?”

I look over at my mother and smile. Not a fake one but a real one. I can see some of her worry lines starting to ease. “I’m just happy to be home.”

“Did you do well in school?”

“Yeah I passed everything.”

“How are classes?”

“They’re great. I actually am enjoying them.”

I can see my mom start to breathe a sigh of relief. She walked over and sat down. She looked at me as if she wanted to me to continue.

“I’m set as an English major now. So when I made my next schedule I have it set for that.”

“Why did you have to go so far away?”

It wasn’t the first time I heard this. And I knew that it wouldn’t be the last either. I sighed. I never told her it was because I needed to get out of New York. That I needed to escape where my father had been. To a place that no one knew me.

“Dr. Robert thought it would be a good idea to get away.” Which he did, but after I suggested it first.

“Are you trying to get away from me?”

I could see the lines of worry appearing over her face again. I quickly walked over, hunched down, and took her hands in my own. “No. Just I needed to get away from all this. You know. I needed to get somewhere where no one knows me. Let me be me. You know?”

“I know.”

I didn’t want to bring him up. I never bring him up around her. But I knew she knew what I was meaning. She had seen how I had lost my friends after everything. How I had ended up alone. That I had suddenly went from fun Benjamin to afraid Benjamin. Afraid that I could be just as much of as a monster as that man.

I kissed her hands before I said, “I love you Mom. But it was a long drive and I need some sleep.”

“Okay.” Mom kissed my head before I stood up and quickly finished my sandwich before I headed upstairs to my old room.