I’m not afraid of love. I’m afraid of it ending. Every time I fall in love, it crashes and burns and I end up crying alone. I was raised to be independent to a fault so I suppose I overwhelm my relationships. Until I can have a comfortable middle ground with myself, I’m scared to start something genuine with Guinevere. We have a solid friendship. I don’t want to want too much of her when I know she can’t give that to me right now.
So we write. And we create. And we focus on becoming better people. People good enough to devote more of ourselves to each other. Which is why her potentially knowing how I feel is dangerous.
I got up from the floor and put my coat on as Guinevere walked back into the room with a giant fluffy blanket wrapped around her body.
“You’re not staying?” She said and I nodded yes.
“Gotta get some sheets done for my class. They don’t know it but they are going to be popped with a quiz sooner than they think.”
“I’ll text you though. Promise. I really like what you’re doing here.”
“You mean it?”
“Okay…. Well I guess I’ll let you leave my lair.” She remarked and came up to me.
“I will miss you though. I feel at peace with you around.”
I feel the exact same way.
I hugged her and waved goodbye, gathering my things. Saying goodbye I left her warm cozy home and got into my car.
Running away from love was a sport. I can’t afford to lose.
—— LOG ON ——
Darling : I’m almost home, I’m glad we had that time together.
Queen : me tooo. and now i feel determinationnnn to write.
Darling : I do as well.
Queen : you feel me even when im not around? tell me youre hallucinating without telling me youre hallucinating
Darling : No illegal substances in my system. I guarantee you, I am most sober.
Queen : i hope when you get home, you sleep so hard. like ash in that deleted scene from army of darkness. wake up and youre like 2,000 years old. no people around at all. dude that would rule
Darling : Tell me you’re an introvert without telling me you’re an introvert.
Queen : touché