The last few weeks had been amazing. During the day they were good friends, living their lives as if nothing had changed, and spending their nights close together, letting off steam and offering each other comfort without worrying about labels, because they were just really good friends. It seemed as if Ben had found a way to have his cake, and eat it, too.
Speaking of eating, Ben was quite keen to get his really close friend alone, but last night he'd been told rather firmly that there would be nothing extra happening. They were expecting Jed at any time, and James didn't want him walking in on anything and getting ideas. That meant that they had slept in their own beds last night, for the first time in weeks, and there was no spontaneous fun to be had, either.
It was a fair call though, Ben had to confess, because when he woke the next morning, he spied Jed in James' bed. He wasn't jealous, though, even if that was his spot.
Ben stared at his phone, scrolling through social media while James and his friend, who still seemed to be looking at Ben funny, played games on their phones, still on James' bed.
Ben was so busy in his own head that he was thoroughly startled when Jed popped down next to him, grinning from ear to ear. Ben didn't like this.
“What?” Ben asked, wondering what the hell Jed was up to.
“I worked it out.”Jed grinned, almost bouncing up and down.
“... worked what out?”Ben asked, starting to become less scared and more confused.
“What's going on with you two.”
Shit! Ben looked over his shoulder to James' bed in hopes that James might intervene, but the bed was empty.
“I told him to go and get us pizza. I wanted to chat with you alone.” Jed seemed pleased with his scheming.
“A-about what?” Ben tried desperately to force down a blush, but failed miserably.
“Relax, man. I'm happy for you! Took you guys forever to get it together. I've been waiting months!”
Ben went into shock. Had James told Jed about them? They promised to keep it to themselves.
“How much did he tell you?” Ben asked. He had to contain this!
Jed's smile transformed into a smirk.
“Nothing, but you just did.”
*****
Ben and Jed sat on James' bed quietly, waiting for James to say something. James had been pacing back and forth for a good while now, periodically pausing as if to say something, and then changing his mind. In reality, James had no idea what to say.
“James, relax. It's fine.” Jed offered, after some minutes of silence. “I think you guys are a cute couple!”
“We're not a couple!” Ben and James responded in unison. James was grateful that Ben was backing him on this one, even if his support had the slight sting of rejection. They were just close friends, that's all.
“It's not like that. It's just convenient for us both.” James explained. “Right, Ben?”
as Ben opened his mouth to respond his phone began to ring, attracting the attention of all three occupants. Ben picked up his phone, frowned at it, and then swiftly left the room, presumably to answer it. James wanted to follow Ben and check that he was ok, but he had more pressing matters to attend to right now.
“I... I'm sorry.” James mumbled, dropping his large frame to sit on his bed. “I understand if you want some space...” He couldn't finish his sentence. Fear and sadness had formed a lump in his throat.
“What? Why?” Jed asked. “Why would you apologise to me?”
“I...” tears started to collect in James' eyes, and he dropped his head to hide them under his shaggy hair.
“Hey! Don't cry! It's ok.” Jed reassured, moving to sit closer to James, pulling him into a hug. “You have nothing to apologise for, you hear?!”
“Don't you hate me, now?” James whispered, scared that if he spoke any louder he would only sob.
“Why would I hate you? You're James. My Jamie. The person you love doesn't change that.” Jed stroked James' hair, guiding it behind his ear as he did so. It was a simple motion, but it spoke volumes to James, who finally let out a sob, before pulling Jed into a hug.
“Thank you.”
The two sat for a minute, allowing James to compose himself. Jed would never admit it, but he may have shed a tear or two, himself.
“So how long have you been letting Ben think you're all about this super casual hookup situation?” Jed asked, deciding that if he didn't push, James wouldn't offer anything else.
“I don't know what you're talking about.” James grumbled, still not lifting his eyes to meet Jed's.
“Come on, James, you're in love with him. There's no denying it.” Jed almost deadpanned. “Why won't you tell him?”
James sighed. “You heard him. It's not serious. He wants release, I'm just a convenient body.”
“That's bullshit and you know it!” Jed responded sternly. “You know Ben doesn't fuck around! Hell, you're probably his first!”
Jed twisted his body to face James. “He's scared, just like you.”
Maybe Jed was right. Maybe it was worth putting himself out there for Ben. James pulled Jed into a hug before kissing him on the cheek.
“Thank you. You're the best.”
“I know I am.” Jed grinned. “Now I'm going to disappear and you're going to have a serious chat with Ben. If you don't have it sorted out soon I'll put you both over my knee!” At that, Jed jumped up and walked out the door, presumably heading back to his own home.
James decided then and there that he needed to be more honest with Ben. It wasn't a matter of convenience for James. It never was. There was always something about Ben that drew him close, and he'd been fighting it since the day Ben moved in. Forget Gay or straight; it didn't matter, he loved Ben Stokes, and he was almost certain that Ben felt something for him, too.
James steeled his nerves and waited for Ben's return.
… and waited.
… and waited. Where the hell did Ben go?
After a few more minutes James couldn't bear it any longer. He was going to find him!
He wasn't on the landing, or the stairs. Odd. He must have gone downstairs for something. James headed downstairs, expecting to see his poor Ben stuck making small talk with Emilia; something she loved and he was too polite to interrupt. As James walked through the empty living room he noticed Haruki sitting at the Dining table, looking tense.
“Papa, what's up?” he called out, walking over to the table and sitting with Haruki.
“Oh, James. Sorry, I was going to come see you in a minute.” Haruki responded, clearly thinking about other things “Ben had to leave. Your mama drove him to the hospital.”
“What?!” James heart began to race. “What happened? Is he ok?” James began to stand from the table, determined to get to Ben, but Haruki's hand over his made him pause.
“He's ok. It's his Dad. They think it was a heart attack. He should recover, but it was a pretty big one, apparently.” Haruki looked sad. As much of a friendly man as Haruki was, he kept very select company. Michael Stokes was one of the few people Haruki truly considered a friend.
“Papa, You ok?” Haruki focused his eyes on James, a sad smile creeping onto his face. “You're such a good son. I'm ok.”
The two were silent for a moment, each lost in thought. After a few seconds Haruki spoke.
“James, you know you can tell me anything, yeah?”
“Of course, Papa” James responded, curious as to why Haruki would ask such a thing.
“Good.” Haruki responded. “I want to be able to share things with you, especially the important things. I want you to feel safe talking with me about your life, and the people who are important to you.”
James had a sinking feeling in his gut. A feeling only further justified by the look his father was giving him; a look that suggested that Haruki knew more than James realised. When James didn't say anything, Haruki continued.
“I want you to be able to tell me when important events happen in your life. For example, when you find the one you love.”
Shit, how did everyone suddenly know?!
“It's ok.” Haruki said, noting the fear on his son's face. “I love you, and I want you to be happy. The day I know you've found that person, whoever they are, will be one of the greatest days I will experience.” His dad always had a way with words.
“I love you too, Papa.” James replied. Haruki gave him another small smile before standing up and patting his son on the shoulder.
“Is there anything you want to tell me?” Haruki asked.
James considered the question for a second. “I suppose there might be, but I want to tell him how I feel, first.”
Haruki's smile grew, this time making it to his eyes. “I think that's a great idea. I look forward to hearing about it soon.”
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