It happened on a Friday evening, when I was walking home from the doctor’s office. It had been a long and tough process, but I finally held in my hands a very precious piece of paper: the diagnosis that said I was autistic. Throughout my life I had always felt out of place and, for 30 years, I lived pretending to be someone I was not. That paper gave me peace of mind I had never experienced before. People always said I was a bit weird, but now I knew I was simply autistic. This detail was a crucial part of my identity.

When I left the doctor’s office I had a smile on my face. As the sun set, I walked the busy streets of my hometown, a city so big one could be swallowed by it. I felt as if I was walking on clouds, even if it was the end of a long working week. It was perhaps this aloofness that led me to my tragic end. As I was crossing a street, I was hit by a truck that seemed to have come out of nowhere. I remember the impact, the pain and the blood that flowed like a river. My death was not instant, but it didn’t take too long either. I remember thinking that the blood felt warm, and then there was only darkness.

***

When I woke up, I realised I was in an unfamiliar place. This feeling, however, did not last long, as I soon started to recognise my surroundings. I felt great pain all over my body (as if a truck had run over me!) and had a terrible headache. Soon, my mind was filled with memories: a young girl with brown hair and yellow eyes training in swordsmanship, another young girl, this one with black hair and eyes, drawing compulsively. The first was called Tsisana Zephyrine, and the other was Sena Young. I believed I was both.

A warm light filled the room. I felt the sun on my face and squinted my eyes. It seemed to be early morning, as the sun was not yet high up in the sky. A young woman opened the door quietly, and was startled to see that I was already up.

‘Good morning, Baroness Zephyrine’, she said politely.

‘Good morning’.

Her name was Sophie and she was my personal maid. I didn’t have to look in the mirror to understand that I was in Tsisana’s body, this girl had so many muscles that even moving an arm felt completely different from when I was Sena. I quickly sent Sophie away on the pretext of breakfast. I said I was especially hungry that morning, and wanted to eat more than I usually do. I specifically asked for croissants and lemon pie, as these were my favourites.

When Sophie left, I started organising my thoughts. The memories kept flowing in, and it felt like this would last a while. The headache didn’t waver, but I started to grow used to it, so it was bearable. I remembered Sena Young, how she had been hit by a truck after finally getting her autism diagnosis. I remembered the company she worked at and the city she lived in. I remembered how she lived alone with her cats. Not only that, I also recalled the last novel she had read: an awful romance called ‘Villainess Undone’.

I tried recalling the plot: Tsisana Zephyrine, who had inherited the title of Baroness because of her parent’s premature death, was the villain (and also main character) of the story. She had a bit of an infatuation with swords, and liked cutting objects and humans a bit more than people would consider normal. Tsisana had always thought her parent’s death was strange and decided to investigate it. She was right, they hadn’t died in a carriage accident, but were assassinated. The reason? They discovered secrets they should not have. The novel begins in spring, with the start of a new school term. Tsisana goes to Carmella Academy hoping to uncover the truth. The result, however, is disastrous.

As with every story, ‘Villainess Undone’ had its protagonist and antagonist. If Tsisana was the villain, Lady Ishtar was most certainly the heroine. She was loved by all inhabitants of the Empire, and had received the title of Saintess. She worked at the Temple, and was able to heal almost any diseases or wounds. Tsisana believed she was behind her parent’s murder. At Carmella Academy, she attempts to become closer with the Saintess’ lover, Gin Argentine, but her plan backfires. Ishtar is incredibly jealous and possessive. She frames Tsisana for bullying and harassment, and sends her to jail. The first volume ends with Tsisana in a prison cell, contemplating if she should kill herself with poison or not.

When Sophie came back with a tray filled with croissants, lemon pie and different types of cheesecakes, I had already made up my mind: I wouldn’t go down the death road. I had already died once, and I was not willing to do it again anytime soon. Although they only held the title of Barons, the Zephyrine family had an incredibly comfortable life, and I would enjoy it as much as I could. I also knew the truth behind the murder of the Zephyrine couple, and it was not like I could do anything about it. So why should I waste my energy on it? I would lead a lazy life surrounded by beautiful scenery, good food and, hopefully, cats.

At least that was what I thought.