[009]

I held the key tightly. Never would I have expected such a horrifying feeling of dread. No this wasn't dread, this was like giving me a loaded gun and asking “Kill yourself now or I’ll torture you forever.” It's a no brainer. The choice is obvious. So why am I hesitating?

The key felt cold.

The bathroom felt cold.

My hands are cold.

December is cold.

I won't experience this again.

I don't think I want to.

Deep breath.

I gripped the key, I faced it towards my ear. I forced it in. I twisted it too to make sure it did serious damage. I left it inside my ear.

I wonder what Christmas is like.

But I’ll never find out.

I close my eyes and count down the minutes

30 minutes passed but it didn't work no matter how hard I tried.

I genuinely tried but it didn't work. I think I’m gonna lose my fucking mind. The key simply popped back out and my head feels brand new. This is unfair, I can't die. I can't kill myself there's no escape. Oh God, what did I do wrong? The cold key felt warm and was dripping with blood while my head was fine. It was so uncanny.

My phone rang, it was Yuki. I held the phone up to the ear that previously had a key inside it.

“Yo Prim, big news we gotta meet up. I’m outside the place you're at.”

“Ok give me a sec I’m coming out.”

I tossed the key in the toilet and jumped out the tight window. I was frustrated, why care about friends? Why care about this team and reformation? If Gato let me hold her tits I wouldn't even fucking care. If I can't die then clearly I chose hard mode or some shit. I’ve decided, I’m using this near immortal body to figure out my past. Once I’m done with that then I’ll get Celeste to take down all those Executers and finally he’ll resurrect me properly back into human. That's my only path since suicide is no longer an option.

I meet with Yuki outside,

“If you really wanted to Alt F4 yourself you should've asked me, it's impossible for a regen like you to die from that.”

I don't even care that he knows I tried that.

“We had fun talking, I’d like to talk again sometime. If you ever have these bad thoughts I’m a psychology major so I can help you out.”

Fuck college.

“Right now we need to head over to Penn Station so we can meet with Celeste and Gato, Celeste has a plan.”

I hold onto him,

“Quit looking so down, I won't tell them shit. Just bare with me at least I’m your friend.”

I don't need friends.

*blip*