Here I stand in the church

The lace of my dress cuts at my neck like a noose

I feel like an imposter standing among these pure and holy worshipers

I feel like an imposter when I’m next to the devil

My father wasn’t always a religious man

But my mother was

And he loved her like she was her own god

So then my father became a holy man

When my mother passed

My father fell hard

He took to drugs, sex, and drinks

He was no longer a holy man

But one day things changed

My father said my mother would not want this of him

So then he became a ‘worshiper’

So then he became the devil

“Come to church on Sunday!”

The preacher said

“Study the Bible on Wednesday!”

The nuns said

On Saturday my father drank and drank and drank

He ordered women and men and anyone who would fuck for a dollar

He bought so many drugs that it looked like it was snowing in the living room

He had over friends and strangers alike as he slowly corrupted the town

I remember cowering in my room

Flashing lights and loud music filled my sleepless nights

I remember crying out to any god

But no god will answer when your father is the devil

The next day, my father would be in the Sunday morning sermon

Hair gelled and shirt ironed

The picture perfect image of a holy man

But the glitter that clings to the bottom of his shoes tells otherwise

The priest would praise my father for his righteous ways

For his resilience after the passing of my mother

But if the priest knew of the stains on my living room rug

He would sing a different kind of song

My father would stay the holy man for the next few days

No parties, no drugs, no drinks, no bodies

But when Wednesday bible study came

The Devil knocked again

My father discovered that the thin paper of the bible

Is perfect for lining up powder

So each day he studied a page in the bible

Before it was ripped out for an unholy purpose

Come Thursday morning

I found my father on the couch

A powder white mustache adorning his face

And I knew the Devil was back

Scattered across the floor

I found powder stained pages

So with a guilt burdened heart

I threw away the pages of my mother’s bible

On Friday my father did nothing

But I knew it was the calm before the storm

So come Saturday when the strippers came knocking

I know the Devil did too

Saturday came

Another party

Sunday came

More church

I gained false hope

That this will all end

But when the painted white pages

Litter the ground

I knew this week won't be different

I knew that this will happen like clock work

I knew that this is my life now

I knew that my religious father is the Devil himself