Neel

TW: use of word homophobic.

This time Dharm drove bike way back his apartment. I was silent for through the whole drive. When we entered his apartment he spoke,

“Beers?”

“Yes please” and I sat my ass down in the small table in the kitchen.

He came with two cans of beer and handed over me one. And after taking a sip, I initiated the conversation because I had questions.

“What did she mean when she said “I knew it?””

“I will be honest with you, but you have to answer to that why your mood changed after seeing Josh?”

I have finished a quarter of my beer and I was in no filter mode.

“Fine I will go first” I took another long sip.

“In school, he was a bully to me. Our personalities were different as you already know. So, it gave him the upper edge to go on it because I usually either used to ignore his comments or used come back at him back at him but only a few times.”

I again took another sip and continued,

“He would say so many homophobic names and rest that were really offensive. At this point you might be like you should have come up with come backs too and more often. What should I say? Same shit that he throws at me? Then what will be the different between me and him?”

And by now I am done with my beer. He is still drinking his but his eyes are glued to me. I put my can on the table, circling my finger on its top and continued,

“After school I cut off contacts with many and he is one of those. But recently he is trying to get in touch with me. I don’t know why but I don’t want to get in touch with him. So, meeting him there which was quite a coincidence which I wasn’t expecting, threw me off a little. And can I get another beer can?” I asked him.

I think he was so into listening to me because it took him a to understand that I asked for another beer.

“In the fridge, 2^nd row. Get one for me too.”

I came back with two cans and I handed one to him.

“And my story is that, Aisha is my ex. We broke because she couldn’t handle the fact that I am bisexual. When I told her that, she was just not accepting about it. And then it got a point where I was like I have to get out. And she even didn’t give a second thought when I said “lets break up”. And now with “I knew it” I think what she was try to imply would be that I am now with a man, she always knew I would be with a man or I am not bisexual.”

“Well, that sucks.” I said after finishing my half of my can.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how should I put this…” I knew what he’s going to ask and I wanted to spare him with effort to come with a sentence that is not offense because that’s what he’s trying to do.

“I don’t like to label myself. I feel contained when I label myself. Yeah, I look at girls but I look at boys too. The first person who I genuinely liked was a guy with whom it didn’t work out well. It’s a on going theme for me. I know a hole lot of people don’t like to label themselves and I kind feel the same like them, but then I think is this the really the fact because it feels so good to be true and can be the fact that I have some internalized phobia which I haven’t overcame yet.”

I had my non occupied hand on the table which he took and said,

“If you don’t like to label yourself, don’t. You don’t need to. Leave labels and yes, there are people who don’t like to label themselves and its not “its too good to be true”. You can be whoever you are, and with whoever you want to be with.”

“Thanks, that’s comforting to hear” I smiled while he kept caressing his thumb on my hand.

Now I wanted to reast a little so I stood up and told him that I am take the room in which I was last time.

“I have kept a t-shirt and a short for you there. You can find them on the side table, and good night.” He smiled and I smiled back.

After freshen up, I released a bug sigh and tried to sleep.

/* this is the first time I ever talked about bully. I thought that college would be a new life and I will pave a new path. But look where destiny took me back. I feel really light after taking to Dharm, and also about labels. I don’t know whether since he was bi himself, he was as understanding about labels and bully but I hope everyone does the same. */

…

Sunday went actually well. And till evening we didn’t go out of the house at all. We made breakfast and lunch, watched Netflix most of the time and I didn’t take shower until Dharm was like, “Lets get out to go somewhere and please before that shower!!!.”

I think he is a routine guy. The first thing he did after breakfast was shower. And when he asked me to shower as shower is now available to use, I said just one word which told everything. Sunday. And with just saying “Sunday” what I meant and most of the people like me meant are, it’s a weekend, we are lazy ass people and we do things way slowly when it’s a weekend.

He just chuckled a little and didn’t said anything else. But at evening he was really pushy for shower which I did because I at least won’t go out without shower. After coming out of shower, when I started getting ready, my mobile chimed and when I looked the message was from my mom saying,

“I will be back tomorrow.”

“We are up for more conversation then” I told myself.

“Are you coming or not?” Dharm yelled from Hall.

“I am ready, coming” I just a smile on my face on its own. I will handle things tomorrow what will happen tomorrow. And with that I entered the hall, he had helmet in his left hand and spoke,

“Shall we go out now?”