I’m naked. Jake’s naked. We’re sweaty and out of breath. Our clothes are scattered across the living room. We’re both on our backs on the floor. I look over at him to see him looking up at the ceiling panting like a dog in heat. It dawns on me, like it had done several times while we were inside each other, I just fucked my best friend.

“That was unbelievable.” Jake finally spoke. I can hear the excitement in his voice. The same voice that had been moaning and panting. I can’t help but think of hearing it again, and again, and again.

What is happening to me? I never get attached. Even with Ken I’m not thinking shit like this after. But here’s Jake. Straight Jake. Jake who fucks around like me. And all I can think is how fucking hot he is and when we could do it again. I’m picturing shit months from now, and years from now. Us fucking a lot. Us getting an apartment together. Us graduating together. Getting jobs but staying together. Why the fuck am I thinking of relationship type shit with my best friend?

I look away so he can’t see my face. I know he’d be able to read it. Everyone can. This is why you don’t fuck your friends. I can’t help but tell myself this. At least with Ken we established the whole friends with benefits thing when we first started. Jake, however, I never thought of going this far with him. I mean sure, when I first met him I thought he was hot as fuck, and he is, but I could firmly establish him as straight. I never really entertained the thought of doing this with him. But now that it has my mind is reaching for shit I never thought about before.

“What happens now?” I had to ask. I don’t know if he could hear the fear in my voice. Hell he probably can cause I could hear it myself.

“Well what are you thinking?”

I feel a pressure on my chest. I look down to see that he had rolled over as had set his chin on me while looking right up at me. I tear my eyes away from him. God I’m so confused right now.

“I don’t know. Just… You know I don’t…”

“What’s wrong?”

I look at him again. I can see the concern in his eyes.

“I’m scared.” I can’t help but admit it. It’s true. I’m scared to lose my best friend. But I’m also scared that this might go further then I want.

“About?”

“You’re my best friend. I haven’t had a real friend in such a long time. And I just don’t wanna fuck this up and lose that.”

“I gotta admit you’re probably my best friend too. Most of my friends just show up for the parties. I mean you do too, but none of them come over and chill like you do. I don’t hear from them during the week like I do with you. Hell you let me borrow money like a month ago.”

“And yet you still haven’t paid me back.” We both couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe I’m just being an idiot. I mean I know I’m already pretty much an idiot. I’m overthinking like I always do though.

“You know I don’t do relationships though.”

“Are you afraid that this will go that far?”

“I’m afraid it will, but I can’t deny that I also kinda hope it would. I just don’t know. It’s all so confusing. What are you thinking about all this?”

“I’ve never thought about a guy before. I have nothing against gays and bis. But I always thought it wasn’t for me. So I guess I’m a little confused now too.”

“Where do we go from here?”

“The shower.”

With that he got up and pulled me with him to the shower. I guess that could have been my answer. Just one step at a time. Although I do have to say the shower didn’t clean us all too well since we went right back at it before we were both wet.