Belle’s POV
“You’re leaving now, aren’t you? Your work here is done.” I felt a wave of sadness. I tried to keep a poker face while talking to Reign because I don’t want her to read my emotions. Being emotionally vulnerable in front of Reign is kind of embarrassing because she doesn’t seem to care a tad bit about it. She always has ways of her own how to avoid feeling things that make her feel human.
Though there are times that she would express herself but I could tell that most of the time she regrets being vulnerable in front of me so she would run away. She cares about me. I know that. But she doesn’t want to look like she cares. At least that's what I see. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be here. Why would Reign care about her shoes? The last time we had an issue with her clothes, she burnt them in front of me. If anything, she’s just finding excuses to get close to me.
Reign continued to rub her face to lessen the pain of my slap which I don’t feel sorry for. Not even a bit. “I may have no soul but I could still feel with this body, okay?”
“Where’s your soul?”
“It’s in the bottle with my Superior. Probably sold it somewhere.”
“Is that so? You can’t take it back?”
“I tried it before but he said no takebacks.”
I don’t like this discussion. It’s sad. I changed the subject. “Oh…why were you here by the way? Like...Anthony? How’d you know?”
“I was going to sneak in to get my coat.” Right, another excuse? “Then I felt a presence so I checked it.” She exercised her jaw. “Earlier you were throwing a tantrum and now you’re so concerned. You’ve serious issues, Holy Soul.”
“So, this is the last time I’m going to see you, huh?” Probably not. She’ll find another way to make an excuse. It’s always like this, right?
Reign dropped her hands to her side. She looked upward and took a deep breath only to release it heavily. She lowered her head again to face me. “I surely sounded rude that day. I didn’t mean it that way. “But, Belle, we really shouldn’t be meeting over and over again like this. Once is enough. I met you when you were a kid...at the mall and now this…”
“Those were the memories that you erased, huh?”
She nodded. “I had to and I have to do it again, now.”
I took a step back. “I don’t understand. Why?” Was I wrong? Am I just assuming how Reign actually is?
“I don’t understand why you don’t want me to.”
“Because I like it. As much as I hate the way we met. The intention behind it is not the most likable scenario but I...like it.”
“Are you into BDSM too? You’ve got serious issues.”
I rolled my eyes in annoyance. “My life is boring. Okay? I find it really really boring. Yes, I do some partying...some human fun things to do but at the end of the day...what does it mean to be alive? Everything is repetitive. I feel like I’m just pretending in this body that I’m okay. That I’m having fun. But Selene is right. I’m not really doing anything fun unless she initiates it. I’m just...me.”
“And that’s a bad thing because?”
“It’s not a bad thing. I just wish there was more. And you are giving that to me. I, as weirdly as it sounds, am really enjoying your presence in my life. Like, finally, I have a purpose. Finally, I’ve got something to do. Finally, I get to be me. But in a much better and happier way.”
“You’re happy to run away from danger? What books are you reading? You should get help.”
“You don’t understand. Okay? You don’t. But have you ever just stared at the sky? Watch the moon and stars and just...just think that you wish there’s so much more.”
She moved her jaw a little before speaking and nodded. “That’s my only view when I was in the hospital. Every night I wish there’s just...much more…”
“That’s me right now. Of course, I know I’m not dying but it’s almost the same, that same feeling. So, I don’t want you to take away these memories from me. I know it’s selfish to think about but...I cherish this, okay?”
She sighed. “You’re not really supposed to be aware of beings like me. I should be just a being in your subconscious. I come and go. If beings like me get caught up with people like you, it’s going to be difficult. Attachment is not something that we support. That’s why I have to erase your memories or else you’re going to want more of this. Whatever this means to you. And it’s going to harm you in the end. Or worse, we get exposed. Not that anyone is going to believe you but we need to control things.”
“No.”
“This is exactly what we are like. We are tempting. You’ll keep wanting for more. We are like drugs. We bring excitement. Rush in your blood. I know, it’s fun but not for a mortal.”
“I am not mortal. Last time I checked, I happen to be the Holy Soul.”
She groaned. She’s really annoyed now. “You don’t understand. Apparently, you are not supposed to be aware of yourself being the Holy Soul because you should be purely human when you are here. Because how else are you going to have a clear and pure understanding of this world if you are aware that you are not like these mortals.”
“Then what? That’s it? Forget all over again?”
“You do remember everything in your soul form. Then forget everything again when you reincarnate.”
“That sucks.”
“Yeah, everything sucks but you have to accept it and just move on. Now come here and let me erase–”
I ran as fast as I could back to my room. I slammed the door behind me and leaned onto it trying to prevent her from coming inside.
“Belle!” She knocked harshly on my door.
“No! Absolutely not!”
She appeared beside me using her teleportation magic or whatever that is called which made me step back toward the corner of my room.
“This is not going to matter after I erase your memory. Nothing happened. That’s it.”
“And forget about you? You liked that? You like how no person on this earth ever remembers you? You’ve definitely met millions of people in your hundred years here on earth. You pass by people as you walk but none of them knows who you are. No idea that you exist. You’ve probably outlived people that were important to you. Do you want to be forgotten forever?”
Her eyes focused on mine. “This is the life that I chose. This is the consequence of my desire. There is no going back from it, Belle.”
I shook my head. I guess I was wrong. I guess Reign doesn’t really care after all. I knew it. Being vulnerable in front of her is really embarrassing.
“You are going to die anyway. Your little time here on earth means nothing to me. I’m going to outlive you too. And when you reincarnate, you won’t remember who I am. So what’s the point? I will not recognize you in your next life either. We will pass by each other in the street. I’m just another person you walk by. And you are just another person I just stumble upon. That’s it.”
“I’m going to probably live for another fifty years or so...isn’t that enough even if it’s just a short while? Won’t you like to have someone who knows you even for that short fifty years? A short fifty years to cherish?”
“Belle, I know what this is. You think I don’t care about your emotions, your feelings? But unfortunately, I do. And because I care that I know this is the best choice for you. You need to forget. Running away from you isn’t the best answer if you’re still waiting for me to appear in front of you everyday.”
I scoffed. “Can you read my mind? Is that one of your powers? Magic? Whatever you call it.”
“You are pretty easy to read, Belle. You are really not hiding anything and I guess that’s for the best. Don’t take it the wrong way. Feeling things doesn’t make you weak or vulnerable or whatever. But you cannot always make it the reason why you decide on things. Sometimes, you have to separate your heart and brain.”
I cried. I just let it all out.
“Why? I don’t understand...everything...why you worry about me too much...why this is important to you. You...you’re different. And I’m not sure if I like it.”
“You don’t have to like it.”
“This is going to hurt so bad in the end.”
“Well, that’s being human for you. You are half-human so...you will feel things. You can’t ignore it. You can’t avoid it. You don’t have to like it. But it makes you feel. Feel human, I guess.”
“You...are going to be the death of me.”
I frowned. “What does that even mean?”
Without another word, she disappeared from my sight.
“Reign?” I checked her coat on my chair. It’s still there.
Reign’s POV
I don’t know what this is. I don’t like it. I placed a hand on my chest. It never happened before except with that person who betrayed me and that was decades ago. I don’t like this. I don’t want that to happen again. I leaned my back on the wall and tried to calm myself.
Emotions. I’ve been trying to avoid them for as long as I can remember. I got hurt and it ruined me. Emotions make me attached to things that I shouldn’t. I thought I was doing a good job at avoiding it until now. Somehow, keeping myself away from her gets more and more difficult each day.
“Someone’s home.” A voice said.
“Not now, Jasmine.” I sighed.
“Collected some wishes? The Superior is waiting.” Jasmine combs her silky black hair. She’s the person taking care of the lobby. She makes sure no one that shouldn’t be in here enters the apartment. She was also the one who took care of me when I was a new half-demon; taught me everything I know now. Also, the one who taught me the vulnerability of letting human emotions control my life isn’t applicable in this life. She keeps reminding me that emotions shouldn’t affect me anymore and live life as a true demon. She should know. She’s been living for millennia.
“Not now, Jasmine,” I repeated.
“Well, the Superior may have forever but you don’t. Remember that.” She studied her sharp black nails.
I continued to walk up the stairs and to the top of the building where my room is. An apartment is full of demons. How about that?
I dropped myself onto my bed covered with black sheets. Everything in this room is dark. It’s almost too difficult to find things here because the only lights here are dim yellow lights. The windows don’t show anything. No view outside and no view going inside. I’m usually used to this kind of room. I’ve been here for a hundred years. This has been my daily life. But now, I feel like it’s too dark for me.
I covered my face with a pillow and screamed as loud as I could.
I tried to run away. I really did. I really tried to not come back. But I just couldn’t. Whatever I do. No matter how far I go. Everything just ends up with me seeing her again. This has never happened before. This feeling...this is not allowed. I am going to die if this is pursued. I’ve got to stop this.
I’m going to probably live for another fifty years or so...isn’t that enough even if it’s just a short while? Won’t you like to have someone who knows you even for that short fifty years? A short fifty years to cherish?
I want it. I want it so bad it’s scary. But I’ve been there. I watched my mother die. I watched my father die. I watched my friends die. I watched the person I trust betray me. The pain of losing them one by one was too much to bear. The worst part of it is I don’t forget. I don’t forget the look in their eyes as they wonder why my face never changes. I don’t forget the look in their eyes as they lose their shine. I don’t forget the moment they took their last breath and all I could do was watch from afar. I don’t think I could take another hit. I am too human for this.
I still feel things and I hate it. But I’m too scared to die. I’m too scared to accept death and let my soul rest. What am I even talking about? I don’t have a soul anymore. I’m just a vessel that is aware of its existence. I’m an empty vessel that has no more purpose to live. I belong to Nothing. Where beings like me go when they die. Nothing. Just...nothing.
You don’t understand. Okay? You don’t. But have you ever just stared at the sky? Watch the moon and stars and just...just think that you wish there’s so much more.
I do wish for more. What was my purpose of selling my soul? I stared at the back of my hand. Didn’t I sell my soul for a longer life because I want to have more? More time to do things that I like? More things to cherish? More things to experience? More things to remember before I finally accept death and close my eyes? Then why am I running away from it? How did I lose my real purpose for that stupid wish? I was so focused on maintaining this body that I forgot why I did it in the first place.
Belle’s POV
I don’t know why I’m holding onto Reign’s coat. She probably won’t return after all of that. But I do mean every single word I said. Every single word.
I rubbed my hand to the texture of the coat. I’ve never touched such soft leather before. Must be very expensive. How is she getting these clothes?
I put the coat closer to my face to catch her scent. It smells like mint and roses combined. It’s strong but I like it. Whenever she appears, the strong scent of mint fills the entire room but when she gets close, the smell of roses overshadows it. I guess her humanity, somehow, still overshadows her demonic side. I lowered it back to my lap. This is crazy. Why am I feeling this way?
I felt a gush of wind enter my room. I sniffed. Mint?
I thought I closed my window? I gazed my eyes towards it.
“Reign.” I murmured.
She’s sitting on the edge of the window. One foot laid down to my bedroom floor and one foot still on the edge. Both of her hands are holding onto each side of the window seal keeping her balance. The shine of the moonlight hits her perfectly giving a beautiful silhouette of her figure.
“Are you planning to do anything on the holiday eve?”
I smiled. “No...unless you're going to suggest anything.”
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