[And it's pronounced Ash-Shall-Lay...not Ash-hole. Pronounce it wrong and off to the gallows with you, pleb!!!]

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"Lady Fellanie Anne Misdemeanir, you dare to torment my Divine Saintess," exclaimed an angry Asholle, Isekia's second prince, as he swung his glass of wine at me from the second-floor railing of the ballroom.

A hundred thoughts raced through my mind as the wave of merlot sailed towards me.

Would he kill me if I dodged the wine? Was he on drugs and thought this was acceptable behavior at a "Welcome Home, Warmachine!" celebratory ball? Maybe he was off his medication, and I looked at him the wrong way earlier? 

Should I dodge the wine so that I could comfortably enjoy the rest of the banquet?

I went for it. 

I tucked in my shoulders and chin, then barrel-rolled to the right to avoid the wine's trajectory. A sharp pain shot from my wrist and ribs when I pitched out my hand to stop my roll. A quick look back revealed that the roll was unnecessary as he would have missed by at least 10 feet. 

Urgh.

"SOMEONE DOUSE THE WENCH IN WINE," roared the Second Prince with the fury of a thousand little angry suns. He slammed his fists onto the marble railing to add an extra oomph to his childish command.