Aiden

2 Months ago

I couldn’t believe I had actually asked him to sleep over. For weeks I had been fighting against the feelings I had for Dylan and to be honest, I still didn’t know if I wanted to act on them. I didn’t want to be gay or bi or any other kind of sexuality. I just wanted to be me, the me I had always been. But then I’d look at him and I’d be overwhelmed with the urge to touch. So I made sure to sit next to him at lunch just to be able to feel his body in any way I could. I was pretty sure he felt the same way so I decided to ask him over but now I was freaking the fuck out. I wondered if he was too? Knowing Dylan I figured he’d head to the beach before coming to my place so I walked down and yep, there he was. I stood behind him for a few minutes watching the wind play with his hair. He was sitting with his legs drawn up to his chest and his chin resting on his knees. The ocean was the first place he went when he needed to think. I knew this because I tried to find out as much as possible about him whenever I could. I finally made my way over and sat down next to him. I was probably too close in such a public place but I couldn’t help it.

“I thought I’d find you here. It’s kinda nice to watch sometimes, right?” I was looking at him as I spoke.

“Uh, yeah I guess.” His voice was quiet and he just watched me as I stared at him. Fuck he was beautiful. His eyes were this amazing blue that picked up the hints of grey from the water in front of us.

“Did you want to surf?” I asked hoping he’d say no.

“Nah, I just needed to sit here for a bit. Am I late?” he looked worried.

“Nope, but I am hungry. Want to get something to eat on the way to mine?” I was pretty sure I had food at home that mum had made for me but I was suddenly anxious about being alone with him in my house. We didn’t spend much time together without the rest of our mates so this was all new to both of us.

“Sure. Let’s go.”

And so we did. We finally made it back home and after watching some movies and talking I couldn’t take it anymore. I leaned over and kissed him. And kissed him some more. And more. I couldn’t get enough and kissing had never felt like this before. It was only when I realised that I had pushed him down on the lounge, and was covering his body with mine, that reality hit me. I had to stop this.

“Woah, that got out of hand. Didn’t mean for that to happen. Sorry, I don’t, yeah, I’m not, you know.” Well, that was intelligent, Aiden, you dumbass, I thought to myself.

“Yeah, yeah. Of course. Me too. I’m not either.” But Dylans voice shook and I could see that he was upset with what I had said but I couldn’t do this. I was so damn scared of anyone finding out.

“You can’t tell anyone this happened. I mean it. If this gets out I’ll fucking hurt you!”

Why am I saying this? What the hell is wrong with me?

“Right.” His words came out with a hardness to them that I had never heard from him before and it hurt to know I had been the one to make him like that.

“I’m just going to get changed for bed. Are you good to sleep down here?” I asked.

“Yep, no worries.” Dylan wouldn’t meet my eyes when he spoke, he just looked down at his hands that were twisted together in his lap.

“Okay. Be back in a bit.” I turned and ran up the stairs and grabbed the shorts I used for sleeping. In the middle of stripping off I heard the front door open the close quietly.

“Dylan?” I called out frantically trying to get my shorts on. There was no response so I called out again and still no response. I leapt over to my bedroom window and watched as Dylan walked into the darkness and away from me. My head hit the glass as I stared outside long after he had disappeared from sight. What have I done?

Present Day

I was in the best mood. Kissing Dylan always made me feel like this although I sometimes wondered if I got off on the secrecy a little bit too much. After fucking up 2 months ago I had worked hard to get to this point with him. I still didn’t want anyone to know and I know he was getting tired of hiding but I didn’t see him announcing to the world that he was gay so why should I?

“Man, I’m so glad we’re out of there for the week. End of the year can’t come soon enough.” Macca said as we walked to the beach. “I’m thinking about having a few weeks holiday before I start working full time. I figure I’ll smash it up at Schoolies and then take time off til Christmas. Just sleep in and surf all day.”

Macca had a job lined up already at a boat building factory but it didn’t really operate much over the Christmas break. I was still trying to decide if I wanted to go to Uni and what I even wanted to study if I did go. My grades were ok but not stellar so I wasn’t going to be a doctor any time soon.

“Hey did you hear that Milly is having a party this weekend?” Dean asked. “I’m thinking I might try my luck with her. What do reckon?”

“You’ve got no chance, mate! She told Haley that she’s going to try for Dylan, reckons he’s hot and he’s single. What about Hayley?” Simon laughed and they all kept talking about which girls they wanted to get with but my mind was stuck on the fact that Milly wanted Dylan. Jealousy wound it’s way through me as I imagined them together even though I knew he was gay. I wondered if he would pretend with her though to keep his secret. I didn’t want anyone else to touch him, kiss him, be with him. Before I knew it I was saying the one thing I couldn’t take back and the one thing that was going to hurt him more than anything but it was like I had lost control of my senses.

“Milly won’t score with Dylan, he’s gay.”

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.

Dylan

I walked into the party feeling pretty good after having a few drinks with Alex at his place before we left. As we reached the lounge room everyone stopped and stared at us.

“Hey, hey, hey it’s the faggot and his friend!” This was from Josh, the biggest douche in the school, but was he talking about me and Alex.

I looked over at Alex but he looked just as confused as I did.

“What are you on about, dude?” Alex questioned.

“Didn’t you know? Your man, Dylan here, is a gay boy. Or did you already know and that’s why you’re always together?” Josh shook his finger between the both of us.

“I don’t know where you’re getting your info from but it’s wrong, man.” I was still standing silently as Alex fired back at Josh. My biggest fear was coming true right in front of me and I was frozen.

“Nah it’s true enough. Aiden is telling anyone who’ll listen all about how Dylan confessed to him. Did you think he’d keep your secret, gay boy?”

I could feel my blood rushing through my veins but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t respond. All I could do was turn my head until I found Aiden in the crowd. He looked angrily at Josh until he realised I was looking at him then he looked upset and started to make his way towards me.

“I have to go.” I muttered to Alex turning back to the front door.

“Wait up, I’ll come with you. I don’t want to be around these dickheads anymore. No, Aiden, You need to fuck right off, you fucking asshole.” Alex was yelling by now. “You need to stay away from Dylan and from me. Just fuck off.”

I only glanced back long enough to see Aiden stop and look down at the ground before going back into the room.

“Dylan, mate, let’s go hang at the beach. There won’t be anyone there now. Hold it together for a bit longer.”

“Why aren’t you angry or disgusted or whatever?” I asked him as we walked away.

“Because I’ve known for ages. I don’t know when I first thought you were, but you didn’t seem to want to talk about it, so I kept quiet. It’s your business, man. Also, you and Aiden aren’t good at being secretive. I don’t how many times we all nearly caught you two but I managed to head the others off. I’m so fucking pissed at Aiden though.”

“Yeah.” I wanted to say I was too but mainly I was hurt. And sad that I was so stupid to have trusted him. There were so many times I should have realised that it was serious for me but not so much for him and I should have walked away then. But I didn’t and now I was paying the price.