A nerve-wracking week has passed, and I've already had to pay out 200 gold. Thankfully, I'll be getting my money back once this is over through civil forfeiture. 

I was worried that my plan would backfire somehow and Manatown would burn to the ground. In the end, the only things that burned to the ground were red and blue unemployment offices due to the gang wars I instigated for the greater good.

Ubir asked me why I didn't just have the guards arrest everyone. First of all, this duchy went to shit because Wolt was a shitty Duke. They didn't have enough guards to apprehend the gangsters without casualties.

Second, Wolt was not precisely a merciful ruler. Wolt would execute them without trial anyway. 

"And lastly, we would be saving lives by discouraging other criminals," I explained to him.  

Who was I really trying to convince here?

Mass execution without trial was morally questionable, but I neither had the funds nor time to reform criminal justice. 

I needed to be in Wolt's good graces to survive.  Asholle wouldn't be able to touch me if I allied with all four Dukes.  I wanted to look for a way home without an asholle breathing down my neck.

It was also necessary to be tyrannical not to raise suspicions on my body-squatting. Paying a religious minority group to eradicate their competition was pretty tyrannical in my book. 

Ubir and I were playing UNO in the living room when Sheraton came back with a map of every single red Bloot hideout.

"Awesome work. According to the message from yesterday, the guards sent by Darq should be arriving sometime today," I said to her.

----------

I had asked Darq for about 25 guards and he sent about 25 platoons. 

[DOES THIS LOOK LIKE 25 TO YOU, DARQ?! Who's going to feed them all, huh??]

The next day, we instructed the Northern guards to dress up as the local guards. Sheraton briefed them on the plan. We had maps to the hideouts of both the Krips and the Bloots. 

I sent Duke Westboye's guards to all 15 of the Krip's offices to capture the leftover scum. Wolt's guards were more like shopping center security officers than knights. Based on the amount of money I doled out for the bounties, the Westboye mall security officers should be able to handle this task.

Darq's guards were special ops police compared to Wolt's guards. I sent Darq's SWAT team to all of the Bloot hideouts because we expected a lot of resistance during these ambushes.

---------

A week has passed, and the guards have finished taking out the trash. Unsurprisingly, the North SWAT Team finished first and had to aid the West Mall Police to capture the rest of the Krips.

Wolt and Zen sat on their fancy chairs in the audience chamber. It was weird to see them in separate seats, but this was an official hearing with lesser nobles and high-ranking public officials present.

"YOU TRAITOROUS WHORE!! YOU SOULLESS BITCH!!" Spat the kneeling bearded Bloot leader.

"Me? It's your fault for believing me. Guards, gag the scumbag,"  I scoffed, raising my feathered fan to cover half my face. 

[Soulless?] 

"YOU WILL REAP WHAT YOU SOW. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT AN EMPTY HUSK! GOD WILL—" the man continued until the guards jammed a dirty towel in his mouth.

"Alright, guys. I brought everyone here so that we could celebrate this incredible achievement. I have captured the leader of both gangs. One of them kneels before you all, the other—" said Wolt as he motioned at the guard by the door.

One undercover Northern guard brought a silver tray with a large metal cover. The kind of fancy tray that hotel room service used to send food.

The Duke rested his head on his hand with his elbow on the armrest of his lavish golden throne. He waited for the guard to stop next to the bruised kneeling man before he casually waved his free hand.

Flies and a stench of decay escaped from the rotting head as the guard lifted the lid. Gasps echoed throughout the chamber. 

The red leader distorted his face into one of horrified disgust. He instinctively fell back and let out a blood-curdling scream, sending chills down my spine. His anger and horror reverberated throughout the alabaster chamber.

I momentarily stopped breathing. I looked everywhere in the room except for at the platter; I pressed my fan against my nose to hide my silent retching.

"What a...delicious expression!" Wolt giggled at the man's cries.

Loud whispers replaced the gasps.  The screaming continued.

CLAP 

CLAP

CLAP

A slow clap echoed throughout the audience hall.  The crowd turned towards the distasteful sharp sound to identify the perpetrator

Wolt stood up and continued his slow clap.

"I know no one wants to think about food right now… but we will be celebrating with a banquet tomorrow!" Wolt announced as he sped up his applause, inviting the rest of the crowd to celebrate with him.

I handed my fan to Sheraton and started to clap along with Wolt. 

"Hahaha, I love banquets to celebrate the arbitrary execution of organized crime leaders. Ohohoho!" I broke out into villainous laughter. My false laughter sounded throughout the audience chamber, drawing thunderous applause and cheers. 

I want to die. Please, someone, run me over with an 18-horse carriage and send me back to Earth.