Moments passed as Shoto made his way to his bedroom, his lower body covered in a large towel and his hair neatly wrapped in another towel. Water trickled down his body somewhat as he yawned softly while he slid the shoji to his bedroom open. 

He is welcomed by Yaku sitting in the center of his room, one hand resting on the tatami mat beside him, his leather jacket neatly tucked away on the cushion beside him as he mutters while staring at all the books Shoto has stashed away within his room. 

“You have hella books..shit..” 

“Do you really read all this stuff?”  

Shoto entered his room and closed the shoji behind him, leisurely drying his hair with the towel and responding. 

“Yes, I have to be smart to be the head of The Strategy Division.”  

“Besides, I’m not allowed to have certain devices, therefore I have to read physical books to obtain all the information I need.” 

Yaku shook his head faintly as he replied.  

“Oh yeah, that’s right.” 

“I was wondering why you didn’t have a TV in here or something.”  

“I forgot how strict the boss is.”  

Shoto resumed cleaning his hair carefully while closing his eyes to soothe himself. 

“Anyways, who would have a TV in their bedroom.”  

“Sounds like a distraction.” 

Yaku answered with a slight grin, glancing across at Shoto, who was drying his hair. 

“Are you forgetting I have one in mine and it comes in handy?”  

Shoto scoffed as he muttered.  

“Well, you live by yourself...”  

Shoto locked his gaze on Yaku's irezumi as it snaked down his chest and down his sleeves; he locked his gaze on the unfinished portion of Yaku's back that was visible through the fishnet undershirt Yaku was wearing. Shoto's eyes fell as he queried, pulling the towel from his head. 

“I thought you were only going to get your chest and sleeves done.” 

“You’re getting your back done too?”  

Yaku glanced over at Shoto as he lifted his undershirt up slightly, showing him more clearly, informing, passionately.  

“That's right, I’m getting a full body.” 

“Boss is paying for it, so why not? -”  

Shoto’s lip trembled slightly as he muttered in a very low tone, slightly annoyed.  

“You promised me.... you said you’d only get your sleeves and chest done...” 

“You promised...” 

Yaku's brow furrowed somewhat as he looked at Shoto, responding slightly confused. 

“Yeah, I promised, but shit changes when the boss is paying for it.” 

“I couldn’t just turn him down-” 

Shoto's eyes widened as he hurled the towel from his hair onto the tatami mat, just missing Yaku as he shouted, clenching his teeth. 

“You could have fucking turned him down!”  

“You don’t have to do every damn thing daddy says!”  

“What about me?!”  

Shoto’s eyes watered as he clenched his hands in a fist, continuing as Yaku sat there, stunned.  

“Do you...not care about how I feel?” 

“You said you love me...so why-”  

Yaku exhaled as he rose to his feet, his gaze fixed on Shoto as he approached him. 

“You know it doesn’t work like that.”  

“Of course, I love you, but I have to do what the boss says.” 

He placed his hands on Shoto’s shoulders as he continued.  

“You also know how much I look up to the boss...” 

“He’s a really cool guy, you know.”  

Shoto's cheeks flushed with tears as he huffed and held his head down, keeping his thoughts to himself while Yaku caressed his shoulders gradually and continued. 

“I don’t want to hide being with you my entire life.” 

“I have to stay on his good side, so when I do tell him about us, he doesn’t fucking kill me.” 

Shoto sobbed softly as he placed his hands over his face, trying to calm himself down, sniffling as he muttered.  

“S-so...you weren’t doing everything he wanted to go up ranks in the gang...?” 

Yaku smiled faintly as he bends a knee slowly before Shoto, glancing up as he pulled Shoto’s hand from his face, replying in a comforting tone.  

“That's another reason, but it's not the main reason.” 

“Sorry, I should have told you.”  

“I don’t like fighting with you.”  

Shoto sniffled and sighed as he saw Yaku get to his feet once more. He felt a warm hand caress the side of his cheek gently as Yaku wiped away his tears with his finger. Shoto stood there astonished, embarrassedly glancing aside and murmuring. 

“I just don’t want to see it every time you’re on top of me...”  

Shoto's eyes quiver as he clutched his arm fiercely, mumbling beneath his breath in disgust. 

“It already makes me feel weird...” 

“I just bare it...because I love you...” 

Yaku's gaze shifted to Shoto's body language as the youngster trembled slightly, Yaku's eyes gradually widened but soon narrowed as he inquired. 

“It’s just my irezumi..what's wrong?” 

“You never told me you hated it-”  

Shoto’s eyes flared as he shut down the question immediately as he walked over to his closet, uttering.  

“It’s nothing, just...forget it.”  

“I need to get dressed, can you look away for a bit...?” 

Yaku stood there, his gaze following Shoto's movements to the other half of the room; he informed by shoving his hand into the pockets of his leather pants. 

“I’ve seen you naked a lot of times before, what's the difference now?” 

Shoto’s eyes rested hazily on his face as he went through his closet, looking for the proper clothes to sleep in, replying in a low tone.  

“The difference is back then you only saw me in a lustful gaze or it was too dark...” 

“You never saw my flaws...and I don’t want you to see them...” 

Yaku's eyes heaved as he complied with Shoto's demands and deflected his gaze, staring at the Shoji, keeping his head down and saying. 

“Whatever...” 

“We only did it in the dark cause you wanted it that way.”  

“You don’t have to hide your flaws with me man.”  

Shoto removed the towel from his waist, attempting to disregard Yaku's words. He slid his boxers up his body, averting his gaze away from the recently self-inflicted sliced marks on both of his upper thighs. His eyes were taken over by a feeling of foreboding as he pulled up his shorts and afterward his shirt. 

Shoto sat down slowly on his futon, winching slightly from minor discomfort as he raised his knees up to his chin and put his head there, his eyes unfazed on his face, saying. 

“You can look now...”  

Yaku slowly turned around as he peered at Shoto, walking up to sit next to him, the atmosphere was tense, empty yet silent as they sat there in complete silence for 7 minutes until Yaku eventually spoke. 

“Why did you yell at me? What if you had woken the boss?”  

Shoto sat there with his hair hanging from his face, answering in reverent whispers. 

“Once daddy goes to bed, he doesn’t wake up until morning...” 

“I wouldn’t have yelled at you if I didn’t know that...”  

Yaku sighed as he played with the lighter in his hand, twirling it as the silence grew loud, questioning.  

“What’s wrong with you?”  

Shoto brushed off the question as he locked his gaze on the bookshelves in front of him, his eyes becoming blank as he thought to himself. 

When I was 9 years old I was raped, it makes me want to die every day, it made me hate myself, I feel worthless, no one really loves me, no one really cares about me, I feel like a puppet with no strings, I'm like a broken toy that no one wants, everything hurts so I hurt myself to feel like I have control over the pain I’m feeling, I’m scared my siblings are going to get hurt as I did, I’m lost and confused, I hate hurting people, I hate when people hurt me, I want to be heard, I hate being the Yakuza boss’s son, I hate being alive, I’m scared of daddy, I’m scared of people, I’m scared of how others look at me, I’m scared of what others say about me, I’m scared they will see the bruises, I'm scared they are going to see my cuts, I'm scared people are going to see the real me. I protect everyone but no one protects me, I want to hold my head under water and scream, everyone abuses me and I let them because I don’t want them to leave me, I sleep with you because its the only time I feel loved so I do it with you even though I know it's wrong, I do it with you even though I get triggered every time I see your irezumi, I blame you even though it's not your fault, I blame you because I can’t blame anyone else, I blame you because you're the only one who says they love me, I blame you because everyone who told me they loved me hurt me or left me, I blame myself for getting raped, I blame myself for not being the son my daddy wanted, I blame myself for being so pathetic, I blame myself for getting abused, I blame myself for liking guys, I blame myself for being disgusting, I blame myself for getting bullied, I blame myself for being sensitive, I blame myself for not hating daddy, I'm jealous of everyone with perfect parents, I’m jealous of kids who got to be kids, I’m jealous of people who aren’t suicidal, I’m jealous of people who aren’t mentally ill, I’m jealous of people who love themselves, I’m jealous of people who never got raped, I’m jealous of people who never got abused, I’m jealous of people who are loveable, I’m jealous of people who don’t hurt themselves, I’m jealous of people who can look at themselves in the mirror without throwing up and I miss my mommy... 

Shoto's eyelids fell as the world around him came to a halt for a brief period, contemplating as his dark thoughts consumed his own life. 

I want to die, I want to die, I want to die...I wish I was dead.  

Would you understand me Yaku-san...would you... 

He gradually regained his composure as his eyes narrowed, questioning. 

“What is it you wanted to talk to me about?” 

“I need to sleep, unlike you, I have to go to school tomorrow.” 

Yaku's gaze shifted to Shoto, sensing the tension between them as he explained. 

“I’m going to lead the turf deal.”  

“Naya found a loophole and boss greenlighted it.”  

“So, I’m going to do meet Tadashi’s Leader next week and sign off on the deal.” 

Shoto's eyes widen significantly as he huffed, trying to process what Yaku just said to him. As he fumbled over his words in disbelief, he cast a peek over to Yaku's direction. 

“W-what...” 

“I told everyone...it’s a bad idea...”  

“I wasn't able to find a proper strategy!”  

Yaku played with the lighter in his hand as he twirled it repeatedly, replying.  

“I just told you we found a loophole so it’s going to be fine.”  

“Don’t you trust Naya, he’s a part of your diversion...”  

Shoto stared at Yaku anxiously as his eyes widened, gnashing his teeth in irritation as he debunked. 

“And I’m the leader of the division! I told you guys it’s a bad idea!”  

“The Tadashi Gang are way too violent to settle for anything-” 

Yaku flung the lighter from his grasp, shouting slightly and shutting down Shoto. 

“Shut up man!”  

“I already told you what's happening and it's final!”  

Shoto focused his gaze on Yaku, terrified as he flinched, gasping for air as he retreated his hand. His eyes moved as a dread of sadness overcame him, and he mumbled. 

“I’m scared...I’m scared I’m going to lose you too...”  

“I’m scared-”  

Yaku sighed as he held Shoto’s face with his right hand, smiling at him as he interrupted following with a question. 

“I’m not going to die, I promise.”  

“Trust the gang.” 

“Remember what I said last month?”  

Shoto locked eyes with Yaku as tears streamed down his cheeks, saying as tears obscured his words. 

“I...I can’t lose you...”  

“If I lose you..my world is going to be completely dark...” 

“I need light...I need light in my life to see where I’m going...” 

Yaku drew his head in closer as he comforted Shoto with a kiss on the forehead. 

“I won’t die, let’s go see the summer fireworks after I do this last job.”  

Shoto's pulse raced as his lips quivered while he jokingly punched Yaku and inquired in a low tone. 

“Do you promise...?”  

“We will go see the fireworks.... promise me...” 

Yaku tenderly lay Shoto's head on his chest, his hand on the back of the boy's head, seeking to soothe him as he uttered. 

“I promise, I won’t die.”  

Shoto gently closed his eyes as he succumbed to comfort, a flow of tears streaming down his face as he puffed and mumbled. 

“Okay...”