Neel

So now I am getting ready to go for Café. I asked uncle if I can leave early and he had no problem with it, but he did remind me that we have to look into the novel’s order which we are going to place soon. So, I came home to change. I tried my orange shirt which does looks good but I am not sure what to wear down…

“You should wear something dark for bottom.” My mom said as she was peaking into my room as the door was ajar.

“Thanks, but I was thinking of wearing something light.”

“If you are wearing orange shirt, you could go with something dark for bottom that was my suggestion, rest is up to you.” She smiled and raised both her hands up showing I can either take her suggestion or not.

“OK I will wear something dark then.”

“Are you seeing someone?”

“Nah, I won’t say that” or can I?

 “Either way it’s good that you are going out and having a social life which at this point we need the most.”

When I was just about to reply her, she continued.

“Well, I will let you get ready. Will you be coming back home for the night?”

“Of course, I am. Where do you think I am going?”

She smiled again but didn’t say anything and went downstairs.

I see myself again in mirror now after getting ready. Orange shirt, brown jacket and black jeans. Well, I don’t know whether I am looking good or not but I am not going to think about it anymore because I am going to café like this. Full and final.

…

I enter the café and see Dharm on the counter making something. I go to the counter and say,

“Can I have your special tea?”

He looked up and I swear our eyes locked for a sec.

“Sure, but you will be taking your order upstairs.”

“That sounds good, are you going to have your break soon and would be joining me upstairs?”

“No, someone is already waiting for you.” He spoke. He was being, I don’t know for lack of better term, normal.

“Who?”

“Just go upstairs and you will see who I am talking about and I am getting your tea.”

I start striding towards the steps but I kept looking at him before I turned my head to face the stairs. When I reached the first floor, I saw three tables were occupied in which only one was occupied by the big glass window and I immediately recognized who that person was. Josh.
I really wanted to leave right now but he spotted me and hand gestured me to come towards him. Which I did eventually and I took seat which was empty facing him.

“Hi.” He started.

“Hi Josh.” My voice going a little cold again. He was about to say something but Dharm came with our coffee and tea.

“Coffee for you and your special tea.”

He didn’t wait either of us to say anything and went downstairs.

“What do you want from me Josh?” this time I started the conversation.

“I just wanted to chat with you. Catch up you can say.” He took a sip of his coffee.

I took my cup of tea and wrapped my hand around the cup to feel the heat.

“Why? We weren’t close in school, specifically we weren’t. That day in theatre you said you are trying to getting in touch with me and today you used Dharm to lure me here. Do you have some work with me?”

“No, no work. I just really want to talk to you.” I took my first sip while listening to him.

“Well, I am here. Say what you want to.”

He took a big breath and spoke,

“I want to apologize to you.” He took another sip and I put my cup on the table, baffled.

“For?” I don’t even know for what he is apologizing for.

“For the way I treated you. The names I called you, the bully I did and the bully you experienced because of me. All the slangs and everything. I am sorry for that.”

I... I never in the world thought that Josh would come and apologize for it. I won’t deny or side blind the way he treated me and that’s why after school the first thing I did was to block him from every place I can. And at this point I am not even aware how I should react, and I did…

“Why are you apologizing for it? I am not trying to be harsh but I never heard to see bully to be sorry for being the bully or of similar situation.”

“Are you asking how did I had a change of heart?”

“Exactly” my tone way off. I want to be polite but I am not able too.

“Because I am bisexual Neel. And it pisses me off when people say stuffs like that. I realised I am bisexual during college and when people called things and said things, I was so pissed and hurt listening to those. And those weren’t even directed to me but still I felt worse.”

He took the last sip of his coffee and continued,

“And it immediately reminded me of how I did the same to you. This time when I came back and heard you are in A too, I tried contacting you but I couldn’t reach your phone and neither I could get you on social media.”

“Because I blocked you everywhere I am.” I finished my tea too.

“So, when I saw you in theatre that day with Dharm, I tried to talk to you but I knew that expression, the way you looked at me. You even didn’t wait for me to finish and you started walking away. So today I came to Dharm asking favour so that I can tell you all this. So again, I am sorry for what I did in school because now I know how it feels like to be on the receiving end of it.”

The last line just triggered me in a manner that I wouldn’t expect. I stood up and I spoke,

“Its good of you to realise it and I appreciate you apologizing. But I can’t accept your apology. I really can’t. And right now, I am not even in state to explain you why and I am leaving.”

I put my bill on the table and started going downstairs. I am not crying or sad but I am a little angry. When I went downstairs, I didn’t even look at the counter and I exited the café.